A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I'm losing my mind, help me please. I am a 24 year old man who always didn't find a way to connect with people on a close and intimate level due to the fact that my way of thinking is completely unacceptable in my community. I have spent my life wanting love, but I wanted someone who would understand how I feel, how I think and how I dream. To make story short, and over the past two weeks, I kinda got the chance to know someone who I was acquainted with for two years already. It was a pure chance that we started talking about some issues that are usually considered taboo or frown upon in my country. He is a 24 year old amazing guy, who is from a neighboring country with the same mentality for people and culture. I couldn't believe that there was someone out there who would feel and think and act in a way that I can relate to so much. I am madly and deeply want to see him as much as I can, but I am keeping myself together not to scare him out or anything. He told me once "You're someone I have been looking for all my life," and my heart just melted when I heard that. I know he at least likes me, more than he ever liked anyone before, and I can sense that we are both eager to see each other, but both are hesitant and maybe afraid. I tried to throw some hints that I always found it possible to love anyone regardless of their gender, but I am afraid to say anything to him directly. We both live in a community where such relationships is harshly frowned upon and I am afraid of what might happen to me if I was maybe imagining things with him.I never knew what being love-sick means until I met him, and I find myself checking my phone or email a thousand times a day to see if he sent me anything. I am absolutely losing my mind, in a very beautiful and intimate way, what should I do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, aim  +, writes (20 March 2008):
 Hi again! It's gonna be quite tough not knowing if your guy also likes you or not. You say that he already told you that, "You're someone I've been looking for all my life." Though unsure if there is a deeper feel in that statement, you should tell him that 'HE is someone you have been looking for all your life.'
As they say, let nature take its course. Just go with the flow. You two would clear things out i believe.
*Goodluck Hug!* ü
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies guys. To answer some of the questions that have been asked, I do live in Syria and I didn't want to misguide you about the situation here in the sense that my life is not in danger or anything, it's not illegal as well and gotta admit that tolerant people can be found -- not great understanding people, but minimally tolerant. There is also a big gay community here as well and I haven't heard of a single instance of persecution or any other thing. That, however, was not the reason I posted this SOS message. Aim asked a good question, and my answer is that I am not gay. It is hard to explain it really. I have been with girls before but it was not exactly what I looked for. I didn't even knew that I could develop such deep feelings for a guy until I knew him better. What is really aching me is that I know he is really open-minded and like no one else I have met before. But I keep wondering, what might happen if I told him how I feel and he gets weirded out? That way I am gonna lose him both as the bestest friend ever, and all the potentials for future will disappear instantly. It is the first time I felt so much love, amazement, longing and affection for someone, and the fact that he is a man didn't stop me. If that makes me queer, then by all means call me that. Many also suggested moving to somewhere else. Now, despite the fact that this is virtually impossible, I am already on my way to moving to the US, and I am almost half way there and I know I will end up there in a very short period. I have been preparing for this move for years but now I am starting to have doubts. What if I can be with him? If I go to the states and leave him here, then I know all the possibilities will be gone once I get onto that airplane.I am really sorry for wearing you out with this cheezy love thing, I feel like I'm 13, but I can't really talk about this to anyone other than some strangers on the net. -Love-struck
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A
female
reader, yeahsureyoubetcha  +, writes (19 March 2008):
 What can I say. People should be able to live any way they like. I want to believe that being able to do that is what being alive is all about. To pursue your loves and dreams and ideals in acceptance. It doesn't seem to be true any ware. It seems the best we get is tolerance. Mostly we get intolerance that is not followed by violence because of rights that are universally excepted. But it is better that the alternative. Move somewhere that you will be barely tolerated and not killed for being who you are. Find the one closest to your home be that blocks or miles and live there.
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A
male
reader, Stroller  +, writes (19 March 2008):
 Ok, a bit of homework reveals the flag next to your name indicates Syria - I guess this illuminated a bit where you're coming from.
I think it's safe to say that there are gays everywhere, and always have been. The conservatives like to use the word "homosexuality" because it sounds more sinful, but dude, it isn't, and it's always been around.
First thing to say to you is "good luck" and the second is "keep yourself safe". I meant the latter as in try-not-to-get-the-bejesus-kicked-outta-you by the local rednecks, but I guess you oughta remember to keep yourself safe in the communicable-diseases sense, also.
From what you're saying, it sounds like he might be a goer, but as a third-party it's impossible for us here to be sure. So all you can do is take it slowly and try to let nature take its course. Sounds like you're dropping the right hints - I hope it's some consolation that lots of us straight kids have been through the same thing; there are about a zillion posts here from guys asking "do you think she likes me" and from girls asking "how do i tell him how i feel?"
I guess if you feel able to open up to him as you have then he's open-minded and non-judgemental. Even if he doesn't swing your way, I think that should be some reassurance to you that he's not going to give you a bad time when you do finally come out to him.
There was a beautiful letter in Dan Savage's column last week, in which an American teenage boy write in to say that his mother had walked in on him to catch him sucking another kid's dick. I think the two guys were about 15 or 16, and the author's parents sat him down that evening to say "hey, we're sorry - we must've done something wrong if you didn't think you could tell us". Clearly he was to be introducing them (properly!) to his boyfriend, and one might expect the parents to be meeting each other in the future, accepting their kids as a normal couple. I mean, a lot of parents in that situation would just allow the buys to sleep over with each other at weekends & stuff - what the heck! it's better than them going at it in public toilets, right? (I should add a lot of parents in the UK or the USA WOULDN'T be cool about it, either, but you win some you lose some).
Anyway, the author of this letter wrote to Dan Savage to say thank you to Dan's generation for coming out. Because Dan & his peers - the queers of the 70s - were out and proud and demanded rights, the kids of today have acceptance. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry it has to be you that's walking down that road in your country. It ain't an easy one, but just remember - the times they are a changin', man.
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A
female
reader, Jmo +, writes (19 March 2008):
 It seems like you already know what you want and are in the position to get it from this guy. He obviously has feelings for you and regardless of the fact that it's kinda taboo where you're at, you can't neglect your feelings. Follow your heart, no matter how lame that sounds. Keep me updated.
-Jmo
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A
male
reader, aim +, writes (19 March 2008):
First of all, are you gay? Or it just so happens that the person you wanted to love and understand you was a man? Well it seems you are madly crazily in love with this one. and you're at 'paranoid border' to see him, hear him, talk to him. To tell you the truth, i find it cute. ü The only way that you will be able to get close to him in an intimate level would be if you open up. Tell him that though forbidden and all, you can't deny the fact that you are intimately attracted to him and willing to work things out with him. Finally, not to sound offensive but, what country do you guys live in? (i dont know the flag icon you have) I guess if you are serious and want to pursue things with him, you might want to consider leaving for another country. Please update! G'luck ü
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