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male
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*umaxter
writes: My girlfriend and I have been together for the past one-year. She is 28 and I am 31. The relationship was great, except for a few minor quibbles. A couple of times I was jealous – once when some male friend of hers grabbed her at a party, and some other random incident at a bar. Otherwise, everything was great – I have stuck with her through her thick and thin, I have cared for her so much more than anyone else can; and she knows it.A couple of weeks ago, I went on a vacation to see my family (they live in completely different continent), and as I was seeing them after 7 years, I decided that I should go by myself. We had discussed this several times and we came to the conclusion that I should go home by myself. My vacation lasted about 3 weeks – everything was fine, she sent me so many emails laced with love etc. On my return, she cried and seemed very different – she was pale, and looked like she was not taking care of herself while I was away. But I also sensed that something was wrong – so I asked her if everything was all right, and if there was anything that I should worry about – especially the relationship. She got upset and said that we did nothing but talk about the relationship, and that she was sick and tired of talking about the relationship. At the same time, she suddenly asked for more space, instead of meeting 5 days a week, she just wanted to hang out for a couple of days. I kind of got the idea, and confronted her in a really nice way. She just took things to the other extreme and said that she does not see a point in this relationship, and that her needs have changed, and she does not want to be with me anymore. Once, she even tried to break up with me over the voicemail!Finally, last Saturday she told me that she did not care about this relationship anymore, and although she still loves me, she does not see the relationship going anywhere. She said that she wanted to date other people. She also dis-invited me from her family’s place for Xmas. Three days after we broke up, I could not bear the pain anymore, and tried calling her. She met me the next afternoon, and we chatted, and she came home for dinner, and we made out etc. She told me that she really missed me a lot. So we decided to take things slow. I talked to her every night, and everytime I asked her to meet me for dinner, she would cry and say that she needed space, and she wanted to be alone. Yesterday we went to a movie, and after the movie got over I asked her if she wanted to go to my place. Again, she started crying, and said that I was not giving her the time to sort out the confusion in her head. In the mean time, she also kept blaming me for the things that have happened a few months ago – the way I felt jealous when someone tried to grab her etc. Then she told me last night that she was tired of wasting my time, and she needed space – she also wanted to know why I loved her, and also whether the feelings I have towards her is love to begin with!Now she tells me that she wants us to have a break – but she does not know if we will be together or not after the break. She said the break should last for a month.Now I don’t know what to do – it is extremely confusing and I am losing my mind over this relationship. I am unable to give up because I really love her. I have a feeling that she is trying to block me out completely, but she is unable to do so at points of time.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): Ok...I'm gonna be clear and bold with you (for your own good). And I am a guy. No chick advise. Strictly Guy adise. Man to Man..Okay.. Girls say something and it could mean various things. Sometimes the opposite or sometimes the actual meaning. The point is In order to decode a woman one(You) must analyze. here's a quote on what you said...pretty much sums up everything about the relationship.
"She told me that she really missed me a lot. So we decided to take things slow. I talked to her every night, and everytime I asked her to meet me for dinner, she would cry and say that she needed space, and she wanted to be alone."
Its clear that she in love with you because any girl would've left you by now. you made her feel "It" and woman long for that, but Here's what i've observed... You give her space and she wants to get back with you and when you don't give her space she starts to crying and make excuses that the relationship isn't working. What you NEED and I say NEED as in a NECESSITY is to give her space. In this case she needs more space DO THIS and she'll come running back. but when she's back you don't make the same mistakes twice. which is....
1. YOU DON'T CALL HER EVERYDAY, actually you should call her once a week at most in the beginning but above all else.... Let her be the one that chases YOU! If she says why you haven't been calling say, "I've been busy" and be bold about it. Being "Bold" means, you don't have to explain what exactly you've been doing just say. Woman love men that are busy and that aren't attached to them. If you're calling her everyday, Meeting everyday, then things become boring! Thats why she's been crying boo hoo over stupid reasons. Women are emotional which means that lack reason. Start doing things you love doing on your own and keep busy! :D Don't center your life on her, If you do (what you've been doing) you'll only keep getting what you're getting! You got to change your approach! This is KEY!
2. Above else KEEP YOUR COMPOSURE AND LEAD! Women want men to be told what to do! Even though women say, "don't tell me what to do!" in woman thats "tell me what to do!" believe it or not. This doesn't mean you step on her it means you reason why its better and list the cons of her idea. An example would be her saying, "lets go here" You would say, "Why?" and then challange her until she sees it your way. A better example would be, "hey buy me this" "Honey...Do I look like an ATM machine?" with a playful but bold tone. She still complains you shut her off because you made the decision not to buy her something and if she still goes on you tell her boldy, "If I buy you something it wouldn't be a surprise now would it!???" "i'll buy you whatever I chose on my own terms honey which means I'm not burger king hon CAN'T have it your way all the time ;-)"
3. Make her work for your love. sounds selfish but its the truth. Woman love it when mean tease them and give them a hard time. A girl at a carlos mencia show said, "why are men such d***s??" and Carlos responded by saying, "well.....Girls...Like... to !#$%* D***s!" and the girl sat down with a look on her face like, "ha...he's right." The whole point is to give her a hard time. For example you mentioned you take her out to eat. Have her pay your way once in a while. If you go to the movies say, "Buy me some popcorn hon" and if she looks at you like "WTF?" respond with something like "You want equal rights then you can pay for something i'd usually pay for :D" Do this and if she gets pissed off, walks away, DONT CALL HER BACK. LET HER WALK AWAY. SHE'LL KNOW YOU'RE SERIOUS IF YOU DON'T CALL HER BACK. KEEP YOUR COMPOSURE AND I GUARENTEE she'll call you back.
I can go on and on about this. If you want more advice Instant message me. [email address blocked] or Message me on youtube, "elfmagnet101"
A
female
reader, StarNews +, writes (30 December 2005):
 This girl is sending you in circles because she does not know what she wants. She needs time to think and that is exactly what you need to give her. I know how you must feel, because it is hard to give someone time, for fear of losing them. But when you really love someone, their hapiness is all that should matter and you should be willing to let them go for that reason. You will eventually lose her if you dont give her the time she needs. Right now, it is her decision to be apart. But when and if she decides to come back, that is your time to hear what she has to say and your time to decide if you want to continue the relationship. Love is patience, so if you love her, let her go. It sounds to me that she does love you (when you love someone, you miss them and she told you that), but she wants you to respect her space. If she misses you, she will return and I have a good feeling she will from reading your letter.
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A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (30 December 2005):
 Hi dearie, i am so sorry u are going through this. your girlfriend seem really confused here that is why she slips in and out. I think it will be wise to give her a break as she indicated to sort her feelings out. You two cant keep doing this to yourselves it must be putting u through alot of emotional distress.
During this break u should try and reflect on the problems encountered in the relationship. u did mention that u had abit of jelousy issues twice. u have to learn how to deal with this. find out what cause this.if it is a either a trust issue, possesiveness or low esteem problems.i'm pointing out this just in case she comes back to u or u find yourself in another relationship so it doesnt happen again.
I agree with Angel underneath if she come back to u in a month then she still loves u if not then u have to let her go.
All the best dear
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A
female
reader, Angel Underneath +, writes (30 December 2005):
Don't take offense but you come across in your letter as very intense. It sounds like she wants to break up . When someone says they want a break they're usually on their way out of the relationship and its the cowards way of saying "lets not see each other for a while and then it will be easier to break up when we haven't seen each other for a while" She is unable to block you out because its a confusing time when you break up with someone and if that person is still around then the break up just takes longer.
You won't want to hear this but let her go - if after the month she comes back to you then you know she really loves you. If she doesn't then you know that things would never have worked. Just because you have been there for her emotionally in the past does not mean that no-one else can care for her as much - thats emotional blackmail. If she doesn't come back then you will move on eventually and find someone who loves you just as much back. Loves no fun when it's one sided
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