A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been married to my wife for 1 year now. We have been together for almost 10 years. This is the first time we have lived together and everything seemed to be going fine. We don't fight and we treat each other with respect. We do not have any children yet.I have recently been back in touch with a female I have a long history with. We lost touch before I met my wife and during this time I have tried to find her on and off but had no luck as she had changed her surname to her mother's maiden name. I had often thought of her during the time I was with my wife so I was extremely excited when she contacted me 3 weeks ago. Since then we have been chatting online and on the phone a few times. We have this amazing chemistry, so much in common and can talk for up to 7+ hours at a time. We are wired the same to the point that we know what each other are thinking at any given time. It's truly something more than lust. I have never felt this way with anyone else and she is the same. She is with another man (they are not married) and they have two beautiful children together (8 and 5yrs old), but she is extremely unhappy and has only stayed with him for the kids.My problem is that I am confused whether to follow my heart and meet up with her again. I am having these feelings for her that I have never had before and they are making me question whether I actually truly love my wife. I care for my wife deeply, but now feel I have been naive and committed to someone I realise I care deeply about, but don't truly love in a way that defines true love.My biggest fear is that I will continue on in this marriage and realise in time that she is not my true love. We will have kids by then and the whole sitution becomes much more complicated. We are both young and I do not wish to waste anymore of her prime years away. If I have made a mistake in marrying her I want to fix it sooner rather than later in order to give my wife time to move on and be happy with someone else.What should I do from here before it gets too messy.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010): You need to be sure of your feelings before you do anything, just because you have not met each other for long and had a history there are bound to be some sparks and passion, also she is unhappy in a relationship and thus keeds some one to share with, insted opf speaking with you for 7 hours he should spend time with her kids and husband.
Also if she wishes to leave her family then she must do that first, be indepident and single. in your case old spark always have excitment and new love feelings are strong and onec you have met and been with each other it may not be the same.
remember you have been in a relationship for over 10 years and you must give that a chance, dont rush into somthing and youwillend up being alone hurt and misrable
A
male
reader, slimfish  +, writes (21 October 2010):
 the first thing you need to do is tell your wife about this other woman.
if you are going to leave her, then make sure this other woman is the same as when you first met her, people do change and you may not be able to live with her now.and you will have to take care of her children as well as her.
its a big step.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (21 October 2010):
 You answered your own question. You do not wish to waste your wife's prime years. You know what you have to do, you have to tell your wife that this is not what you truly wanted and though you truly care about her, you do not and simply cannot, love her in the way a husband is supposed to love his wife. Hopefully things shall end well between you and you can profess your love for this other woman who will hopefully leave that unhappy relationship with her children if that is what you are willing to accept.
I hope that helps.
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