A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Morning peeps. My male colleagues girlfriend is jealous of his frienships at work.The guy in question joined our team about 7 months ago and we arranged a night out whereby we could bring our partners and he bought his gf. We all tried to make the effort tovralk to her but she just sat all evening looking miserable and giving us all (including out other male colleagues) evil stares !Then the oddest thing happened, a few days later a couple of the girls in the team- myself included got a friend request from her on fbook - I didn't accept her. The following week at work my male colleague told us all to ignore her friend request as she suspected something ws going on- ie wevwere all having an affair with her bf! Now no disrespect but ghe guy isn't s catch, he is nice enough but we don't fancy him!!He then bought her up in the office 1 day after all this with their 2 kids and 1 of my colleagues heard her slag off the job, the office etc.... She didn't even say hello but once again stood there giving us nasty looks.Our manager found out what she had said and noticed her attitude and asked my male colleague not to bring her up again.What has been noticed is she now drops him off in the morning- he used to get the bus in and she waits in the car park for ages.Our male colleague assures us nothing is wrong and she won't do anything.Should we be more wary???
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affair, at work, co-worker, jealous Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Chickb +, writes (10 May 2010):
Hi poster.Like many of the rest said it sounds like she is very insecure and doesn't like the idea of him having female friends. This is her issue and she needs to get help.If you tried to include her on your evening out and she snubbed you all then she needs to grow up and act like a responsible person seeing as she has children.Poster good luck and if she does anything else then inform management or keep a diary of what goes on-times places etc.... There are plenty of weirdos in this world and no one would blame you for being cautious x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010): To me it seems like all you work friends think you are superior to her. No wonder she is on guard. Can you people not see that you have disrespected personal boundaries here. For goodness sake you work groupies are breeding that old familiarity breeds contempt scenario. Before long he will be having problems with his kids mother. Surely you people should butt out of his personal life. You guys seem so nosey and disrespectful , no wonder she is on guard. I think you work colleagues need to grow up and stop meddling in HIS private life. You girls are stirring trouble and you should start minding your own business. Work areas are for work, and not a party. Maybe if you people stop worrying about the guys gf then perhaps work productivity will improve. You women and I am sure the men too are faning the flames here and sooner than later you will be asking for trouble. Try growing up and start acrting like a mature adult. For now none of ytou have done this. You have picked on this woman unnecessarily aand you have been gossiping about her. You may not see it the way I have but please just stop it. The idle gossip, the teatime discussions about his gf has to stop and it needs to stop now. I do not know whether you are the leader of this pack but maybe you need to make a change. You be the change that you want. So next time you all gather to discuss this colleagues bitch gf don't be draged into it. Refraim from talking about her and change YOUR behaviour towards her. You all seem to be in corhorts and are in a clique so how else do you expect her to behave towards you all. And please stop discussing this mans gf with him. You all are breaching relationship boundaries and should back off. You say that no body is interested in him. Good. He is taken anyway. So stop interfering in his private life. This is not what you want to hear but I think you need it. Kindly feel free to show my response to all the other 'friends' in the group. Maybe YOU can start by changing your attitude and this will make a difference. Take Care
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010): She's insecure, paranoid, don't get involved, don't worry about it it isn't your problem
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (10 May 2010):
 I think it was a really bad mistake for him to mix his private and professional life by bringing her to the office and have social evenings. It sounds as if they have lots of problems in their relationship and you really don't know what goes on behind their closed doors at home. I think it was wise not to add her on facebook or any other form of communication since her first reaction towards you and your colleagues was not great. It opens the possibility of being dragged into what should be a very personal matter between the man and his partner - anything you say could be twisted by her to fit with her view of things. At the end of the day the manager was wise in banning her from the office and it is sensible to not get involved in his personal life because you have to work with him at the end of the day. Whatever you say, however innocent, could be misrepresented and you come to work to do a job and get paid rather than be agony aunt to a man and his partner in relationship crisis.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 May 2010):
She's clearly very insecure and worried about something. Don't be too hard on her. If he's just started a new job, it could very well be that he's had an affair elsewhere, such as at his old job, and she is naturally wary that he's up to no good. I think you'll find that he's hurt her very badly, and she's now very insecure about it. There is a lot more to this than meets the eye. It's clear that something is very wrong here. So it's either that she's basically nuts, or he has already done the dirty on her before at his old job (it would explain a job move during a recession) and she's now very worried about it all. I don't think you need to have much to do with her, and I don't really think you or your colleagues have to worry about her. I think he does though. He's done something and she's now very upset about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010): Why don't you try the mature thing? Ask her what her problem is and tell her that you are just colleagues and there is nothing to worry about. She may suspect something is happening and what would it cost you girls to just give her some assurance? Mother of 2... husband out there in the world and surrounded by younger beautiful women?? Just face her... it would take all of 2 mins of your life and you don't know what difference you would make to hers. I am sure its not fun for her to go around giving people daggers! Peace could be made. If you don't do it for her...do it for your male colleague! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010): Get over yourself.
No she's just concerned that her man might be a cheat, in fact he might very well have cheated before at his old work place, hence the behaviour of waiting in the car park. Yes, its creepy and a bit too over bearing but nothing that suggests dangerous.
I highly doubt that she is going to attack you or do anything to harm you so no need to be wary. Also, I think she has the right to have an opinion about the work place, job etc.
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