A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:me and my girlfriend were talking about her past early in our relationship and she said she had anly slept with 2 other people only 7 times and only had oral once... i read her diary and it said she had slept with 3 guys and one guy was 7 times and another guy she did everything but "it". when confronted sh said the third guy she did everything but "it" to but she will not admit to sleeping with him.it bothers me but i didnt even know her then but its the fact that she lied that still bothers me. weve fought about it but in my mind i will never know the truth....weve been married 7 years now with 2 kids and i dont want it to ruin my marriage but i cant get it out of my head. its the only problem we have ever had. What can i do???
View related questions:
her past Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): When I was just a little girl I went through an "experimenting phase". There were girls, there were boys, there were more than one. There was everything.
Then, there was the boy I actually liked. Loved. I stuck with him, stopped all the experimenting. I don't think I told him in detail all my "lovers".
Only my dear diary knew. And you know what? I'm still with the young man and have done nothing but him for 8 years, now. (I'm 23) And I honestly would KILL him if he read my old diaries. That'd be mean and horrible! But honestly, I don't think he'd care. It's the past. I was like 14 or something. I'm his now. It doesn't matter. We aren't married. He wasn't a virgin either.
Quit reading her old diaries! Shame on you! And agreed with everyone else--it really shouldn't matter.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2010): I totally know how you feel. I found E-mails about my GF's past that contradicted what she had told me...not only about lovers, but things she told me about her sexual habits as well. I still have suspicions, but I got so worked up over it I sat her down and told her, "look...I need to know the truth about XXX". There were a lot of missing pieces and things that just didnt add up. After we "pieced together" what was missing, you know what? I was completely fabricating crap she had never done.You have trust issues that you need to let go of. Unless she has done things in the past 7 years to cause you to disbelieve her, you need to let the past go. an extra lover here, blowjob there, makeout session, etc isn't going to change who she is or how she feels about you. Women hide their past in many cases, and it is meant to bolster their image of purity or virtue. But she is with you for a reason, and not with anyone else. Be glad she is the woman she is, because everything in her past makes her the woman you married. So finding out the truth should make you feel even closer to her, not further away.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2010): I agree with Serpico. You were in the wrong for reading the diary but she is in the bigger wrong for telling you lies.
It's your problem to deal with her past and not hold it against her. That's your part of the bargain. You held up your end until the recent discoveries.
Her part of the bargain is not to mislead you about it. She did you wrong and lied to you. She has no right to expect you to accept anything that she was dishonest about at the beginning of the relationship.
...............................
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (5 August 2010):
I find this kind of funny. A guy catches his wife in a lie - a lie about something that is pretty important to him, and the response here is to chastise him for catching her.
Mate - not that I excuse your for reading her diary (two wrongs do not make a right), I do understand your anger about the lie. My feeling is if she is willing to lie about this, she is willing to lie about a lot of other things.
If you want to move forward, she needs to come clean.
...............................
A
female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (5 August 2010):
 The past is past, you want it or not. You can't do anything to change it. If she loves you, you should get over it.
...............................
A
female
reader, cocoqueen88 +, writes (5 August 2010):
 you can't DO anything. you're wrong for reading her diary. so what if she slept with 3 guys like 10 years ago... what do want us to say? go ahead and get a divorce?
most women stretch the truth about the amount of men that she's slept with to make herself seem more "pure". I know it sounds wierd but men judge you off that alone sometimes. I'm not saying that to justify what she did but you invaded her privacy. and yes you are being silly. just leave her alone about it and continue with your happy relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, Lotsalove. +, writes (5 August 2010):
 You've been married for 7 years and have 2 children. This is the 21st Century, not the biblical age. People have sex before marriage AND with different people. Who cares if shes slept with 3,4 or 20 men? 7,8 or 50+ times? Shes married to YOU now, every person has a past and thats hers. Deal with it, It's not relevant anymore. I assume you trust her, You don't have an STD's from her previous encounters and she's not indulging in an affair, so whats the problem?
If i was you, I'd forget the whole sitution, it's not a problem, your just making a mountain out of a mole hill. But you may have caused some issues now you've gone behind her back and read her diary.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (5 August 2010):
 Why did you read her diary?
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 August 2010):
 What can you do about what? This isn't really a problem. She wont admit to something she even in her diary said she didn't do... You need to leave this alone! It was extremely rude of you to read her diary. I wonder if she has lost her trust in you now! So maybe you need to work a bit on how you treat her, and respect her a bit more.
What does it matter if she had one more person she had sex with... Really? Does it matter? Tell me how. And I also find it interesting how you say you have been married for 7 years, and I don't know how long you were together before you got married, but early in the relationship.. and I will make a bet this was anywhere from 8-10 years ago, she said the number of partners... Well maybe this 3rd man is now YOU? Or do you know exactly what was said 10 years ago.. I mean really, you don't think there is any room for misunderstandings or what if she just wanted some privacy back then? Either way it is old news and long gone. Leave it be unless you want to create drama over nothing. And yes, this is considered nothing in my book. You reading her diary on the other hand is a bit more crucial. This tells me you are a very suspicious person, and that you have little or no respect for your wife or trust her. Maybe that is where the true problem lies? And not with her?
You can't get it out of your head because you don't want to get it out of your head. As soon as you decide to let go, and actually let it go, it wont bother you no more. Rise above it. Don't get hung up in it. In between what she said 10 years ago, and you reading her diary, many things have happened that matter a ton more.
...............................
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (5 August 2010):
 Once upon a time I could probably sympathize with you, but this is a diary that she wrote many years ago... what you see as lying have you considered could simply be her not keeping track of/remembering/caring about every single sexual encounter she's ever had?
What were you doing reading her diary anyways??
You kinda need to suck it up, you could have found out much worse and frankly her sex life before you really isn't any of your business to begin with to be honest.
I'm being kinda harsh, but that's only because you're being kinda silly.
...............................
|
