A
female
age
30-35,
*ebeccaa
writes:Hello, would you say looks is more important than personality? I have had this boy who has been asking me out for the last week or so, i didnt no what to say because to me he is not very good looking at all, and looks realy matters to me! But his personalty is better than everyone elses, he seems like he would never do anything that my ex boyfriends would, hes more mature, but he keeps asking me to go to the pictures with him, and to be honest i would be embarrassed if i saw anyone i knew while i was with him. I did end up saying because of his personality but im not sure if it would be the right thing to do.What should i do?
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female
reader, Rebeccaa +, writes (1 July 2011):
Rebeccaa is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thankyou everyone
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 June 2011):
 I do not quite agree with the other Aunts. While it's wrong and foolish to start a relationship only based on physical attraction and nothing else, eventually you can't go on just based on personality ,in lack of any chemistry. True, some times people grows on you, you see them differently after a while, but it does not always happen , and anyway it may take a long time, I don't think it's fair to ask a guy who wants to date you to just hang in there and wait months ( maybe years ) to see if the chemistry changes.
The fact that you'd even be ashamed of being seen with him, ... says that you care too much about other people's opinions, which is wrong, but also says that , poor guy, you
don't just find him so-so, you find him downright hideous !, and I have some doubts that anything more than a platonic friendship can develop from these premises .
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (30 June 2011):
As the other aunts have written, it comes down to attraction. You aren't attracted to him physically, but you are attracted to his personality. If your attraction grows as you start to hang out with him, the way you look at him might begin to change, to the point where you might start to develope a genuine physical attraction to him and want to date him. Other times, you might find you like him but remain physically unattracted even though you like him as a guy. The point is, it takes time to decide, for these things to grow one way or the other. If he is a good guy, it might be worth taking the time to get to know him. You can be honest with him and tell him you want to take the time to get to know him better before deciding whether there is any spark there, you don't have to rush into things.
As far as being embarrassed by people seeing you with him, there is no harm in telling people you like him, that he is a nice guy that you are taking the time to get to know. You might just be making a new friend, and looks and attraction have nothing to do with that. Getting to know someone that you like is a good thing, and anyone can relate to that. People who only befriend other people based on how they look should be embarrassed :)
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A
female
reader, la petite belle  +, writes (30 June 2011):
 I agree with honesty. We all go through that phase! trust me! i was there once, but do realize that looks fade with age and even when we are young, a guy/girl that is extremely good looking/beautiful but has NO INTERESTING content to say...it becomes boring and even embarrasing. This actually happened to me one time, I went out with this guy that i had met at my gym, he was incredibly fit and really good looking, we went out bowling but during that he behaved like a jerk to the clerk helping me to find my shoes, he almost got in a fight with another guy next to us, and during dinner, he would say the dumbest things... that I was embarassed of the date in general... I know you are young and i think that you will see this with time, do give him a chance, a killer personality is the key to spark ;)
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A
female
reader, Rebeccaa +, writes (30 June 2011):
Rebeccaa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou :)
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A
female
reader, Mickkiee +, writes (30 June 2011):
 first things first. Before you actually know someone the first thing that has to be there is attraction. I once went with a boy who was the sweetest person i have met but the attractioin was lacking and it meant that kissing was not enjoyable as i felt it more of a task than a treat. But you have to try and get the best of both. My current boyfriend is now the sweetest person i know and so romantic and incrediable good looking (and doesnt actually know it) the fact that he is so modest about it makes me more attracted to him. I knwo what you mean though about the personality over looks as some people know there hot and turn out to be players whereas those who may not be as attractive wont play you or hurt you but treat you well. but honestly if there is any attraction physically try it out for one date cause you never know you could be missing out. And of course if its only one date you can say i think were more suited as friends. Hope this helps :)
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 June 2011):
 Sweetie you really shouldn't judge people by the way that they look. As you said he has a great personality. True you need to be attracted to somebody if you are going to be in a relationship with them. But there really is no harm in meeting up with him a few times as friends and see how you feel afterwards. At the end of the day you shouldn't care what other people have to say. Be straight with him and tell him it is only as friends. You could surprise yourself as the more you meet up with him and get to know him the more his personality may shine through and you may start feeling yourself becoming attracted to him. Just give him a shot you have nothing to lose.
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