A
female
age
36-40,
*tephanie22
writes:my boyfriend and i are having problems i guess you could say. we have been together for a year and a half now. we only have sex about twice a month. his first excuse was that he never wanted to cause im too pushy about it but now he says he has a libido problem cause he is 37 but he is mastubating to porn about 30 minutes after i leave for work. i have tried to mess around with him almost on a daily basis but he always pushes me away and says he is not in the mood. i dont really masturbate cause im always trying to hold out for him but he never wants me. he says its not me that im hot and gorgeous and i love him but im so sexually frustrated and have tons of offers from other guys everyday to go out to dinner and get to know them. i love my boyfriend but im tempted to move on. what should i do?
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in the mood, libido, move on, porn, sexually frustrated Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2010): You have asked a very powerful and relevant question. With busy schedules and financial stress, many guys are happy pleasing themselves in ways that unwind them.
I think he loves you as a person, and likes being youf bf, but does not find you sexy. Trust me, this is a very common situation.
Since you are not married to him, you don't have much to lose: Please ask him to answer honestly if he finds you sexy.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 May 2010):
 Sorry, but this sounds like a really serious addiction that needs professional help. When it gets to the point of him refusing to have sex with you at all because he's so into his porn, this goes beyond insensitive or gender differences. This is a real addiction that needs help. I think you need to suggest he gets counseling.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (14 May 2010):
 Alex, it's fine if he wants to do his own thing quickly with one of them pornography things, but if he hasn't got enough left for his girlfriend, then he's not ready to be in a loving relationship.
Pornography shouldn't leave a partner alone and unsatisified, if it does, it's a problem and should be left alone.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (12 May 2010):
 To alex74, yes that's probably true, the guy would rather masturbate than spend an extra 20 mins making his girlfriend as happy and satisfied as he is. But is that a loving relationship?
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A
male
reader, alex74 +, writes (12 May 2010):
 Something must be wrong with him. Most guys would love to have a woman with a strong sex-drive. The only thing I could possibly think of in his defense would be the following: How much of a production is it to get you ready? Most men can perform at the drop of a hat. Women need more priming. Perhaps he is lazy and would rather masturbate to porn and be done with it in 5 minutes instead of having to please you before he can get satisfied. Just a thought.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (12 May 2010):
 Communications is the key to a successful relationship. You need to communicate your feelings and frustrations to him and understand what is the problem with him.
Together , you will help removed those blocks that is obstructing your happiness.
Good luck to you .
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A
male
reader, Galan007 +, writes (12 May 2010):
In my opinion, if you are questioning whether or not you want to move on, you may not be as in love with your boyfriend as you believe.
Talk with him about your problem(s). Tell him how you feel. That is honestly the only way to help fix whatever problem(s) he/you may have.
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A
female
reader, PissyNovelist  +, writes (12 May 2010):
 Honestly, just tell him the truth.
Say "Honey, I love you. But the physical relation that has been on the downward slope is starting to get to me. We really need to change this."
Or talk to him about why he doesn't want to have sex with you. Try to find the route of the problem. But in all honesty, tell him staright up that you need sex.
Its one fo those situations when being forward and not beating around the get you far.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (12 May 2010):
Tell him that he dosen't have enough juice to masterbate and take care of you as well. Tell him that you need sex more than twice a month, and tell him he has to change his ways. You need to decide how much you love this man and if your willing to stay in this non-sexual relationship. Tell him that the next time he turns you down sexually, you'll be off to find a real man who dosen't need to masturbate but prefers a real woman and the real thing.
Tell him all this, stick to your words and then the next time your horney and he leaves you alone, walk out the door and find a better man to love.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (11 May 2010):
 Don't give up just yet. He's probably having erectile dysfunction. Does he need a diet change? Try adding more zinc and selenium in his diet. Is he afraid of going to the doctor? What is he waiting for? He's only 37. How long can he go on living like this?
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (11 May 2010):
 Talk to your boyfriend and ask him to tell you the real reason he don't want to have sex because now you are debating a breakup. You are too young to be in a relationship without sex and sooner or later you will take up one of those dinner dates so the best thing to do is clear out right now that your dating.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 May 2010):
 You should tell your boyfriend that "It's not you, it's me" isn't working anymore because the question you want to know is what the matter is with him; that is to say, you already know it's HIM, not you, as you're willing to have close encounters of many kinds. He's not giving you terribly recent news.
I don't quite understand the porn thing because he has a 22 year old in his bed.
Leave those tons of offers from other guys aside until you have decided what to do with Mr. Boyfriend. I have the hunch that you're not ready to "move on", as in "leaving him", but you're tempted to accept an offer to have sex with someone else, which is a different thing. It won't solve the problem.
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A
female
reader, greenflower +, writes (11 May 2010):
honestly, you're young. your urges are only going to get stronger. women tend to peak at an older age too. for him, at his age, it will be different. his sex drive may decrease.
you can maybe try watching porn together? mutual masteration (if that's what he enjoys more)? sex toys?
and in the end, if you're not sexually compatible, it may be a problem. so talk to him how you feel and if the sex is not going to change, you may need a change.
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