A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had an affair with a man 20 years my senior. We were caught by my husband. yes, I know it was wrong. Long story. Anyway, its been almost three months since we were caught. In the initial weeks after the affair there were lots of texts back and forth between myself and the man I had the affair with. He has a partner. My husband began threatening him, it was awful. The man couldn't take any more. I tried to calm my husband down and reason with him, whilst trying to keep the man I had the affair with informed of my husband's emails and text threats. Now things have gotten worse. The man whom I had the affair with confided in his sister. His sister started texting my husband to reason with him. My husband backed down eventually. However, she is now attacking me. Sending me texts saying ' he had no feelings for you', 'Leave him alone', 'its the biggest mistake he has ever made' etc. She also said ' my husband had an affair and I deserved the selfish bastard!'. She said she cannot see her brother breaking down anymore, he is a broken man etc. Now the affair went on for almost six months. We shared intimate times together with one another, sex etc. We also had a friendship before we became involved. He always said to me that secrecy was paramount because of so many reason, he has grown up children, I'm married, we live in the same neighbourhood etc! We tried to keep in secret. I feel really hurt now that I'm painted to be the villan. He was to blame too. He has promised me that he would never disclose the intimate texts, meetings or anything to do with sex etc to anyone. Now he says we need to seek closure, we need to move on and he wishes me all the best and considers me his friend. I realise now that by having told his sister she may have given him an ultimatum like - don't contact her again or I will tell your partner or even just told him not to contact me. i feel completely cut off, even though I know what we were doing was wrong. Has anyone else faced a similar siutaion or can anyone give advice. I feel in love with this man, I trusted him, we shared some amazing nights together. Now I don't even have his friendship. Thank you for reading this. I would also like to say that I never thought it would end SO badly nor bring such heartache. I don't think I've ever felt so down and alone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): Can I relate..YES!! I too am a person who had an affair only my lover was married..We were friends, good friends, lovers, and then soulmates..We were caught by my spouse, he started "hell" for both of us and his wife..My lover and best friend does not want to communicate at all with me. I am shattered!! I miss him so much not as my lover but my friend..Do you ever wonder how he feels about you? Does he miss and think of you? I do and think he does but is just stuck and can't get out because it is too hard and too much for all to handle..I hope he will contact me and want to get back together but it is only dream..But like he used to say to me Never say never..Do you believe in if it was mean't to be..Not sure if I do..Good Luck and hope your pain is better each day..
A
female
reader, Chickaboo +, writes (17 April 2010):
I can relate to you so much, i've been married for 7 years with 2 wonderful children. I met someone through work last july and we started having an affair, i know it was wrong, but it was great, he made me feel so good, my husband and i separated in october of last year, he moved back home to his mum. I actually thought the guy i was having the affair with really loved me, he was great with the kids, we got on really well and the sex was amazing. One or two people knew about us in work, and then at the end of January 2010 he took me and the kids away for the weekend and got down on one knee and proposed to me, and like a fool, I said yes. We were engaged for a week and he called the whole thing off, saying it wouldn't work because he was getting threats from his ex-girlfriend,( of 12 years)her brother. I was devastated, heartbroken and humiliated, still am really. It ended so nasty after he said i was the one for him, he wanted me to have his baby and he never loved anyone like he loved me. We spoke Friday week ago and he told me he was happy being the single guy, when i asked him if he had met someone else, he said no, not for a long long time, he would never fall in love again. Well, I was out with the kids last sunday and on the way back home, he passed me with his ex-girlfriend in the car, I was gutted. The crazy thing is, i'm still in love with him and no matter how hard i try to forget him, i can't. My husband and i are back together, but i'm so not happy, I have tried to love him but i don't. I don't know what to do anymore, from july 2009 to 6th February 2010, i was so so happy and now i'm not!!!!
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A
female
reader, max2922  +, writes (13 March 2010):
I know how u feel. God I know. I worked as a leasing agent and one day this nice but quiet guy came in he was from italy and his english was so so. He moved in and with all he had to go through moving in and not being an american I helped him. I love helping people and he was just someone else. I didn't think anythingof him at all. One night he asked me to go out with this friend for.a drink and to thank me I didn't want Þo go but I did. We hung out after that for a month just hung out he seemed so different and he excepted me for me. I started Þo like him but didn't say anything. One night I found out he was engaged to a girl in italy and had been with her for 7 years when I asked him he told me it was complcated and what we'ree m feelings for him. I told him I didn't want to see him because he was engaged but I neveer folowed through we bgan a relationsho and It was easy she was in italy we tried millions of times to end ut but we couldn't. I had never loved like this or had a man treat me the way he did. Long story short.. After one year a few monÞhs ago he ended it and in such a mean way I couldn't belive he could do that to me. Out of anger I facebooked her and Þold her. He now had changed his number email . I know I did wrong but I was anger that he felt that I could just go away when he felt guityenough. I felt like trash. I cannot tel u how hard it had been unbearbale at times. I've gone to bookstores to see if I can find books on this. I used to tell him it was worth iÞ being with him and that I deserved to be happy and I'd deal withj it when he got married..I know I'm nuts but oh my god I cry every night and the worsÞ part is I can't get a hold of him thgats what's worse and the fact that I feel like he hares me that much to change all his info. I wrote this abt my feelings ..
WRONG My mind tells my heart
SIN The world would say to me EXCITEMENT Like I haven't felt before
SELFISH My most defining characteristic
HAPPINESS I felt when I was with you
FRUSTRATION Because I can't be with you
GUILT Consumes me every second
INTEREST In all that you are, have been, or will be REMORSE For letting it get to this level
ENVIOUS Of the one who has your heart
KNOWLEDGE That I'll never see you again
LOVE Undeniable ache in my heart
ACCEPTANCE Of fate and what's become of us
HOPELESS This situation GOODBYE What I must say to you
PAIN undeserciable feeling I have every minutte second and will have for longer than I will ever admit
RESPECT something I wanted from you. And now after all that's happened, something you will never have for me.
He blocked me frm facebook so I created a new account just to look him up sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. I knw were he lives but what would I sayif I went there.. Iwonder if he hates me. I evem went to a meeting for woman who have been through thus. I never thought ever it would be this hard
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A
male
reader, FloridaFisher +, writes (9 March 2010):
 Firstly, you should apologize to your husband. The circumstances that led you to your affair do not matter and there's no justification. You should always honor your marriage and when you feel you can no longer do so it is then your responsibility to end your marriage and explain to your husband why just as it would be his if the shoe was on the opposite foot. He deserves the closure and attention, not that other guy.
Secondly, you should cut all contact with the man you had an affair with because it will never out. You both got together while with other people. How will you ever trust each other to even have anything sincere? Also, for one reason or another(doesn't matter why) he has decided to end it with you. It's time to realize your mistake and let go of it. All of it. All contact. Everything.
Thirdly, you should attempt to fix your relationship with your husband, and that's if that's even possible. If one or both of you chose not to then it's time to end that too. Move on and learn from it so there won't be a next time.
Honestly, and I'm sorry to say this, you deserve to feel alone and empty right now. It is your punishment for not honoring your marriage to your husband, and also is a good opportunity for you to think about what went wrong and to figure yourself out. Clearly you're not happy with something in your life and if you don't acknowledge it and fix it you'll never be happy with any man regardless of who it is. Can't change what you did and there's no sense even trying to work on the solution until you've figured out your problem. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (9 March 2010):
In a situation like this you can't even hope for a friendship. You have to cut contact completely. If you keep contacting him then your husband will simply believe your affair has resumed. Can't you see that trying to continue contact is maintaining an emotional affair? It will be painful but you should let go and work on saving your marriage instead.
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A
male
reader, Flyguymyeye +, writes (9 March 2010):
I have to say you both probably got what you deserve. I feel bad for your partners.
Whatever happened to being faithful, forsaking all others?!
Learn from your mistakes and become a better person, try to find some good in the situation.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2010): Has it occurred to you that your partner is hurt? What about his partner? You are hurt,what did you expect? Would it not be the right thing to either leave your partner? as your`e in love with the knock off,or at least give him your blessing to have an affair to even the balance?
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A
female
reader, unfaithful2071 +, writes (9 March 2010):
Hello,
I can relate your situation..After 18years I contacted an old high school sweet heart. He's married and so am I he also live in a different state. We talked for about 1 month..and then when month 2 came around we wanted to meet. We both drove 11/2 on way to see each other. All the old feels we had came back hard..we've been seeing each other for 3 years. His wife caught us 3 times but he still wanted to see me. I called it off so many times, but every time we ended back together. Well 8 months ago I called it off again and we didnt speak at all. In those 8 months all I throught about was him and wondering if he was feeling the same way. I've pick up the phone dialed his number, but always hung up. I sent him an e-mail the end of last month. All it said is " do u think about me". He called me twice that same week. I didn't answer the phone...I finially called him and we talked for a little. Just finding out how eac other was doing. I called me last night but once again I didn't answer the phone...but if you can see my face when that phone rings and it him. Don't get me wrong I love my husband and for the pass 8 month I gave it everything I got to make it work. the other man just made me feel so special...I don't get that feeling from my husband anymore. Its very hard to forget some one you spend a lot of time with..Every time I think about him being w/his wife just breaks my heart. But then I really have to think am i willing to lose my family for some one thats not willing to give me the same effort I put into it. as a man he's not going to tell me what he's feeling...all i know is that he loves me and alway has. right now i'm at the point if I can't have him...i rather us just be friends. I'm not even sure that will work especially with our pass.
r u trying to make things work w/you husband?
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A
female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (9 March 2010):
 To be honest, the reason why relationship like this is never a good idea is because it never ends happily. People get hurt..innocent people at that.
Understandably, you are hurt but for sure you knew it will hurt like this. Ofcourse you knew that, right? So whatever hurt you're feeling now, choke it up. Accept it. That is the punishment for what you did. You may say you just fell in love and it feels right to you BUT..remember that there are people around you that you should have considered their feelings too.
Ask yourself, how would feel if your husband did this to you? How will you feel to be the woman this other guy is also seeing? Before you have entered into this situation, you should have done it rightly. You should have left your husband and demand the other guy to leave his partner. Not this way...see everyone is suffering. Just because you have thought of yourself and those amazing nights, now everyone is hurt.
So if you feel like hell about your situation now, remember, you had the choice to stay away from this before. Maybe just put it as a lesson never to do this again...or you will suffer the same fate.
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