A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:A couple of days ago I asked for help with my teenage sons and mentioned that I removed the older from my home due to violence. i had a few good helpful responses.This evening I asked my 15 year to wash his hair. I gave him money for barbers many days ago and he still has not been. It resulted in a big row as I had to speak to him about the condition of his skin as he does not look after it and he looked absolutely awful.. He obviously did not realise that I was trying to help him.it resulted in me getting nail marks in my wrist and a few times he really frightened me with intimating body language.I am on the verges of placing him into voluntary care as I feel he is going to assult me just like his brother did.I have just shown him how to save his homework on memory stick and he took offence to that. Where have I gone wrong.Its like he is so angry with everything. I brought a contract phone. He's lost 3 of them. He wants to buy another phone. I refuse to let him spend £90 of his money on something he is going to lose again when he needs a TV. I have a £20 phone that I have had for years!Can any one help!
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female
reader, lovejunkie  +, writes (7 December 2009):
 Does he have any male role models? You don't mention anything about a father figure, this may be part of the problem. His subsequent anger could be due to some kind of history with you and the dad. Maybe you could seek family counseling, either spiritual or see a pyschologist.
A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (6 December 2009):
 I too understand, and I think the trick is absolutely not to take it personally - it is not your sons' fault - they are affected by hormones and basically don't behave and respond normally and reasonably. It's almost as if they are ill.
If you start from that point, considering them virtually handicapped in some way, they don't seem so bad - it isn't really them, you see.
As for dealing with it ... well, the main thing first is to stop it getting to you. See above. The next thing is to have some solid strategies - and I think honestly that here is where some professional help wouldn't go amiss. I agree that asking your doctor or health visitor is probably the best thing.
You aren't alone: these are typical clashes: your boys aren't any worse than many many others before them. You just need help to deal with what is, I agree, unbelievably upsetting, stressful and worrying. And I know that all the time you're thinking 'what have I done wrong', or 'what haven't I done right' - and 'how could I have done differently?' - but don't: just get some help.
It will be ok. They'll grow up!! : )
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 December 2009):
I remember this. I think if it's getting this bad, you need to speak to your doctor and see if you can get yourself and your boys counselling. There are a lot of emotions all flying around here, and none are making any sense because no one is just sitting down and talking. You certainly shouldn't be taking this much from your sons. No more phone, no more money, no nothing. Go to the doctor, and see if you can get family counselling. My heart goes out to you, because I know how difficult this sort of thing can be (my brother was a hellraiser for a few years). You and your sons need to be talking and listening to each other.
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