A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 22 years old and been married a year. My husband is a great man, the type or man that i am beyond lucky to have. i don't understand why im miserable then. I moved away from my home town, and met this man 6 months after i moved. i do love him. I just can'the help feeling i have missed out. I feel like im in solitary confinment, Before i moved i was the party girl.now, I can't remember the last time i had a night out with friends.(not that he won't let me, he encourages me but ppl my age are students, partying when i got to be in work at 7am) To make matters worse i suffer from a seriouse eating disorder that i am getiing help for. but i feel like its the only thing i got in my life. i blame him, andi push him away (sexually and emotionally) for how my life is (living to pay bills, cleaning,cooking ect) but we do have good times together, he is my rock and i do lovehim, im so confused i don't know what to do. will i regret my life more in 5 years?? or will i regret throwing my mariage away for a goodtime? please help me. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): Hi there
I know how you feel.
I am maried too. And have two children. That feeling of trappedness and I cant breathe and where is time for myself gets even worse once the children are there.
I work during the day and come home to screaming baby and son's homework and cooking and washing and ironing and and and...
So I understand.
At night I just pass out from sheer exhaustion on the bed. And tomorrow it all starts again.
But I know it will get better. I will get to a better position at work and earn more money, my husband's new business will eventually make a profit. The children will get bigger and more manageable.
I cope by just trying to be quiet and at peace in the moments that i do have to myself.
I love my husband and children, but adult life is tough. It is not just one big party.
You have to be happy in yourself. Really that is all there is. No one or no amount of partying can make you happy.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (9 July 2008):
 You are finding out that life as an adult ain't that much fun. No longer can you just count on your parents to pay the bills, and rescue you. From now on it is you against the world and the world doesn't hold back. Day in day out the same routine, making just enough to pay the bills when everyone else seems to be having a party.
But you need to look beyond that or you will be miserable forever. You say you can't party because you got to be at work at 7am. Every day? Because that is why friday night is party night, sleep out on saturday.
Basically, you are a young adult realizing that childhood is over and in your relationship the honeymoon is over and the rush of hormones has died down.
You could choose to escape from it all, become yet another eternal teens until finally reality catches up with you. Take a real hard look around. Read the posts here by other party animals who are in their 30's and desperately looking for what you already got.
Focus on the postive things in life and realize that while you can't party every night anymore that doesn't mean all parties are out.
Also remember the bad things about being young, no money, no responsiblity. Could your really party as much as you remember when you were constantly broke?
The trick is to see the future through rose-colored glasses rather then the past.
...............................
A
female
reader, MissWendlemoot  +, writes (9 July 2008):
 It sounds like you married too young. Why not try some counseling to help sort things out?
Best wishes xo
...............................
A
female
reader, Neera  +, writes (9 July 2008):
wow. You have something everyone wants in life. Parties and hanging out etc is such transient thing. Everyone, especially women, yearn for permanence. I can understand that you feel you have missed out on some 'fun' in life, but you have the real joy that some other girls can only dream of. It is such a boon to marry young! I married at 23, never regreted it. You get to grow up together, have fun times together. Yes you can feel overwhelmed sometimes, but that is just a phase.
Only time can tell what will happen in 5 years, but I can say without doubt that you will regret throwing the marriage away for a goodtime. Why does it have to be a choice between the two? You should not put a fullstop to your social life just because you got married, marriage is all about juggling various things and maintaining your balance. You can always party on friday evenings. Have a day out on saturday with your friends. Call girl-friends over and let them ogle at your home and hearth. And believe me, they will be jealous!
Hope your eating disorder resolves soon. Goodluck! x
...............................
A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (9 July 2008):
 Hello hun,
I think you are suffering from an issue of low self esteem and maybe just a pinch of furstration. I think you do realize what it is you have and I seriously think you will regret leaving such a relatonship 5 years down the line.
In a situation like this you feel like you have no life because it seems to be consumed with things you dont really want to do in life. This is what is dragging you down and bringing your self esteem down because you dont feel at your age you are like everyone else and missing out. I would say you are also fustrated by this situation you are in because, even though your husband encourages you to have a social life, you have to work and that is probably what is contributing to an eating disorder.
I actually have been where you are. Working all hours, in a commited relationship with a man, wasn't socializing enough, was getting angry and put on a serious amount of weight which then brought my self esteem down because I felt unattractive, but all the while I had this amazing man who old me all the right things and I didn't believe him. I blamed him for not taking me out, for not socializing enough with other people.. Bascally for taking up the spare amounts of time I had left during the day to hang with him. I did love the time though, but you do need to talk to more than one person. The moment I even started thinking those thoughts I took a step back and really had to look at what was the positives and negatives in my life. It pretty much turns out that it was my jobs fualt. So I talked to my husband and told him how I felt and told him how tired I was of where I was and I quite my job. He understood my needs and saw I was unhappy.
Now I am persueing a career that is less demanding an more fulfilling, but having a break was the thing I needed. I dropped the weight my attitude is high and my relationship is a healthy one. I also managed to do the things in life i needed and wanted to get done and I couldn't have done it without him.
Your husband will understand and if he is anything like my husband he will support you with any decision you make so that you are happy and healthy. Your health and happiness is his priority and should be yours.
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (9 July 2008):
I married young and am having exactly the same problem as I'm stuck on an army base in the middle of no where with a bunch of other wives who only care about kids and babies.
You have said yourself that the only thing stopping you going out and partying is that you have to be up for work at 7. So what? Go out for a couple and be home by 10. Go out and have a big blow out at the weekends! You are still your own person, you haven't changed just because you are committed.
Go out and have fun! Marriage shouldn't stop you from doing that, it should just mean you have found the guy who will always be so much more than a boyfriend.
Go out, get drunk, have a great time and know that when you get home your sexy man will be in bed waiting to be pounced on.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
|
