A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Married for all the wrong reasons. Met my soulmate in someone else. Please help.
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female
reader, lovejunkie  +, writes (17 September 2007):
 You didn't give alot of info.here but I think I know what you're going through. I married at the tender age of 19, the guy didn't really knock my socks off, but he was good to me and easy to be with. He was totally in love with me. I was "comfortable" with him. But over the years, I grew bored. The sex wasn't great either, probably because I wasn't that attracted to him and I started having affairs 3 years into our marriage. I didn't want to leave the comfort of my marriage because I was afraid to be alone. But I knew he wasn't doing it for me either. Plus I felt terribly guilty because I knew he loved me tremendously, and took such good care of me, providing me with a beautiful home, and nice things. It was hard to imagine life on my own. But eventually, I met someone who I knew I wanted to be with - someone who filled up all those empty spaces in my heart and I had to face the truth. I am now separated from my husband and planning to file for divorce. I don't want to live a lie and "pretend" any longer, but he is devastated and I feel horrible about carrying on this charade for so long. I care about him. I guess I loved him in my own way. I know I am taking a huge risk, by being with someone else because there are so many unknowns, but it feels like we are made for each other and we've been together now almost 3 yrs. If you've met your "soulmate" you need to move out of your marriage. You can choose to do it slowly, like I did, though I will caution you -- my spouse kept holding onto hope that I would change my mind so it's been harder for him in some ways. Or you could just pull the bandage off quickly and get it over with. Only you know what's best. I still worry that my husband will kill himself once I file for divorce, but I'm praying he will be strong enough to get through it, and God will allow him to find another woman when the time is right. I hope this helped you out.
A
female
reader, xxmissxx  +, writes (15 September 2007):
 This all depends on what is really classed as your soulmate?
What occurances make you think this other person is your soulmate?
Why did you marry for all the wrong reasons?
I really want to help you, although you need to be more specific. Im going to ask you to personally message me the details if you really want help, then ill do what i can to help you.
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A
reader, schlottjl +, writes (15 September 2007):
 Soul mate? Do you really believe in just one person who is perfect for you? You might find that there are always people who seem better than what you have now. The reason is that you don't really know them that well. The first stage of romance is not real. It feels real but it is a complete lie. This could be what you are feeling about your wife. Once we get to know the real person, flaws, annoyances and all, no one can hold a candle to to fantasy that is the initial stages of romance. It is like a car. For example, you can get a sports car or a commuter sedan. The sedan is dependable, can fit more passengers and gets better mileage. The sports car is fun to drive, looks great and makes you feel alive. Driving it is an experience. Which ever you choose is fine really. But which ever you choose you will definitely one day wish you went with the other. Maybe you hate merging with the sedan and long for good handling. Or maybe after two years your are in the shop spending another small fortune to keep your sports car running, committing to any choice means that one day you will look back and long for all the other choices.The key is to be realistic and not allow your thoughts to wander down roads that are harmful to you. The person you fantasize about now is not who you think. She can't be. She too is human. But if she considers a married man, will she be faithful, could you ever really trust her? Is she the type that likes to take those who are spoken for. Women like that are damaged since their self worth comes from the outside. Any time she felt low, she would need to have a man validate her. You can't be that man once your caught. You expire then.Do you know if she even feels the same. If you do, unfortunately that is a warning sign.I don't want to rain on your parade. I have been where you are and let me tell you that it is never like you hope it will be. Either it all goes to hell and you feel like scum forever, or you find out later that she won't be nearly as good as you thought. Then what do you do when the next soul mate comes round? What kind of man do you want to be. If she is all that she can wait while you sort things out but you don't want to dump someone for another particularly if you want the new relationship to have the best possible foundation or start. You should not even consider her as a possibility any time soon and for now cut contact with her- just for now. A real woman worth her weight in gold would appreciate this and probably find this to be an attractive move. Go to couples therapy to really look at your current relationship. Give it a real honest try. Remember back to your best times with your wife and pretend that you are there again. Treat her as if she was the only woman for you and the sexiest thing alive- pretend as an experiment. Do that for one month. If at the end of that month you feel the same. You can then end the marriage knowing that your effort was honorable and that is something you could be proud of. Women will wait. Playing a bit aloof is often a hook and makes you irresistible. Being a real man who thoughtfully honors his word and doesn't take commitment lightly is a down right aphrodisiac.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 September 2007):
 Can you elaborate?
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