A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am fifteen years old. I've had sex multiple times with four different guys, and I had unprotected sex with three of them. Let's just say, if I were to get pregnant right now, I wouldn't really know which four of them it would be. I failed my current grade of school. I am a constant partier. I smoke, but I don't like drugs. I've made out with about thirteen different guys, and I've had oral sex with seven. When I have boyfriends I cheat on them and use alcohol for an excuse. Every week I come home with multiple hickeys on my neck from different guys. Everyone see's so much more in me. I'll try to make this sound as less conceited as I can, but I know I am a decent looking girl. I use to be a regular pot head but I quit smoking weed. I was quite proud of myself. I wish I could settle down on everything else. I fell for a guy, we had sex, and then he didn't call me back. I think that has done some emotional damage.Could anybody give me any advice, to set me straight!?
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drugs, oral sex, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): You have recieved wonderful advice from the "aunts and uncles"; now it is upto you to make the decision; you are still young and you can change your lifestyle;
YOUR FUTURE IS IN YOUR HANDS
I do suggest you consider having a good chat with your mom; not to talk about the past BUT she might be very happy to hear about your new goals and I am sure she will try and assit you where possible; I think it will make it easier for you to have a little support.
Remember
Yesterday is gone;
Start new;
Good Luck and best wishes.
A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (9 July 2008):
 Ohh! I didnt mean for this girl to feel bad about herself. I was mearly trying to say that she doesnt have to give away something that is special to any old Tom Dick or Harry.
We all make mistakes in life dont we, I know I have made loads. If there had been this website years ago when I needed help, I might not have made so many. Its just to easy to trust everyone when you are so young, unfortunatly there are men that take advantage of that.
Troubled too much, it is an honour to be mates with you. I honestly feel I have loads of mates on this site. Bless Ya XXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): "I dont get it, you are saying (almost bosting|) how many men you have had sex with, and yet you feel bad about yourself?"
Tellulah, I think I understand that a little. My wife felt guilty and somewhat ashamed about how she had acted after her divorce from her first husband many years ago. She had a need to "confess" to me very soon after we started dating. I was the first guy who she had a need to tell and she did it in a way that sounded like she was bragging about it. I think it is a reaction to defend one's self to one's self to try to convince them that they were not as bad as they really think they were/are. (Wow, you're going to have to read that sentence a few times.)
To the OP: Tellulah is right. Don't allow guys to use you just for sex. Not only will you get a "slut" reputation, but it will actually hurt your self-esteem. My wife did it to make her feel attractive and wanted after her divorce from a husband who verbally abused her and it hurt her self-esteem instead of helping. Don't allow that to happen to you. It took her many years to feel proud of herself again.
P.S. Tellulah, you told me off in my first question on DC many months ago about this subject and I added you as a friend. Thanks, you were nice about it.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (9 July 2008):
I dont get it, you are saying (almost bosting|) how many men you have had sex with, and yet you feel bad about yourself? Of course you bloody do, whats wrong with just socialising with them and not having sex. You seem to think that by having sex, they are going to like you that much more. Well Honey they wont I can assure you. Are you are 100% being used.
You need to break this pattern, because you are acting like a slut, and surely you dont want to be known as one?
If you really are only 15, you need someone to take care of you, like your Mum or Dad. Stop putting yourself in these situations. And learn to say NO.
If you think nothing of yourelf babe, nobody else will either.
Take care, and sorry to have a go at you. But life is to short to waste it on guy's just using you for sex.
XX
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): Firstly. Your age says you are 22-26 and then you say your actually 15. At 15 you should not be having sex, period! Youve had unprotected sex with many different guys, think of the STD's, Have you thought about pregnancy etc..You say earlier on that you dont like drugs, But then firther down the question you say how you used to be a 'pot head' so do you do drugs or dont you?You need to find some respect in your self! Grow up a bit and dont give in to guys as easily as you obviously do. Its all 15/16/17/18 year old guys are after!Concentrate on your school work, Get good grades, Youll be sitting your exams soon if you havnt already? Dont you care about your future? Think about sex later on in life when youve been a teenager.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): "I feel like I have no future"... but as you know you have plenty of time to change. You have managed to keep gossip about you too a minimum, and you have cared enough about your situation to ask for advice. You'll be dead at 80, it takes 7years to become a doctor in the UK, 4years to be a teacher. You are young, if you work hard and follow some goals you can have a happy sucessfull life. Where do you want to be in 5years, 10years, 20years time. What do you want to be doing next year. Set yourself some goals and try hard to work for them.
I know you want love from a good kind man, but unfortunately even this won't protect you. Sometimes the good guys leave too. Stop having sex and think about what you need to do to make your future sucessfull. When it's time the right guy will come along. You are underage and too young to be having sex. Guys tend to abuse young girls like you. Wait untill your older, and then the right man, will come along. Keep yourself busy with your goals, school work and going out with friends, leave the guys alone self-confidence and self-esteem is higher.
http://www.womensselfesteem.com/the_self_esteem_test.html
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEverytime I meet guy that would be a good influence on my life. I push him away.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wanted to say thanks for all the advice I've got so far, and so quickly too! I know what your saying is not what I want to hear and as much as I don't want to believe it. it's true. I look back on the previous guy I had sex with, and how much I liked him and how much I thought he liked me, and I go .. "He couldn't of been using me for sex" But it's funny how, I never got a phone call afterwards when he would call me nonstop before hand. I don't want to be a booty call to all of these guys. I know there is still time for me to change my ways, because alot of guys don't see me as an easy target because they don't know my past and I know I still have time to change it for the future.
I just want a guy, I can fall inlove with and will respect me and I will respect him, instead of ruining it and being unfaithful. I feel like I have no future and all of this is more then just a phase. Unfortunatly, My mom ( Who is single) and going through alot on her own, is blind to see my destructive ways. I am going on the same path as my older brother who regrets everything now. I wish I could be good, and not put so much stress on my mother.
Anyways, thank you for the advice I have recently recieved.
I am looking forward to more!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): Your not in a good place, you need to stop doing what your doing. The other aunts have told you of the dangers to your health.
Your most important concern should be school. Unfortunately, this is the way to achieve the success you crave. Go and speak to your teachers, ask them what you can do to pull up your grades. You need a good education so you can get a good job and become an independent, young woman. These guys are just using you, they are not proud of you, they just want to be around you for sex. They don't even care if you catch a disease, or end up having an abortion cause you don't know who the father is. Your nothing to them, they don't treat other girls this way. STOP HAVING SEX, untill you learn how to respect and take care of your body. What you are doing now is dangerous.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): Oh dear, You are just free-wheeling! Out of all your escapades, what alarmed me the most was the 'unprotected sex'. You could seriously mess up your life with that. It's not just the scare of getting yourself pregnant, but you could get STD or AIDS, which would be a nightmare.I think it's positive that you are seeking advice, I hope you find someone good to love with all your heart soon. But if you carry on the way you are right now, all good guys might give you a wide berth.As for advice, things like smoking and free-sex seem very exciting when you are as young as you are, but it is not good for your moral health. Never do anything that you'd look back upon with embarrassment. You just need to promise yourself that you are going to be clean. It is your relationship with yourself that matters the most in the end. And if you are writing this post, it means you are not happy with the way things are. Well, that's a start. Are you a believer? That can be a big help. If you are not, get a new good hobby, join a social cause that you feel strongly about. Keep your mind off sex parties and remember - there's nothing as solid as a good degree. Educate yourself well, this time will never come back. Goodluck!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (9 July 2008):
You are just looking for someone to blame for this. It doesn't matter if some guy used you and didn't call you back. That's what happens when you sleep with men too soon. You have done far worse to other people.
You've quit weed, now you need to quit alcohol, quit parties and get some school work done. Yes it's fun going out and having guys after you. But what are you going to do when you are 18? You'll have no qualifications so you'll have no way of getting a job, no money, and no life.
If you work hard now and stop seeing all these guys then you can get decent money and really party when you get older. Do you think any of these guys who bite your neck or have unprotected sex care about you, or respect you? They don't. They don't give a crap about you or your future. They will say they think it's great that you are working hard at school, but then they'll try and get you to come out and be their little slut for the night.
Stay home and work hard on getting your career and life back on track. You can do it if you put the effort in.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, KiaGrace  +, writes (9 July 2008):
 Well, first things first. You have to want to change, and it sounds like you do. Lay off the sex for a while, or better yet, just lay off the boys in general. You are a troubled teen looking for some sort of affection from all these boys but your just going to end up pregnant or with a STD instead.
I am only fourteen years old, myself. I know these years are some of the toughest on us. It's okay to have fun, once in a while, but don't get carried away!
Your going to end up with a ruined reputation and a million angry girlfriends at your doorstep. Is that what you want? You know the good from the bad. We all do. Try to stay out of trouble and the people who are going to get you in trouble.
Try to focus more on school work, then what's going on around you. The faster you get it done, the faster your out of there. You don't want to be left behind while all your other friends move on and create lives and futures for themselves, now do you?
As for the boy who didn't call you back. Forget him.
Simple as that.
Good luck, girl.
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