A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Help Im going crazy Im a 47 year old married man with 4 kids. About 6 months ago I meet a lady shes 35 years old 3 kids I meet her at work her husband had just walked out on her and I was concerned about her there was nothing sexual about it I was genuinly worried about her. know after a long series of late night phone calls 1 to 2 hours every night in which we talked about alsorts of stuff my marrage in troubleme and my friend have an understanding she calls me her big brother and I call her my little sister we have just been really good friends I swear Iv never until 2 days ago put my arm around her but when I did things changed she told me she loves me and I told her the same but I also love my wife I dont know what to do my minds a mess starting to feel like Im going mad
View related questions:
at work, married man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): I am in a current situation with my husband, fortunately we have not had any children,; however after nearly five years of marriage he begans an emotional affair that later turned into a sexual affair with a young lady from work. He said that feelings were involved and until two weeks ago; he admitted that he was in love with two women. He is often offended when I address the nature of the relationship and is on eggs shells when I visit the office anticipating that I am going to address the other woman; seeming being more conscious of her feelings than mine. Yet he says that the bulk of this issue is due to the fact that he always wanted to be a bachelor and met me and fell in love and proposed and we've been married five years and 4 months before our 5 year anniversary, I found out that that he not only cheated but took this woman too my favorite restuarant, went out on several occassions, ditched moviees that I wanted to see and took her...All I can say is that until you decide to face the issue head on...you will feel like you are spinning in circles and the worst part is that everyone is affected by your, selfish, confussion and emotional stupor. Whatever was lacking in the home; trust me is easier discussed than jumping in bed with another person to prove a point of of immaturity and unhappiness. In my case, I am a top notch women who has been pursuing my goals and dreams; the same things that my husband and I discussed when we were dating (that we promised to do together). I kept my end of the bargain; he somehow lost his passion and ended up working this two-bit unprofessional telemarketing gig, where the woman are half -dressed and men are often young boys. His environment played the biggest deal on our marriage and his lack of self-motivation. Questioning being married in my eyes is only an excuse to validate the childish behavior of an affair that ruin what was in his own words "a perfectly good marriage". I hope that you seek professional help, spiritual guidance and reconcilation towards your wife and children...because the will suffer the most!
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 January 2008):
 You are a victim of circumstances .Now, that you have realized your follies , you need to walk away from this woman who is not your wife and seek forgiveness from your wife if she knows about this problem.
It is better she is hurt than your wife and four kids....You have to give her up no matter how painful it is to you.
It is better to lose an arm than to lose your life.
...............................
A
male
reader, emad khan  +, writes (15 January 2008):
 This is a difficult situation, but I believe for the sake of your children you need to put an end to this affair. I know its difficult, because, from the sound of it, you've really developed a love bond with this woman. Which is going to make it all the more difficult.
You're going to have to put away all your romantic ideas here, and THINK logically about what is likely to occur if you decide to have a serious relationship with this other woman. The divorce, the problems that result from the divorce, more importantly whats going to happen with your kids, etc...
If however (and this may contradict what I've said earlier) you truly believe that your wife and you would be happier splitting up....then...who knows...
Are you happy in your marriage..?
In all honesty, MY instinct tells me it would be best to call it quits with the affair. Save your marriage, and your kids from uneeded psychological trauma. you'll have to say good-by forever to this other woman, though.
But first, think long and hard about your feelings in the marriage- because,
you have to also consider why you fell in love with this other women in the first place...what is lacking in your marriage that you were able to find with this other person.. that is why we have affairs.
At some point, you may choose to come clean
to your wife. It will be difficult at first, but eventually this may save the marriage, in the long run, as those things you both feel are lacking can be rectified- and therefor more affair proof...
By the way, i've heard that it is indeed possible to be in love with 2 women at the same time. We, men and women, have a list of things which we deem important in relationships. Sex, communication, security, etc..the list goes on... we share these things in common, though perhaps in a different order of importance. When one or more of these things are missing from a relationship, we seek them elsewhere, and thats an affair. When we find someone who is able to supply us with that basic need we're not getting fullfilled, then we find someone else to supply it, and then we end up with, well...an affair.
you love your wife, as you have shared so much history, children, etc...
but this new person offers you something your wife isn't. But perhaps she can...so good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, elliebellie +, writes (15 January 2008):
first of all. if i was your wife and found you had been calling this other woman you met at work, at night for one or two hours, i would be seriously suspicious. i would wonder what else would be going on.
walk away. if she says she loves you again, say you dont feel the same way and you just wanted to comfort her when her husband walked away. you wanted nothing else.
you made a promise to a woman when you married her, so keep it. if you need to talk about your marriage problems them you can go to a marriage counsellor.
feel free to mail me if you wanna talk about anything else.
hope this helps
lol
ellie
xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (15 January 2008):
 You began an "emotional affair" with the woman the moment you became her crutch, her therapist and her close friend. Even though an emotional affair is absent of sex, it is still as destructive to a marriage as a sexual affair. Encourage your woman friend to get counseling, make a few friends with some women in the office, or outside the office, and start detaching yourself from her before things get out of hand and you wreck your marriage and your family. You have already taken this thing too far. Now it's time for damage control and self control. Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, Manya  +, writes (15 January 2008):
It's" easy"
(at least for starters) to be helpful to a woman who's gone through the
horrendous experience of having her husband walk out on her, and it must've boosted your manhood to help the damsel in distress. I don't mean to put a nega†ive slant on your impulse to reach out and help someone. But, look carefully at what's been happening.
What does your wife think about the whole thing (before the recent development)? Maybe it is now time to reach out to your WIFE who is probably suffering greatly, and feeling neglected, and also to those four children who need their Daddy!
...............................
A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (15 January 2008):
 You knew what you were getting into when you started calling her, this is text book cheating! The woman lost her husband, married man comes along and wants to just comfort her and it leads to something more. Just walk away from this situation. My dad around your age with 4 kids and you won't want to put the whole family through this pain, it won't just effect your wife. Sort out your marriage
...............................
|
