A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months and he just got back from being away for 2 months on a family vacation. Ever since he got back, things have not felt the same. Everything was pretty much really awkward. So, we talked and at first we decided to try and work things out but obviously that wasn’t working so he said that we should take a break. Does that mean we are like officially broken up? I want him back and I just want things to be like before he left for 2 months. How can I make are relationship stronger?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 August 2018):
 I am afraid that Wise OwlE is right. In general, in your age range boys are a bit more immature and fickle than girls, and most of all, girls invest much more energy and emotions in
" relationships ". For boys … it' a bit like when a 9 or 10 years old child pesters his parents to buy him a dog. He is in good faith, he loves dogs, he adores dogs, he can't wait to have a dog. And when the parents give in and he gets his puppy, he is superhappy and excited at first- but in a few months, when the novelty has gone, well sure the dog is very cute, very lovable, … but the child realized it needs so much time, care and attention… it needs to be fed , and groomed , and walked every day… while there are so many exciting things to do, so many friends to hang out with, so many cartoons to watch, so many videogames to play….
Now, you did not need to be fed , groomed and walked by your bf,- but every relationship, even a young one, needs some maintenance, regularity, accountability. One has to text or call when he said he will… if you have a date you have to show up, you can't, or at least you are not supposed , to say " Screw it, I'm feeling lazy today, I don't feel like showering and getting dressed etc., I'll just stay in bed and I'll have a nice long nap ". And then there is the pressure , direct or indirect, of the single buddies who for some reason seem always to have something so funny and adventurous and cool to do , while you are stuck with… ahem, while you go on a romantic date with your gf…
In short, it happens. It happens a lot ! Not EVERY time, there are exceptions of course ; and I know a few myself ,of people who were or still are in very long term relationships with their first love. But I've got the feeling that yours is not among them, and that we have here a very normal case of " Out of sight, out of love ".
Try not to cling. It's useless and only generates mutual bad feelings, eventually. He did not quite say that you are " officially " broken up, but in your shoes I would treat it as an official break up. I feel that with his request of a break, he is tryng to inch away from the relationship diplomatically, either to not hurt your feelings or to not come off as the "bad guy " or both. ( or, perhaps, just to keep you on the back burner and then resurrect you when he is bored or horny, but I hope he is not the manipulative kind of guy ). Anyway , he is pulling off his emotional energy; people who are in love do not ask for breaks. And, if you ask me, breaks are stupid and ineffective regardless. Couples do have problems, at times, but if you ARE a couple, your problem is a couple problem, to be solved and worked on together, as a couple. Or, when this is not possible or desirable- then you break up. Not just " take a break ". Besides, I see you said that you noticed there was sonething off , when he came back from his holidays, and you did try to fix it together and make things work; but you did not succeed. So I don't see what a break would accomplish - you could not fix things communicating and seeing each other in person, - how would being apart " on a break " could fix whatever the probem is ?
Try not to take this too much at heart. Dating is a process of trial and error, and the first relationships, in your age range, often go through a lot of growing pains. It's almost a physiological process. Who knows, possibly, even probably, your next bf will be more mature, more serious-minded , or simply more in love with you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2018): Oh, my dear, I'm very sorry to hear that! I regret to inform you that 16 year-old boys don't take relationships as seriously as girls! For one, girls are somewhat more mature at your age; and more involved in the emotional-aspects of their relationships.
Boys like relationships based primarily on the physical-aspects; and for the attention of pretty girls. Not so love-sick for the same reasons. They don't dwell on feelings as much; and the length of a long relationship scares him more than anything. In a month he feels he's missing-out on fun with his buddies. He misses gaming, and hanging-out on his own. He could also have a list of crushes; or other girls tugging at him for his attention.
He shouldn't be too tied-up in a serious-relationship. All teens should be socializing with their friends and enjoying life! Being free! Making new friends! His parents may have even asked him to lighten-up with you a bit.
To be honest with you, relationships rarely last longer at your age. You both did pretty good.
It may not have been you; but I did warn a young lady your age with a similar post. About the fact boys may not be as enthusiastic about dating after summer-vacation; as they were before. That should and would make parents very happy; because it is normal.
Really, when you're so young you have to spend more time being social with your friends. Enjoying activities that stimulate your mind, having hobbies, getting out and enjoying sports for exercise and good-health; and being seriously focused on your grades and studies.
Daydreaming about boys with valentines floating above your head; and too caught-up in make-believe romances, are unhealthy for students and teens your age. You'll get too distracted, will neglect your studies, forget your friends, become excruciatingly moody; and will ignore your siblings. They need your time, love, and attention too!
Take a little time to catch-up with friends; and spend some face-time with your siblings, if you have any. It's not all about clinging to boys! Wait a few weeks, somebody else will come along!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 August 2018):
 Sweetie you are quite young and I am assuming so is your boyfriend therefore two months apart at your age really does make a huge difference to the relationship. It is hard to build a strong enough connection in four months for it to last two months away from each other.
It was probably awkard because you both didn't see each other in so long. He suggested a break which to me means that use are both broke up. A break in to a relationship that quickly is never going to end well. Could it be possible he met someone on his vacation and now wants to be single?
You need to ask him if you are officially broken up or ask him what he meant so that you know where you stand.
I understand you want him back, the first relationship can be difficult to get over, but things have changed now and they are not what they where two months ago. You can't make this relationship stronger on your own, you both need to want to be together and it sounds like at the moment he doesn't want a girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 August 2018):
 You can't make it stronger all by yourself and he doesn't WANT to date you, hence the "break".
OP, if people need a "break" this soon in a VERY short relationship (and yes, 4 months together+ 2 months LDR IS very short) - then the relationship just isn't working out.
Did he meet someone on his vacation, perhaps?
I think you should tell him that you will now consider yourself as single, that you wish him the best and that it is a shame it didn't work out.
You can't MAKE it work by sheer willpower. And he isn't interested in making it work either. So it IS time to let him go.
Better luck next time.
Chin up
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (23 August 2018):
 So you’ve been together for 6 months, he was away for 2 so you’ve really been together for 4 months where you could actually have a physical relationship. If he wants a break this soon then let it go. He’s not interested anymore, things won’t get better and if you try to cling onto things you’ll look needy. Things aren’t meant to be here, move on.
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