A
female
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*ush123
writes:I met a guy at a college party three months ago. It was so obvious that he liked me but at the time I wasn't sure if I liked him as I had just split with my last boyfriend. He gave me his number but I didn't give him mine. I called him three days later and arranged to meet up. He seemed like a great guy but was obvious he liked me more than I liked him. We met up twice more after that but then I felt I couldn't see him again because I still had feelings for my ex. (I did not tell him this). This guy continued to text my friend and it bugged me because he kept telling her that he really liked me. A week passed and I txt him to ask him to come out for a drink. He agreed but got a little angry when I said it was just as mates bcos I needed to talk to him first before I go out with him properly. He met me and we ended up together. I soon realised he was a great guy. We went out several times. After a while he made sarcastic comments about me being with other guys behind his back. I started to doubt whether I really wanted to be with a guy like this. But soon realised I did really like him. But then he didn't seem to like it when I appeared to like him more than he liked me. He text me while I was in work asking why I thought I loved him even though I hadn't actually said this, and dumped me by txt as we live nearly an hour away from each other (he always made an effort to come and see ME and when I went to his he would come and pick me up instead of getting bus). He dumped me four weeks ago. We texted each other every day for the next three weeks because he agreed to stay in touch and told me he still liked me. Then one day I did not reply to a text he sent me. I left it three days. Then I textd him back. He replied but I did not. Then he texted me the next day to ask if I was ignoring him! If he didn't really care, why would he even bother asking me that? I replied with a joke because I didn't want him to think I still liked him. He hurt me cos I really liked him and would like him back. We texted each other every day after that until again I didn't text back. Then he texted me Christmas Day saying "Happy Chrimbo gorgeous! Hope you and your family have a gooden!" I didn't text him that day so it wasn't as if he was replying to a msg I'd sent first. Why did he do this? I haven't texted back because I don't know if he is messing me around or if he does still like me?Is it possible that if he had not thought I loved him we would still be together? Did I scare him off because he thought I loved him? How can I explain that I don't love him without hurting him but really like him because I know he really liked me so it wasn't a one-way thing. How can I explain I wanted to take things slow (something he told my friend HE wanted to do)? Help! We both liked each other but he got scared off because he thought I loved him! I wanna know how I can get him back!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007): Well join the club I dated someone 3months and out of no where after spending as great nite to the point he told me he loved me and wanted babies and to move in...two days later i received a text saying I cant have a relationship I am damned by the devil. I am ok but its the not knowing that is killing me
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2006): Have you heard from him again?Are you together now?If not just play it cool, maybe he wants to take things slow. You will have to be patient
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2005): sounds petty to me. my advice of what to do is simple me: ask him..you are reading too much into this!
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (30 December 2005):
 This guy is addicted to "the chase". It gives him a thrill to date women and make them fall for him, but once you're there... he's ready to move on.
Have you noticed how he keeps you on a string, guilting you, prodding you, being a nice guy when he needs your attention and being himself the rest of the time? He even ignores you until you ignore him! Then he's right back there, texting and herding you back, so you can admire him again. And "he wants to take things slow"? That's code for "wants to do whatever he wants and blame problems on you". Classic behaviour.
Yuck! What a waste of energy. What a colossal ego he must have.
In answer to your question, there's no way to "get him back", because he doesn't want to be "got". He wants to chase you, then keep you at arms length until you fall for him, then ignore you, then make you chase him, then drop you, then chase you, then ignore you... ad nauseum.
This sort of person is a narcissist of the worst sort. Don't waste your time. Wouldn't it be much nicer to be with someone who *wants* to be with you, who *tries* to be with you and doesn't jerk you around all the time? Go find someone else; otherwise you'll be stuck in this cycle with Mr Ego-trip forever.
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A
female
reader, Angel Underneath +, writes (30 December 2005):
The whole point of dating is getting to know someone and you obviously don't know each other that well yet. His actions do flag up some warning bells about jealousy and immaturity (using your friend as a go in between) but you have to make the decision on your own as to whether you want to give things another try. I think if things have any chance of working then you need to talk rather than hide behind text messages. If he dumped you then he could either be having regrets or just be using you as a safety net to fall back on with a little harmless flirting now and then. I would just ask straight out. If he can't handle a conversation about it then it doesn't seem that things could stand much of a chance anyway
good luck
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