A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am married, happily married with a baby, i know.. i know it is very easy to say if you are so happily married why do you cheat? I met this wonderful girl, that is gonna make any guy very happy one day, we have been together for 8 years and are madly in love i know i need to let her go to let her continue with her life, she is wasting her time with me but i cant, i really really cant i just dont see myself without her.any advice? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (19 March 2010):
 You can either do the RIGHT thing, or the SELFISH thing. In the end, this all comes down to you making the choice. You're only "happily" married right now because you are getting away with cheating on your wife because she doesn't know about it. In reality, your marriage is built on lies and you're hurting 2 women just to make yourself feel better.
I'm not trying to sound bitter here but people sugar coating the situation isn't going to help you and these women. Do the right thing by either breaking it off with the mistress, confessing everything to your wife and go to counseling to show your wife you're serious about your relationship OR if you'll never be truly happy without this other woman do your child and wife a favor a confess, get a divorce, and support the child while spending your life with this other woman.
Obviously the better choice is honoring your vows so I don't condone divorce, but since your wife and child are the true victims here I think you need to do what is best for them. Having a father that is "madly in love" with someone other then their mother is not right....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2010): it is not that you CAN'T let go...........You WON'T let go. that is the difference. you see this situation works for you. a faithful wife and happy kid and the mistress all meeting your needs. you are the only person benefitting from this. hey you are having your cake, eating the cream and enjoying your life.. it is these women you are stringing along. as for your lover, if she is willing to sleep around with a married man this speaks volumes about her, doesn't it. mybrother is in a similar situation - he too has had a mistress for 8 years, he has decided that his life is too valuable to waste on this woman, he has chosen his DECENT wife and his kids. you see he was man enough to make this choice, yes he could have wasted another 8 years of his life and wasted his wifes life, but he made a choice. no one forced him to give up his mistress, he decided that finally he had to do something. and he did. You are choosing not to choose bet your wife and mistress. thus far you have been the selfish *astard sod because you are the only one benefitting. you do not love either of these women, you just take from them and use them because you can. you are stealing both your wife and mistress' life. you are wasting their lives. i am sure your faithful wife would also want a decent man in her life, taking care of her and her child. imagine then what you would do as your marriage crumbles and your wife moves on. not the big dude then? what would you really do, run to the mistress for comfort? but you think your wife would NEVER do this, isn't it. you cannot comprehend another man running his hands over her body, between her legs, basically all the intimate things you have been doing with your lover? what is good for you is even better for your wife. simple.
...............................
A
female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (19 March 2010):
 It is true you can't let her go. You can't let go. But what about the others involved? Is it just ok with you to be happy, only YOU? How would your wife and child feel? What about the mistress? Instead of her spending her time with someone she can get married to and have children with, she's wastin it all with you. It says here in your age you are in your 30s. Don't you think it is time to be mature? You know, just thinking of yourself and your only happiness is totally childish. Be a man and stand up for what is right. I know you don't want to let her go because you are scared of the pain of separation, but you are too old to be scared. You are too old to be a coward. A real man knows what is right and is willing to sacrifice for his loved ones as well. Choose among 2 sides now and suffer the consequences. Stop being selfish. You make it sound like what your doing wont hurt anyone. Please THINK.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (19 March 2010):
 Imagine yourself , your wife and child and your g/f all standing on the edge of the cliff.
Any wrong step by you will send to doom your wife and child or your g/f.
You don't want them to end at the bottom of the cliff , smashed to pieces.
There is one way you can save all by letting your g/f go.If you keep her at the edge of the cliff, you will destroy her life and she will grow old , frustrated, warped and angry because you promised her a lot but short on your delivery.
If you love her, you will need to let her go.You have come to a fork in the road and you must make the decision to part with one or the other.
It is better to feel the pain now before it is too late. She can still find her own happiness and destiny.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2010): You can't let her go because you are selfish. If you can't imagine your life without the other woman, take a moment and imagine your life without your wife and only seeing your child every other weekend because this is what's going to happen if you don't end this affair.For the past 8 years you have put your needs above that of everyone else's: your wife's need for a faithful husband, your baby's need for a father that honors and respects his/her mother, and your mistress' need for a man she doesn't have to share. All you care about is your discomfort if you can't continue to have your way, and in the meantime your mistress is missing out on an opportunity to have a husband and child of her own, no doubt because she is waiting for you to choose her. The truth is that you will never leave your happy home for this woman and you need to tell her this. If after 8 years she hasn't figured this out, I feel really sorry for her, but maybe she thinks she doesn't deserve more. Maybe it doesn't bother her to know that you are having sex with--and impregnating your wife--while she sits on the sidelines. Maybe it doesn't bother her that she can never spend a holiday with you or meet your family and friends. Look at things from her perspective and think about how this affair hurts everyone but YOU. You know what you need to do. Stop acting like a spoiled child; be a man and do the right thing for once in your life.
...............................
A
male
reader, anysecondnow  +, writes (19 March 2010):
Obviously you have a conscience even if you aren't behaving morally. Somehow you have to find the good guy within you and do the right thing by your wife and your mistress.
You might also gain self respect and lower your own stress.
...............................
A
female
reader, sincerelovee +, writes (18 March 2010):
 you probbably should of told the girl before it got too serious if you have a wife and a girlfriend, you should let the girlfriend go for a little, just stay with the wife for a month or so, if it doesnt work out, go back to the girlfriend.
...............................
|
