A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am having trouble gaining closure with my relationship as I still can't get to grips with the fact that my boyfriend severed contact with me with no explanation after nearly 2 1/2 years together. I don't want people to say 'what a jerk' and generally diss him (as some may say he deserves), but I do want some sensible, heartfelt advice from you guys as to your thoughts as to why he would do it and how I can move on.As I say, we had been together for nearly 2 1/2 years. It was a long distance relationship but he was keen for us to move in together after 8 months together. I didn't feel ready to move in together at this point, but when he next mentioned it at the end of October of this year I felt ready and was delighted.Like any relationship, we had our ups and downs but on the whole it was good. We wanted the same things in life and had the same views. He was totally besotted with me for some time but then it felt like things went off the boil (I guess others would call it settled). At times, it felt like he didn't really love or care for me but I put it down to the stress of him working extremely long hours, sometimes 18 hours a day. It got to the point where I was hardly seeing him because he was working so hard to get a deposit together for somewhere to live.Up until the end of September, I felt like everything was going well and then he seemed very distant, not affectionate at all. He kept pulling out of engagements with me during October, including my birthday do saying he was stuck in work traffic. By this time, rightly or wrongly, I became quite suspicious of him. I figured this was the end of our relationship, but then he contacted me on my birthday as if I were still his girlfriend. However, no card or present was forthcoming which I found really weird as normally he was so generous (and to this day he still hasn't given me a card or present!).I then gathered he was having major problems at home with his Mum again (she had phoned us up in a very distressed state one evening in early November demanding to know why my boyfriend was). My mum calmed her down and then explained that I hadn't seen him since late September which she didn't seem to be aware of. He then contacted me as I requested and we had a heart-to-heart. He was a bit cross at the time. He then contacted me asking when would be a good time to talk which I thought was a really positive step. However, he didn't call when I suggested. After 3 days, I messaged him asking if everything was o.k as I hadn't heard anything. Still no call. In fact, I have heard nothing since. I think the worst thing is this feeling feeling of limbo and that I have had the rug pulled out from under my feet, and without even an explanation as to why. He had treated me so well to start with (my family and friends all loved him too) and even recently was saying how much better things would be when we moved in together and then nothing! He proudly introduced me to his whole family and all his friends and I became a member of his family. I miss them all greatly. I feel like not only have I lost who I thought was the love of my life, but his entire family as well including his gorgeous 2 year old nephew who was born a month after my boyfriend and I met. I don't know what to think anymore.
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long distance, move on, moved in Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, lovejunkie  +, writes (7 December 2009):
 He either has serious fear-of-commmittment issues or he was having an affair, hence all the so called late nights "working" and acting distant. I think it was probably the latter. You will have to find your own closure and move on. Don't contact him and don't allow him to string you along. Change your number, and don't stay in touch. You will find someone better. Trust me.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 December 2009):
I have this feeling in the back of my mind that he found someone else. I don't know that for sure, but he obviously disappeared and even his mother didn't know where he was. That means either he was with another woman, or he was on a quest to find himself. But judging by his reaction to you, I'd say someone else was involved.
You now know more about his character than you ever would have. Sorry it had to be this way, because I know it's left you hurt and without closure.
The closure comes to this. He decided that he was not the guy for you, so stopped contact for whatever reason.
You now need to focus on your life again, build up your confidence and mend your heat, and when you're ready, you'll meet a great guy who will commit to you. :). All the best.
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