A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my husband and i have been married less than a year and im starting to regret marrying him, we rarely have sex in fact we only had sex twice last year and once the year before that. The thing is he spent the best part of four years cheating on me during that time we had lots of amazing sex. Im starting to think that sex was just "guilt" sex and that he only wanted to marry me because we have a small child. i know some people will think im stupid for marrying him in the first place but i have my reasons which im not going to go into, the problem really is like i said we never have sex yet i know he masturbates in fact i caught him at it not 10 minutes ago. What do i do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, the_phoenic +, writes (9 January 2010):
there is a very important point that the guys didnt realy pass by..
you said that in the begining he was very interrested in you sexually and you had a great sex life..
what changed that ??
most of men loose interrest in thier spouses if they keep putting them off when they want to have sex..
but if this is the case get it solved
there is another reason is physical apperance..
did you gain weihgt over the years??
if these were the problem get them solved..
but if they werent to be solved then get a devorce
and avoid the misatkes you made in this marriage in the future..
Good luck..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2010): Your relationship will not change with this man because he is not motivated by love and caring, unfortunatly. It is easy for me to say to leave him but that's what you need to do. He will not change and begin to love you that's how it is with men, they are either into you or not. I can only give you a common refrain - cut your loses so that the guy who will have no problems adoring you to can come into your life. There will be pain but in a relatively short period, a sense of relief, pride and sel-respect for what You have done to take of you and your child. Please do this, be good and loving to yourself, a loyal, caring wife and mother. Accept the gift that is waiting for you if you step away and have faith that you will get what you need. "know ye not that I can move mountains" this is a promise, now go and collect your reward.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2010): I have been married over five years and I would say that if you don't love him an your not happy don't torture yourself in a situation that is putting a hold on your life. Just because you have a child does not mean that you have to stay with someone who is not making you happy. He also does not sound like he loves you either if he cheats on a regular basis. maybe he is not ready for a one woman only relationship. If you want to stay with him I suggust you join in with his sessons or talk to him an let him know how you feel.
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A
female
reader, Aussie girl  +, writes (9 January 2010):
 Have you tried initiating sex with him? If you thought before he was having sex with you only out of guilt then maybe he's at least not cheating on you anymore.And next time you catch him masturbating ask him if you can give him a "hand" with that..
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (9 January 2010):
 Well, "softtouchmale2003" said it extremely well, in my opinion. I'm still trying to figure out why young women in England and elsewhere are screwing around with any horny bastard their age, and with little to no love, caring or commitment. Why not at least know who they are and what kind of person? What the F*** is going on with you girls?
But I'm still trying to be the naughty, older, progressive and permissive advisor here. My own youth was very promiscuous, but we were careful. Is sounds like you screwed and married a total sleeze. Face it and do as you must. You're
still young.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (9 January 2010):
 Wow! This is one of those times when you have to outright confront him about (a) whether he's still cheating on you and (b) why he seems to ignore your sexual needs, yet conveniently "handles" his own.
Marriage is a lot more than just sharing a child together. If he doesn't love you, or he can't stand the thought of sex with you, then marriage for the sake of trapping you into a life of unhappiness is silly.
Perhaps this is the point where you just need to sit down with him and tell him you feel totally neglected and unloved and you want to know why he's not treating you well. After all, you are his wife.
If he's not satisfied with sex with you, then perhaps tell him its time to part ways, raise your child as single parents and you can move on to someone who will love you, adore you emotionally and physically and give you what you need as a woman.
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