A
female
age
36-40,
*rady67
writes:This might take a little bit but I'm going crazy over here and I need to know what to do.I've been dating this guy for months now, we met offline, he lives 5 hours away from me. We see each other a lot, so it's really neat, I like the distance. I'll start with his past. He dated this one girl for about 4 years, and he loved her, and she basically just broke up with him, and hurt him really bad. He has trust issues now because of her, etc. Anyways, I spent the week at his house one time, and right before I left, I felt things getting awkward between us.. I asked him about it, and he eventually told me that he didn't feel the same way about me anymore. He lost his feelings and he didn't know why. We worked it out, took a little break, and eventually he came back to me. This happened about twice.. it was off and on for a month there for a while. While we were on a "break" I hung out with my ex. I lied to him over and over about it, it was just a one time hang out though, but I lied. Right when I told him about how I lied, he ended it. Saying I was dead to him, and that there was NO chance ever to get him back, I let him down, etc. He was furious.. The next day we talked, and he said that he still wasn't going to take me back, and that maybe in the FUTURE he would.. but not now. The day after that he said that he still didn't want to take me back or yet or whatever, and I told him that I was sorry and wanted to make it right and fix it.. and he said "We'll see.." then said good night. Now yesterday we talked.. and I told him the same thing, and he said that it wasn't just the TRUST thing right now, he said he was starting to really get his feelings back and it just stopped it again by me doing that to him.. and that right now he can't be with me. I told him to think about it and to NOT give up on us.. and he said he wouldn't give up on us. I know that right this second maybe not this week that I'll get him back, I know that.. I want to know HOW I can prove to him, show him, and mean to him that I care and that he can trust me.. I want to earn his trust back. It's hard because we're far away right now. When we talked once he also said that maybe if I drove up to see him sometime or make an effort to see him then w/e. He's always the one to come and surprise me.. Do you think that he thinks I don't care? Do you think that if I surprised him it'd make a difference.. I seriously care about this man a lot.. and I want to make it work. We got through his feelings once before, I know we can do it again, he's very stubborn and heard headed, but I lied to him. At least I know that it isn't just the lie anymore at least.. and he's not nearly as mad as he was before..He went from saying that I was dead to him, to never having a chance to a "we'll see.." to him not giving up on us when I asked him not to at least.. so I mean.. seems there is a chance there.. I'm just idk..I just want to know if there's anything to do to win him back .. or show him that I care.I don't know what to do!
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female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (19 May 2009):
 Perhaps he does feel he makes all of the effort by coming up to see you alot and you never really go to see him and surprise him.I think if you did surprise him it would be a really nice treat for him and he'll know you're wanting to make this work as much as him by going out of your way to go and see him and put a smile on his face.That way he'll know you want to make it work and that you ARE making as much an effort as he is with you.Hope this helps hun :)Message me if you need anything else.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): Hmmm LDR always have their problems mainly trust issues. But if you really want to get him back having lied to him even though you were separated by the "break" it hurts to know you'd lie and or go off with another guy. I've never had this kind of situation before but i will give you a few things you could do.1. The whole surprise thing can work and is effective if used correctly. i don't mean go over and see him and that's the whole surprise but maybe plan out some events you guys could do together to gain back those feelings. Maybe walking through the park, movies and dinner, go out to a club. Something you both will enjoy together and have a great time with. It will show you are making an effort and want things to be the way they used to be.2. To gain back trust is very difficult once it has been lost or damaged. What you should do is just go back to your normal ways before the lie happened. I don't mean forget it didn't happen but try and explain to him that we all are humans and make mistakes and are allowed one big one in a life. Everyone deserves a second chance well relationship wise i mean. If he really does care a feel for you he will try and understand you. I'm not guaranteeing you'll have the same trust as before because you won't but if you both work together it will make your relationship stronger.3. Keep saying you are sorry. You can never say sorry enough. But always remember actions speak louder than words so just because you say your sorry doesn't get you off the hook. You're going to have to back up your apologies and through actions really show you are sorry for lying. I'm a guy and if I put myself in his shoes and you did all this and i sensed you were really sorry and wouldn't lie again I'd give you another chance. Relationships are all about trust, loyalty, the big one LOVE for one another. I hope I've been of some help.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): It is up to you to earn his trust! That is the only way to regain it! Tell him that you intend to do that (regain his trust) And whatever it takes you are willing to do to prove your love to him!
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A
male
reader, jj. +, writes (19 May 2009):
Best thing to do is move on this man needs time to heal from his past relationship and is seems like you need to stop being so needy and codependent ..you seem like a good women..but you are split. First you hang out with your ex then you hang out with this guy who just got separated.It's time to take care of you..allow these guys to heal as well..the best thing you can do for either is take care of yourself now..get some counselling before you burn and crash and end up tramatizing yourself and not be able to love anyone ever again..you need to see your a good women but you cant change people, place or thing..you can only work to change yourself..give it a go and work on you..you deserve the best ..now let go of the rest..reach out and read ..codendency no more ..by ms black..signed jj.
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