A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are really serious. And sometimes when we hangout we hangout with a group of his or my friends. One day, my friend asked me if it would be ok if she called him to ask him about a problem she was having with her long term boyfriend. I agreed, and he helped her. However, recently I found out that my friend enjoyed taking to my boyfriend, and kept his number in case she needs to ask for more advice. Surprise, I asked if she called him twice, and she responded no. Why am I so bothered that she has his number? Why am I questioning our friendship? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (17 January 2015):
 I think it was totally inappropriate for your friend to seek out your boyfriend for relationship advice, particularly if she doesn't know him well enough on his own to have his number.
I wouldn't call what she did 'stabbing you in the back' but I do think she's dancing the line. Feel free to tell your friend, in a matter of fact way if the topic comes up again that you'd prefer it if she seeks out her other friends for advice. If she's rude and boorish enough to ask why, just say it makes you uncomfortable. Do not make accusations or insinuations. Brief, but not curt, and matter of fact.
In future don't give out your boyfriend's number to any other women, regardless of how well or how long you've known them.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2015): You are bothered because she kept his number and intends to get in touch with him for personal reasons, of an intimate nature, that has nothing to do with you. If she had kept his number as an alternative way to get in touch with you should she not be able to reach you, then it probably wouldn't bother you as much. But that is not what is going on. She wants to be in touch with him for her own personal interest. Regardless of whether it is "harmless" or "innocent," she is just seeking his "advice," after all. That's not the point. The point is that she wants to be in touch with him, to discuss personal issues that could in turn nurture a deeper relationship between them, independently of and irrelevant of you. Her association with him should be in relation to you, not independent of you. That is why you see this as a problem. And I can't say I blame you.
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