A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my wife from the time I graduated high school and I am turning 25 in April. We used to be the couple that everyone spoke about, we were both in great shape, we were very intimate and wild. Over the 7 years we have been together my wife has become very depressed. -I had too much to type so I am going to list our issues1. She is always complaining about being tired and never getting enough sleep no matter how many hours she gets (10-12/night)2. She has gotten to the point that she will strike herself or violently pull at her hair3. She hates that I can spend 4-6 hours on a weekend day hanging out with my friends and has asked me to stop (I only have 2 friends left that I spend any time with)4. She feels that our lives have become stagnant and boring and that she has lost her desire for me.5. I am a physically needy person, for 5 years we were intimate 4-5 times per week; now maybe try once every 2 weeks.6. My wife is no longer spontaneous in bed and I cannot seem to relax enough to enjoy it when we are intimate(1-2 hours)7. My wife has been my queen for 7 years and we have been through a lot of trials and tribulations and I have gone from working 3 jobs back to working 1 solid job to provide for her (I rarely say no) and am even paying for her to finish school through this.8. I just want to know if there is a way to save my relationship because I am tired of arguing and fighting for hours on end and never being able to come to a compromise.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses, I feel that she is bi polar she seems to have manic times and very depressed times. Her parents and I have both suggested that she see a counselor, or psychologist but her fear that she will find something is wrong with her is causing her too much strife to go. She no longer has any friends and she is working now part time while she goes to school. She tells me that she just has no desire to spend time with her family or friends, and she says that I am the only one who loves her and that is all she needs. She does know that she isn't normal, and for a couple days now she keeps repeating that she doesn't deserve me and that I should leave her. I don't want this to be the case but I don't know how to encourage her to get the help that she needs. Is it safe to assume that her condition would be treatable with both pharmaceutical and psychological therapy? When we were dating her mother called her a whore once, and she did recently say that this affected her. Her parents are very victorian so they used to be (they are getting with the times now) very old fashioned. My wife also states a lot that she is upset that she isn't doing what she dreamed of when she was young. She is not a great artist and she doesn't like where we live. We don't have children and I don't want to have children and she expressed that maybe in 15 years we could adopt. I didn't like this at first but I said we can consider it later. Thank you all for your support.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): Listen I am in the same situation. Only I am female and that is the way I feel about my husband. I dont know how you act toward her or treat her but he is too clingy and that has pushed me away. I hate to say this but either she has fallen out of love with you or she is depressed and needs help for that depression. Either way, I would find out what is going on and nip it in the bud while you still can!
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, elliebellie  +, writes (15 January 2008):
it sounds like your wife has depression. the more she leaves herself in this state, the worse shell get. pardon this image, but imagine your wife is a pan of hot water with a lid on. the more the pan is heated (the more your wife goes through life not treated) the hotter it gets until one day the lid flies off. -----all im saying is that your wife seems to have many issues that she may not have talked about before. lack of sleep can make her behaviour worse. once the issues are sorted out, you may be able to sort more of the day to day problems. eg. lack of sex, friends etc.
please ask her to go to a counsellor and you can always offer to go along with her.
hope this helps
feel free to mail me if you wanna talk about anything else.
good luck
lol
ellie
xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): Like the others I think your wife may need some serious help with a professional. Some of your points could be to do with things going a bit stale, that's not terribly unusual with the time yourv'e been together, equally the sex does tend to fall away abit with lifes stresses and day to day grind. However some of the other things you mention indicate that she is trouble by something, may not even know it herself!. See if you can suggest going to the doctor, maybe start with the tiredness and go with her. Once in the docors rooms you can bring other things up gently!. I think she needs help not criticisim. Good luck doll and I hope you get to the bottom of it. Doe she say she still loves you?
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (15 January 2008):
 Your wife needs serious counseling for her depression, and self harm. She may also need to be on medication to control her desire to self mutilate. I suspect alot of the other problems you've described will be more in balance once she is treated for her depression. I think it's at the root of what's going on between you. Your wife may later need to take a break from school and find a part-time job so she can meet new people, have a few friends of her own and feel like she's contributing to the family bank account. If that doesn't help her, you guys may need marital counseling as well. Please encourage her to get help immediately. Her behavior is destructive and unhealthy.
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A
female
reader, Serinity +, writes (15 January 2008):
 Do you have any children? Has she ever been checked out for depression? There are several issues that could be going on with her including depression, chemical imbalance thyroid problems. There are too many possibilities to guess what it could be. I would suggest that she start by seeing a docor and talking with them about how she's been feeling. If that's not the problem at least you can eliminate the obvious and go from there. Good luck!
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