A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok, here is my story....me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 7 years now. we have grown up together since we were 15yrs old. we are eachothers 1st bf/gf...1st EVERYTHING! i am SO in love with this boy and i thought he would say the same about me. there has never been a dull moment in our relationship....untill now.i recently had to move 3,000 miles away from him in order to finish my degree. (and he knows the reason im doing this is for US, so that we can afford a house when im done). it has only been 2 months that we have been apart and things have been absolutely HORRIBLE. he never calls me, never texts. never asks what im doing, how my day is....NOTHING. it was always me that was contacting him. and sometimes he wouldnt even respond. i was starting to get the feeling that he was over me. so i told him we needed to talk. he wound up telling me that it kills him to talk to me because he wants to BE WITH me SO badly. he said he has the most perfect girl in the world and he cant even be with her and he hates this so much and this is the hardest thing he has ever been through in his life. this made me feel so bad and it kinda made me understand why he wasnt talking to me. but i still didnt think it was an excuse to ignore me. things kinda got better, he said sorry a million times and he started texting/calling me more. but then it got bad all over again. this time it was much worse.he called me 2 days ago and basically told me that he cant do this anymore. he said that our entire relationship has always been hard for us to be together (before i moved to a new state, we went from living in the same town to living an hour apart for about 2 yrs) and it seems like someone is trying to tell us something....that we just werent meant to be together. when i heard those words, i was speachless. my heart shattered in a million peices.he hasnt tried to call me or text me since then. i just simply dont understand how he can just be done and over me this fast? another thing that worries me is that he has mentioned that he needs SOMEONE to be with. he needs someone to hug him when he has a bad day or to support him at his dirtbike races, ect. he doesnt say he needs ME....just someone. i get the feeling that he wants to date other girls. but i feel like he wants to do it only to replace me ASAP because he is extremely lonely. the weird thing is, is that he told me he wants me to go out with guys too so that i can be happy. what boyfriend would ever wish for their girlfriend to go out with another guy??? i dont want anyone else but HIM!its so weird though, because he still tells me that im the only girl for him and that we are still going to get married someday when im done with school (which will hopefully be 2 yrs). but if thats the case, then why does he want to replace me??? and then he contradicts himself and tells me that he thinks im never comming back. i just dont know what is going on in his head. in fact, HE is the one that looked me in the eyes and told me that i should move here to be happy and finish my degree and that he would wait for me till i came back. (i had no where to live in that state anymore so i had to move with my mom here). why would he tell me that if it was all a lie???i just need some conforting advice. i have never been this depressed in my entire life. i just wish he could wait for me and try harder to make this work. cuz i have been the only one giving any effort. i guess my main questions would be....1. is he completely over me and ready to move on with his life?2. do you think he will really wait for me or date other girls to take my place?3. why does he act like he could care less about me?any advice would be greatly appriciated. i just feel like dying right now. i feel like maybe i made the wrong choice by moving here and that i may lose him because of it. but the whole reason i did this was to better MY life. and i thought the love of my life would wait for me and support me. please help =(
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female
reader, Accountable  +, writes (20 October 2009):
 Aw, this is a horrible situation :( don't start to doubt your decision to move, it was the right one - you are giving yourself amazing opportunities by finishing your degree :)
As for your boyfriend being over you, I seriously doubt that he actually is. It seems like he's distanced himself as a defense mechanism; I know this might sound crazy - I'm in a longdistance thing and the idea of not talking to my man daily would kill me! So I can see why you would feel that he was ignoring you, but really it was just his way of coping - speaking to you online probably just reminded him of how much he wished he had you in person. Now it seems he's feeling that its all just too difficult and all he can do is remove himself from the situation to make himself feel better - all you can do to change his mind here is show him different ways of coping with your distance; ways of communicating, like webcam, phone, visits, etc. You have to show him that it will be less painful to be with him in this limited way than it would be to lose your relationship altogether; honestly, after a little while without you i imagine he'll come to this conclusion on his own.
Really the only way you can get firm answers to any of your questions is to ask him directly, and hope he opens up - youve been together for 7 years so i guess you know how to get him to talk :) let him know that you understand its a lot to ask of him but you really think your relationship is worth fighting for, and hopefully the two of you will figure out a way to get through it - good luck :) xx
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (20 October 2009):
He was not mature enough or ready to deal with this kind of a relationship, and, if he did this, the truth is he didn't love you as much as you would have liked. And I also think that he's up to something at home to be honest. He did seem to suddenly change. That said, you are right. this is your life. You have to do what is right for you. There's no point in regretting your decision to move, because if you hadn't, where would you have been? With a guy who just coundn't be counted on to go the extra mile when needed. I konw it hurts. We've all been dumped at some point. But I can tell you that you will get over it. You now need to give yourself a lot of time to heal, and really focus on yourself and your life. This is your chance to really give yourself the best future you can possibly have. And you know somthing? When you do, and when you're ready to meet another guy, you will meet one who will be with you all the way. Give yourself time, focus on your life. Good luck.
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