A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so this will probably answer itself, but I need advice. I love my husband with all my heart-never loved another man like him in my life. But I've been wondering what being with a woman would be like. I'm not the most "in shape" woman in the world, but I am attractive. I want to bring it up to my hubby, but I'm afraid that he won't agree. I drop hints to him about certain celebs that I think are frigging hot and that "if I were lesbian, I'd do 'em in a heartbeat" (no offense meant, my sister is a lesbian, so please don't take any from that comment). And stating that I'd like to go to a strip club to get dances etc from the ladies there. How do I get him to offer up the suggestion without me coming outright and saying, "hey let's experiment with having a threesome?" I've sent him messages on his myspace because I'm kinda shy about things like this. I asked him to not hold back and really say what he wanted, and then a couple of weeks later I asked him if he'd thought about anything and he said a couple but when I asked him he hesitated. Then I asked him if he'd like to wait for a later date to tell me and he said yes.
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male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (19 July 2009):
I'd suggest strongly that your relationship has to be in VERY GOOD shape and the two of you need to talk through the "what ifs" very throughly before doing this. Done right it's a blast, done wrong (much higher change) it will distroy your marriage. Proceed after lots of reading, talking and planning. There are some great books on how to do this, buy them - read them in bed... talk. Doing these on vacation can be a good way to do it- don't exhange phone #'s, no email... make it an annual play thing and then relive the event till the next year.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): plse think this through properly. you may regret introducing a 3rd party into your marriage. if you are not "in shape" then be careful, you hubby may just end up going home with your lesbain fantasy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): If you are that much in love with your husband, why are you even thinking of doing a 3 some with another woman? I dont think you love your husband as much as you say you do or you would not be requesting this. What if your husband ends up loving this and you dont?? Personally I dont understand why you can't keep your own sex life private, like it was meant to be . This turns me off , bigtime!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): Well - apart from anything else if you're reduced to speaking to the man you're married to via a social networking site then you have far bigger things to worry about than whether you should suggest a threesome or not!Threesomes, swinging, group sex etc do work for some people - but the key thing is that the relationship has to be so unshakably strong that you trust each other totally and have a complete understanding of each other -a kind of unspoken communication. If you don't have that basis of trust and understanding, any sexual experiment involving third parties is highly likely to result in anger and suspicion and have effects reaching out far beyonf your sex life.Until you've worked on establishing a relationship where you know each other well enought o actually talk openly about sex, don't even think about a threesome. This is the man you share your life with for g's sake - and you can't even talk to him! Sort out the problems between the two of you before you start adding number three!
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A
female
reader, didda123  +, writes (19 May 2009):
 I agree with Old Guy it is a very dangerous game and best left to the imagination!
Have you taken into consideration how you will feel if he actually enjoys the experience so much that he wishes to continue with other women involved, you can hardly refuse when it was your idea in the first place, maybe a bit jealousy will creep in and may cause unforeseen problems.
I can't imagine sharing someone i really loved with another women imagining he prefers her and he would have to have an attraction to her in the first place to consider a threesome, you have already said you are not totally in shape so what if she is and he decides he prefers that!
I just think it can lead to alsorts of marital problems afterwards you are not just going to continue on it your old life things will have changed, you may regret it and that will cause problems and there will be no going back.
I would suggest you try to spice up your sex life in other ways befoe you go down that road.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOldguy, you have some very insightful advice, and thank you. But my husband would have no reason to worry about me liking the female more, it's a thing where I'm attracted to men, but there are some females that I'd just like to try on for size pardon my cliche. He's really got nothing to worry about there. Britt and Emily-thanks as well for your answers! I'm taking all of these into consideration!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): LOL -- I got a laugh from Britt429's answer. Ya, a lot of guys say this is their fantasy. But ...
Sharing your partner with someone else is a huge emotional thing -- for lots of us, it's so wholly inconsistent with our marriage vows as to be just not on. And it's risky. If you decide you like the girl better (or girls better), that would be an enormous stress on your marriage.
His reluctance to take the hint might just be some well-founded caution on his part. Having heard about 3-somes that went bad, I'd strongly suggest that you two have a very full and open conversation before you set anything up.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (19 May 2009):
Sounds like he's as shy as you about this stuff.
So why not wait till you are having sex or just after and talk about how you want to make him really turned on, and say something along the lines of "imagine me with another woman and we'd be doing X Y and Z and then you'd come in and do X to her and Y to me." (fill in the details yourself obviously haha.)
Then if it works to turn him on during sex then you can suggest it by saying "you know what I was talking about the other night.... well do you think we could ever try it in real life?"
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): I can't believe he hasn't brought it up! Most men would jump at the chance to see their woman with another woman! If he isn't getting your hints, you will have to just come out and tell him what you want!
Sometimes men just don't get our suttle hints...they are incapable of reading between the lines...
Just tell him! Say it!
good luck! Have fun!
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