A
male
age
36-40,
*ionnlagh
writes:Dear Cupid. Hello. My girlfriend and I broke up over a silly issue two months ago. Our first and thus far, last fight. That's fine; we've both moved on. Being Christmas and all, I wrote her a thank you, merry Christmas and happy new year letter. It's very sweet and I wrote nothing but encouraging and kind things.But... There's a (long) paragraph I wrote that is 'very' sexually explicit and reads like a sex fan-fiction story. A true fantasy I had about her after we broke up. I may never see or hear from this girl again, so this letter is also my final goodbye in a way.My question is: should I omit this part of the letter, even though it's true? Or should I leave it in and let her see the type of sex crazed/normal guy I really am.I did write it in the hopes she would read it and never want to speak to me again; but a second opinion would be cool.She meant a lot to me but I just need to know whether girls like holding onto proof of what type of person/lover they had. (does that make sense?) Thanks.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Fionnlagh +, writes (11 December 2010):
Fionnlagh is verified as being by the original poster of the question Very cool and appropriate responses. Thanks. I still plan on wishing her a happy new year, but I'll keep the personal garb to myself. I knew it wasn't a good idea, but it felt right to ask and get some positive viewpoints. Reinforce my doubts.
You're right; we don't need to say anything more to each other. Some say it's wrong to say anything at all, but I still feel like it would be a nice thing to wish for someone. Regardless of the past.
Thank you all and Happy Holidays!!! Keep up the advice giving, it all helps.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 December 2010):
 There is never anything wrong in wishing good things to people. I just don't see much point in it, since supposedly both of you have moved on and require no further contacts..?
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (11 December 2010):
 Its fine to send a card saying "Merry Christmas", "Happy Holidays" and wishing her well, ect, but PLEASE don't send some sexual fantasy with all the details, she won't be impressed, and it might be passed around to all of her friends, and as Ceberus says, you'll be labeled as some kind of freak. If you're going to send anything, keep it short and sweet, and let it go. My ex husband sent me a letter one time going into all of his fantasies about things we had never did. It was disgusting, and I burned it. YUK.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): God no, girls don't like that kind of stuff at all. When in any romance movie have you ever seen the male protagonist send a sexually explicit letter? You haven't because they don't, they write sweet things about eyes and sunshine not sweat and bodily fluids. They're called 'love' letters not 'fuck' letters.
Girls like to be reminded of romance, a time when you shared a special romantic moment together. Not about the time you came on her face.
She'll just think you're a perv or a creep because sending a sexually explicit letter to a girl is weird and creepy. She doesn't need to know that, you might aswell write a big long explicit letter about the last time you went to the toilet.
Remember whatever you send is going to be shown to her friends, you can't take back a letter or deny its contents. It's permanent evidence of what you meant to her and sexual writing can be misconstrued as you only thinking about her sexually, plus she might not think you were that great in bed at all, and yes women will lie about that, they've even been known to fake orgasms :O She might laugh her ass off at it and tell her friends how deluded you are.
Keep it sweet and romantic, and save your sexual fantasies for the bedroom where they belong, with your next girlfriend.
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A
male
reader, Fionnlagh +, writes (11 December 2010):
Fionnlagh is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. I liked reading that CindyCares. So is there anything wrong with just saying Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year to this girl?
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A
female
reader, KarlaMarie  +, writes (11 December 2010):
 jus send her a normal xmas card. dont contain any sexuall content in it what so ever!!..
you say you have both moved on, so the fact that you have done this in hope she will never speak to you again means there should be no worry about if she speaks to you again or not!!
just let her move on with her life and you concentrate on yours!.
things like this should never be braught up! girls tend to be more emotional than men in most cases.. dont confuse the poor girl .. just write a simple xmas card saying happy xmas have a lovely day!! simple!
the relationship is over... and this means any sexuall thought about her should be left behind... move on truely and whatever you do dont send her that letter!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (11 December 2010):
No, don't send it.
Pushing your sexual fantasies upon a girl that's not connected to you anymore, and maybe does not even want to be connected anymore, is inappropriate, invasive and arrogant.
Girls don't want to hold on to proof of what lover their ex was. Either they already know it, or they could not care less.
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