A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My question is about sharing expenses as a couple. I've been with my girlfriend for over 3 years, and we enjoy each other's company. We've been living together for 5 months, which has resulted in my expenses more than doubling. We both work and we both have considerable debt to pay each month. She makes about the same as I do. The problem is that she will not help out with the household finances. She seldom pays for even groceries.First I have to admit that she can act quite entitled at times, and has a deep-seated belief that a man should pay for everything. That was fine while dating, but now living together her day-to-day bills are too much for me on my salary.I've told her my situation, but she sees me as being unfair to expect her to pay for anything. She says she has bills and if forced to share some of the expenses wil simply move out. I'm not sure how to transition from us from "dating mode" to "acting more as a couple" without causing an uproar. Basically I'm going broke and need answers. I'd appreciate your input!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 June 2017):
 Honestly it sounds like you are better off without her, she loved money more than you!
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (9 June 2017):
 So she couldn't see or adapt to what was fair and reasonable and decided to end things instead. Well doesn't that just show you her true colours with any man she meets?
Consider yourself fortunate to be rid of her and please remember not to get all twisted over this experience as not all women are like her.
Take Care - CAA
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2017): I want to thank everyone for their input. I talked to her about our finances a few days ago and she rufused to budge on her position. She decided instead to end things, and has packed her things and left. I haven't heard from her since.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2017): If you're paying the bills then you should choose what YOUR money gets spent on. If she wants a strong, dominant, provider, leader type of man then give her that and assert that by telling her what you're going to pay for and what you're not going to pay for. If she doesn't like the cut backs she can always foot the bill for the rest of the things she wants. Also let her know you want to "take care" of her but there's a difference between the duties of a boyfriend/husband and father, you are not her father. Don't let her manipulate you.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A +, writes (3 June 2017):
She sure worked her magic thighs around you didn't she? This is pure manipulation and emotional blackmail at work!
There is no “acting more as a couple” with someone so self entitled they’d rather see you go broke than pay and be responsible for half their household finances.
You are categorically being USED while she saves money on groceries, rent, utilities etc. All of which she’ll need to pay plus her debts if she threatens (emotional blackmail) to move out.
Strange how she’s so financial all of a sudden, quick and willing to move out whenever you’re unfair, cause an uproar and don’t bow to her demands!? You'll forever be walking on egg shells.
The transition you realistically need to make is “single mode” as suggested.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2017): That's rediculous! My fiancé earns triple what I earn but I pay my way! Yes he may pay more for some things but I'd never let him pay for everything, you should have discussed this before moving in together
Let her move out
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2017): Total freeloader, you're a couple and not her replacement Father to foot the bill for everything.
I'd tell her she either splits the rent and bills 50/50 or she moves out. Simple as that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2017): When i was a student, i had a student girlfriend. We bot worked at the same place, but she worked more hours than me as i had to travel more to get to work.
When i take her on a date, she always brought one or two friends and i have to pay for the restaurants, the club, then drive them back home which was far from where i lived.
After 6 months of dating, she went home and i never took her calls again or responded to her emails or text.
She kept pleading to at least tell her what she did wrong and i sent her in an email that i think she was a very selfish person and i do not wish to be with her anymore. I think you should do the same, kick her out.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 June 2017):
 At least you found out now. She will not change her mind because it WORKS for her. She doesn't think you would ask her to move out.
She gets to pay off HER debts on YOUR time and basically on your dime.
I think you REALLY need to rethink this woman as a "partner" and DEFINITELY ask her to move out.
Her notion that YOUR income is for BOTH of you and HER income is JUSt for her it's RIDICULOUS. What an entitled cow...
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (2 June 2017):
 Great! Please show her the door! Tell get very nicely and politely that you can't keep paying for everything and since she's made it clear that she can't and won't contribute then maybe she should just move out. You can think about living together once you're in a better shape with money.
Be prepared for a hissy fit. You already know her true colors and don't be surprised if she accuses you of not loving her anymore or even having an affair!
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (2 June 2017):
 All good answers you've received.
Personally, I'd take auntybimbims approach and tell her to hit the road. Who does she think she is? Sounds like a cheapsKate.
Who on earth thinks they get to live in a house with a partner for free? What a freeloader.
Im assuming she's in the same age bracket as yourself? So surely she knows better at that age.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue +, writes (2 June 2017):
 Oh boy. This little miss needs a reality check. Time for her to grow up and put her big pants on. I mean, sharing is caring isn't it? Yes, it is . It means that she CARES enough about you just as much as she cares about herself. It would be a bit different if there was a huge difference in financial stability and that meant expecting the one on a beer budget to pick up half the tab of a champagne lifestyle but this doesn't seem to be they situation with you two. What on earth is she expecting to happen if she moves out on her own ? Maybe its time to let her go, that attitude smells of frustration and disaster.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (2 June 2017):
 Time to cut this entitled little madam loose. Tell her the free ride is over and if she is not prepared to contribute to shared expenses she needs to carry out her threat of "imply moving out"
Please be aware this could mean the end of the relationship.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (1 June 2017):
 Buy stuff YOU need on a day to day basis and refuse to fund anything SHE needs.
Or just skip this bit of the lesson and let her go.
YOU are not responsible for supporting her, especially as it is having such a detrimental effect on your finances. As she earns the same as you, it is not fair to expect you to finance her.
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