A
female
age
51-59,
*harming Sunset
writes:Hi all, I separated from my husband 6 months ago and I've been finding really hard to let go. I didn't realise how obsessive I'd become until somebody pointed out to be yesterday. I've had all night to think about it and OMG I've become an idiot. So I've decided I will live day to day and what ever happens happens. I have my 3 children to think about and they're the most important thing in my life. Ok my question now is,where do people my age usually hang out? What sort of hobbies should I take up? I haven't really done anything but be a wife and mum for 20 years. Thanks all for your advice. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Charming Sunset +, writes (11 December 2010):
Charming Sunset is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to you both for taking the time to answer. I'll look into maybe an art course and might take up doing extra work for TV and film. I used to do that years ago and enjoyed it a lot. :)
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (11 December 2010):
 Hi there, I'm glad to see you posting again!
I guess the question for you is, what are your interests?
I entertain people at my house quite often. Excuses for parties are: football games, cookie swaps, book club gatherings, wine tastings, birthdays, friends get-togethers. You don't have to be an amazing cook, by the way, there are loads of helpful cookbooks and programs that will guide you through them.
Outside the house, book clubs are great, I know several women who belong to more than one. Walking groups is a great idea, it doesn't even have to be an organized one, I walk with a small group of friends and as one woman said one day on our walk, it's a whole lot cheaper than therapy. Local arts organizations are always looking for volunteers to stuff envelopes and assist with programs. My local science center needs people to assist everyday. There are charity organizations desperate for people's help and helping people in need is always a great boost.
Garden clubs, master gardening classes, garden design courses. Art schools, pottery classes, jewelry-making workshops, watercolor or oils painting. Fitness clubs, swimming clubs, gyms.
I have lost 40 lbs and have gone from obese to normal weight. I feel GREAT and look good too! I've gone from being clinically depressed and stuck to being vital and active and happy and healthy again. Regular exercise makes a HUGE difference. I cannot emphasize that enough.
Yoga is FABULOUS. I have been doing it for 2 years now and my flexibility is great but the other benefit is the calming of the psyche. It's very grounding and I cannot recommend it enough. It's GREAT. My teachers mix it up and we do breathing, chanting, meditation as well as some poses. You don't have to do the sweaty intensely physical yoga to get great benefits.
When I moved to my new town, I contacted the local volunteers bureau and they had pages and pages of listings for local organizations. I picked the one that appealed to me most and wound up sitting on committees and helping plan events. It's very fun and quite a charge to wind up with so much responsibility. Gives you a sense of personal power and self-worth, I can tell you.
Other friends do quilting groups, dog training, organize trips to countries for charitable medical care, field trips for school students.
Breast cancer, autism, Alzheimers, heart disease, muscular dystrophy are just a few of the charities for which I've been involved in events. Walks, fundraisers are going on all the time and if you can't afford the cash, you can provide your time and energy.
Trivia games contests with friends are fun too. One restaurant here does events once a month, for example. Teams compete for prizes.
There are scads of things you can get involved in, just decide what interests you and research it!
Good luck to you as you move forward with the new attitude and outlook on life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): Oh and not to forget there are also fitness classes and stuff too. I started working out a couple of years back I went from chubby almost fat to fit and lean. I really just can't explain how good that feels and how great it feels after the first couple of weeks. Having a fit healthy body really alters your mental well being too. It has a really profound effect actually.
It takes time, patience, dedication and motivation but once you hit the 3 week mark it becomes addictive. You feel improvement on your well being every week.
I really can't recommend improving fitness and physique enough, it's probably one of the best things I ever decided to do in my life and only sex feels better than it (not by much haha).
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): Please do keep us updated on what you decide to do, because we do truly hope things work out well for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): Hi again Charming Sunset.
A great activity my aunt started recently was join a walking club. Lots of women your age there, walking to keep fit. She says it's changed her life, honestly I found that thought laughable but when she explained it it made sense. She met lots of other women her age there and made new friends, is keeping fit in the process and as you well know going for a walk in the fresh air is a great way to relieve stress and clear your head.
You could also go to salsa, line dancing, yoga or other such classes. They're great for meeting new people too. Have a look at some other classes, night classes etc. like cooking (can always learn more about that), learning a new language or other such skills based class. All of these things give you a sense of focus, a goal to obtain. Say for example you go to a language class for beginners, then you meet new people, you also have a goal to focus on and the feeling of empowerment from learning and achieving a new thing, really is something to behold. It's very addictive, you'll want other goals, you'll want to achieve more and do more. Having small attainable goals are great for confidence and focus, they're a great way to move forward because you can see that you are moving forward, you have concrete evidence of that.
The way I see it Charming Sunset, you devoted the last 20 years of your life to your marriage and kids, you probably did a very good of that too despite everything that's happened the past 6 months, well now it's time for you to live your life for you. It's time to look toward building yourself a good future, learning new things and meeting new people. Enjoying your new found freedom while you still have youth on your side, because you do still have youth on your side.
I'd actually highly recommend going back to college and getting a degree if you don't already have one. Your duty as wife and mother have changed now. Your kids are probably reaching maturity and you have no husband to consider, so you get to focus on you. Once you start doing things for yourself you'll wish you'd done it a long time ago. Have a look in the papers for listings of classes and walking clubs, you might even take up a sport or hobby you gave up when you got married. The world really is your oyster, time to start enjoying being free.
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