A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I ended my A over a month ago. I felt like a huge weight was lighted off my shoulders that I finally off the roller coster ride of emotions. I started wanting more than he can giveHe would always make excuses to come to my place go to your place.. he won't spring for a hotel.. Been stood up few times because something would come at last minute at work since he could only see me during work hours.We would have sex in the bushes or car .He also stopped communicating with me outside his work hours. So I finally ended itI thought I would be happier but I find letting him go is more painful than staying and deal with daily frustration of being the other woman.I find myself thinking about him all the time and missing him even though the relationship was unhealthy and my needs were not being met?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 August 2018):
 So you are happy to take a man away from his children? How on earth do you sleep at night. I have no advice to people like you other than even if his wife leaves him he won't truly ever want you and that is something you need to live with.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe are actually not in contact as for now because I told him to contact me if he ever be available.
As a matter of fact,he told me that him and his wife were seperated but still living in the same house for the time being intill he gets an apartment.That's the reason why I started this with him.I was under the impression it was just a matter of time intill he is free to be with me
officially without sneaking around
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2018): A mistress is a concubine, a side-dish, a woman who serves a subordinate role to the wife. She is somewhat of a servant or sex-slave. Though she may receive gifts, flattery, and words of love. The words ring hollow, and their purpose is shallow and an insult to the intelligence.
A mistress is the tribute to a bloated-ego; attesting that a man is such a stud he can handle two or more women at once.
Back in the olden-days, wealthy men could have several wives. Each had her status in a pecking-order. Some were favorites. Only the first wife had status. Concubines were somewhat different. He didn't marry her. He might even let her live in his palace or estate; but she was of a lower status than his wife.
The difference is, she also knew her place within the pecking order. The wife is the queen of the household. She may not know who you are; but she knows you're out there.
If he does choose you, she will take him for all he's worth. She has his children, and she will make your life a living hell.
A mistress or concubine does not have status. She is a handmaid and must show humility and respect to the master and his wife. In modern-times, the role of a mistress has lesser status. She's just a piece on the side. She's interchangeable with a prostitute or a call-girl. A dirty little secret, or just kept out of sight for use only.
Remove yourself from that degrading role.
He gave you a sweet sendoff; so you won't cause a ruckus with his wife and family. Of course you have his number; but you don't have the man. He is a cheater, and if you ever were cursed with having him all to yourself; you will never trust him. One woman isn't enough. His wife will also make it her business to be thorn in your side and a constant wedge. You're better off that he hasn't left her!
Men like him aren't caring and sweet as you're trying to make us believe. Who do you think you're fooling here? They condescend to you to keep you quiet; they pile on the sap and sweet-talk, and goo you up until you think you feel loved. They may even throw in the L-word.
If a man can cheat on his wife over a long period of time without conscience, he's a snake. The lowest of the low!
Excrement!
He knows leaving his wife will have a cost higher than he wants to pay. He's getting two for the price of one. He can replace you with a prettier younger fresher side-dish anytime. Your love is being wasted. It's also your prison.
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2018): Sweetie, he's texting you because he wants the sex. That's it. It's likely he hasn't found someone else yet. Or is just too lazy. You're a sure thing. He uses your feelings as a way of manipulating you back into bed. Don't fall for it. He thinks you're gonna cave. Don't. I know cause I'm a mistress too. These guys are all the same. You're going to end up destroyed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2018): *{SMILE}* Yes, my dear, you keep your hopes up that he'll leave his wife. In the meantime, you won't move forward; while he stays with her.
Others may be gullible; but I don't believe he sent you such a text. You're only saying that to pretend he's being sweet and sensitive to you. That's a bunch of bull! How convenient of the timing, just in-time to make a point that he cares to the people who are responding to your post. Give me a break!
Wait as long as you can! If he leaves his wife; he will get a taste of freedom, and he'll seek fresh meat.
Enjoy the wait! Bitter is the taste of karma!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 August 2018):
 Aw please. " Part of me hopes that his wife will leave him so that he can be mine ". Why, do you really think that even if his wife left him he 'd WANT to be yours ( other than for the occasional roll in the bushes, of course ) ? What makes you think that ? Absolutely nothing that he has said or done, so far.
Your hope would be thin but not absurd, if this guy loved you, and the only thing that's against you two being together were his wife.
But his wife is actually not the thing that's against your being together; instead, it's the fact that this man does not care about you, does not value you and does not want you as a partner. TBH, I doubt that he even just LIKES you ! Come on, he could not even spring up for a hotel room for you- bushes or car are all the effort you are worth of ,in his eyes ?! He could never get organized , or find some excuse, in order to spend with you more than a few random moments stolen to his job during working hours ?! (… very unprofessional, btw. Too bad he did not get caught and fired ! )
Does this sound to you like a man who'd want to be yours ?... Think again. If his wife left him and he found himself suddenly single - most probably he'd move on with his life and would find himself a woman to date and maybe to marry- a woman that he actually likes and cares for, a woman who he does not mind pampering, a woman that he would be happy to show off to friends and family. Not you, the bush lady.
Sorry ,OP, but some times one has got to be cruel to be kind. I really think you need to get a grip and regain your mental lucidity. If you do ,you'll understand that the way you feel now is because you did not have a relationship, but an addiction. You are experiencing withdrawals symptoms, same as if you had had to quit smoking , booze or drugs. Withdrawal is always uncomfortable and often painful, but it is something you have to go through if you want to drop unhealthy, self destructive habits. It's not a coincidence you call him
" a fix " !
Rather than thinking how to get your next fix, so rather than pining after this asshole, you should try understanding first what was it that needs to be " fixed " and led you to make such a bad choice. Where you bored ? Too much time on your hands ? Were you lonely ? Not enough close friends ? Did you feel you have underachieved on life , so far ? Did your life lack of goals, hopes, a sense of direction ? ….I have no idea what it was , but apparently it was something leading you to think that your life was so lousy , that even being humiliated and mistreated by a married was a positive, exciting improvement ! Start fixing that, by yourself or with professional help, and you won't need to cling to someone so toxic for you.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (24 August 2018):
 Stop it. Stop hoping now! He is keeping you on a lead, waiting for you to come crawling back. It is so clear what kind of man he is and you still want him, even though he is happy to destroy his family over an affair.Do you want him? Okay, so you’ve got him, how can you trust him not to cheat on you? You can’t. What if you have a child with him, either because he’s left his wife or because you accidentally get pregnant, you can’t trust him to put you and your child before his first family - and even if he did, there’s always the risk he’ll do the same to you and your child. Not only that, but it is clear that he does not want to be with only one person. Soon, he’ll find someone else, he’s just waiting to see if you come back. Woman up, OP, and block his number. Don’t talk to him again, don’t look up him look him up online and don’t allow yourself to think about him positively. There are so many good men out there and he isn’t one of them. You’ll wake up one day and realise you’ve wasted your life on a man who will never commit to you and, even if he did, would cheat on you too.Time to force yourself to move on.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (24 August 2018):
 What do you mean ‘be yours’?
Get your head out of the clouds, why would you want to be involved with someone that fucked you in a bush? That’s actually sad. I feel sorry for you if that’s all you think you’re worth.
If he cared about you besides the contents of your underwear then why didn’t he leave his wife for you? All he wanted from you was a quick fuck behind his wife’s back and you can’t see that? You think he actually cared about you? It’s crazy to think the side piece in affairs have this mentalitlty that they actually meant something. That women can be talked into dropping their pants before the guy disappears back to their family and like you don’t even exist. Insane.
Yeah, I bet he will Miss the no strings sex. Knowing all he has to do is text you and you’ll be bent over waiting. Have some self respect woman. This is embarrassing.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (24 August 2018):
 It always amazes me when seemingly intelligent women have so little sense of self worth that they think all they are worth is being some married man's bit on the side. Please don't kid yourself that you were ever anything more than that because this man was NEVER available for more.
Yes, he will tell you he thinks about you (of course he does - men think about sex frequently). He may even tell you he loves you (and will be telling his wife the exact same thing but actually MEANING it). He will tell you what you two have is special (all little treats for you to keep you coming back for more sex with him).
You say you hope his wife leaves him so he will be yours. You do realize, if his wife were to find out about you, the likelihood is he will cut all contact with YOU, make his wife believe it was "nothing special" and you will not see him for dust? Even if he were to come to you after his wife realizes what she has married, do you think you are only worth being someone's "plan B"? And would you ever be able to trust him? Once a cheater, always a cheater.
It might actually be a good lesson for you to get together with him so he could treat you exactly the same as he treats his wife. He MARRIED his wife so she is way more "special" to him than you will ever be, especially given that she is the mother of his children, yet he cheats on her. Do you honestly believe he would treat you any better?
Come on, sweetheart. Put this one behind you, learn an important lesson and promise yourself you will always value yourself too much going forward to ever allow yourself to be used in this way again. You KNOW you are worth better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThey have 2 kids but part of me hopes his wife does leave him so he can be mine.
Also he just texted me that he will miss our time together and I will be on his mind and to take care. He also said I still have his number if ever.So I'm still holding up hope that we will be together in the future
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (24 August 2018):
Why on earth would you enter in to an affair with a married man? Have you any idea the pain cheating can cause to a person? I sure hope there are no children involved.
Off course he would make excuses you where his bit on the side he wasn't going to spend money on you, you where sex to him nothing more. I can't believe you would have sex in a bush with a married man. I am sorry but you deserve this pain.
I am glad you ended it and I hope that his wife finds out what he is like and that he leads a lonely life.
You obviously caught feelings for someone who couldn't care less about you. Hopefully you don't meet the man off your dreams in the future and he finds himself in a bush with another woman.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2018): It's hard because you're going through withdrawal from a very serious drug addiction. Those who have never had an affair will never understand. All they will do is judge. Just know if you were reduced to having sex in a car or in the bushes during work hours, you meant nothing to him. This should help you see him for what we was: disgusting.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (24 August 2018):
Karma, unfortunately. Almost all break ups suck and hurt a lot, but that's life. You were more invested than he was and you're going to feel rubbish for a while - it doesn't just magically make you feel good that you left an affair.
Time to commit to being a decent person making decent decisions, OP.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2018): It's good that you feel terrible. It's dealing with the consequences and giving payback due the woman who really suffered. His wife. Even if she didn't mind or has some knowledge of it; he apparently cares more for her than you. He couldn't leave her.
I have limited sympathy for people complicit in adulterous-affairs. It's one thing when you don't know; entirely different when you carry it on for years and just don't give a hoot about his wife and family. Selfish deserves no comfort.
This will make you less likely to participate in cheating with married-men in the future. Hopefully, anyway!
If you ever do find someone to marry; when he cheats on you, it's going to sting and be more toxic than ever. That's because we don't truly know how it feels; until we're in the other person's shoes. A cheating-boyfriend is way different from having a cheating-husband. A whole different ballgame!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 August 2018):
 How sad that you lowered your standards to fucking a married man in a bush or a car... I mean how low can you go?
Yes, it will hurt to leave someone you crave and someone you obviously think you care for. Married or not.
The fact that HE is married, the fact that he didn't prioritize you, the fact that you really weren't fulfilled should make the break up easier over time.
The guy you MISS so much... is not him, it's the guy YOU wanted him to be the guy you wished he could be, not the real man. Because he was an absolute sack of shit.
Maybe next time... don't go after a married man. HAVE some standards to WHO you date, share your life and body with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm trying to stay strong but he just texted me and said he will miss our time together. Now I'm on weak mode...tempeted to see him one more time just a fix.
I just don't know what do with myself. I wish I could shut off these feelings
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (23 August 2018):
No sympathy here from me, you were potentially breaking up a family, you don’t deserve any praise for realising it was wrong, think about the poor wife who has no idea her husband was fucking another woman in a bush. She’s got the shitty end of the stick here, having no idea she’s married to a traitor.
Get a grip, find some self respect and stay away from married men in future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2018): It is painful but you did the right thing. Of course it will take awhile to get over him as you obviously had feelings for him. Get out and do some things you enjoy. Go out with friends, hobbies, volunteer, take walks.
I give you credit for realizing your needs were not being met. With a married man you have no right to have expectations from him. His priorities will always be with his family. I speak from experience.
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