A
female
age
30-35,
*oeismeanyou
writes:Currently I'm living with my grandmother. I help her pay bills,but she treats me like a child. Living there is like living in a prison. I can't do this, I can't do that, I can't have friends over(don't have many to begin with) and when I finally say something about her strict rules, she starts an argument and threatens to kick me out. I'm sick and tired of living there and constantly being threatened to get kicked out. I hate coming back everyday. I have a job at pays 300 a week, but isn't enough to sustain an apartment by myself, and this job I have is up in May (Nanny). Most apartments where I live, rent is usually 600-800, and sometimes includes some utilities. I don't have much money to buy furniture ETC. There is student housing online students are eligible to live in, but its just a room with a bathroom and a kitchen you have to share with a hallway, but it does have a lot of pluses like its furnished and all utilities are included(besides Cable) and they have a gym with an inside pool. But, I could barely afford that because its 725 (I make roughly 1200-1500 and I don't want to live paycheck to paycheck. I'm supposed to get my car soon and I know the car will add onto bills. I want to get a part time job once I get my car so I could better sustain myself, but I know that will be highly difficult to juggle with a full time job, and school. So should I wait to get another full time job that MAY pay better, or should I take the risk?
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (17 January 2015):
 You are helping your grandmother to pay the bills. That is admirable and very responsible of you.
Because your current financial resources must be very very tight.
A car is indeed going to stretch your resouces even more.
So moving out seems extra risky and potentially stressful for you.
Your grandmother no doubt thinks she is doing the right thing and maybe she's still coming to terms with the fact that you're all grown up.
To her you are still her grand-daughter. Who she thinks needs her guidance and her protection.
Generational issues are difficult, where one person has their set of values and the other person (younger) has their own different set of values and attitudes.
Often they are different values and attitudes on several levels.
Dealing with it and sometimes rolling with the lesser punches (figuratively) can put a strain on relationships.
It may not seem relevant yet, though it's good training for real life at work in the future.
In the future you will no doubt be working in a workplace with people from 18 to 60 plus and you have to remain professional at all times. Sometimes you may not even like a person you work with, in the future and once again you have to remain professional come what may.
Ask, in a calm period, if you can have a quiet chat with your grandmother about how it makes you feel when she threatens to kick you out. Let her know how hurtful it is and mention how worried it makes you feel.
Tell grandmother what you want instead.
Grandmother may have some requests too. Listen respectfully. Don't interupt. Try not to lose it. She knows you really well.
She may think she is demonstrating that she cares. Or she may not think she is ''getting through'' to you, so in her own way she may be trying to express her own frustration.
My mother in law used to take my arm when we needed to cross a road when we took walks together. The first time she did it I thought she was seeking my support. No no no. Because then she reminded me to wait and look both ways. I then saw it as sweet. She actually thought she needed to keep me safe from the traffic. Me, an adult. Yes it was clear that she was being protective and looking out for me.
So I tolerated it. She meant well.
Later on it was me looking out for her, but not saying that to her, as she became more frail, as she aged.
When you do leave she no doubt will be devastated. And will really miss you.
After you and your grandmother have had that talk, and if things have not improved then you could start making some plans.
But moving out is always far more expensive than anyone expects.
Sharing would be less expensive but even that has problems if one of the others in the house can't pay their share one week or has different hygeine standards to you or is economic with the truth.
Your education is important. Having enough money is essential in order to live with minimal stress.
At this point try to tolerate some months longer, in order to save up a nest egg.
When you do finally leave to live away from your grandmother it will go more smoothly if you have been able to budget regularly enough to have accumulated that nest egg.
A delay will also give you time to keep a lookout for one or two reliable people to share living arrangements.
Even then it will still be an exercise in learning to tolerate situations you find annoying or raising the problem and working through the issues to arrive at reasonable workable solutions that are mutually agreeable to all.
Hopefully the practise you have (negotiating) with your grandmother will stand you in good stead when you do start to share living arrangements with friends.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2015):
If you have been driven to the point to post this here, I would say the time is now to make a change. It sounds like you are pretty responsible for sure and would have no problem keeping yourself financially afloat on your own. I think a solid option could be looking into a shared apartment, This often saves you loads of cash and can introduce you to some pretty cool people. Check out those options on craigslist, I did it like this when I first arrived in Shanghai and it really helped me get a leg up on things. In regards to the car, well that option will always be there right? So maybe sacrifice that investment for now to help you get into a lifestyle situation that you best enjoy. Cheers!
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow  +, writes (17 January 2015):
 Depends what you can handle - but you'd have to stop complaining because it's a lot better than prison and she doesn't HAVE to let you live with her (rent free?)....
Be grateful for what you have; not everyone has someone who will take them in, even if the rules are quite strict.
Living "paycheck to paycheck" isn't that bad; you'll have your own rules and, quite frankly, you'd learn how good or bad living where you are now really is.
Like I said, if you can handle it longer, that's okay, if not, that's okay too - but don't complain and lower your standards of your grandma and potential living spaces a little bit; you need to be realistic.
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A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (17 January 2015):
i think you should stay. get yourself more stable, then leave if you want.
I know it gets difficult right now. But just stay calm and do you thing
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