A
male
age
30-35,
*rusie
writes:My girlfriend and I split up because she's going to college hundreds of miles away and I'm in another state. so it didn't make sense. I feel a strong connection with her and expect to love her for the next semester and try and spark things back up in the winter for christmas. In the mean time everyone is telling me she'll hook up with people in college. It sucks, but I understand it. I'm a dude, so I'll probably have my opportunities to do the same, but I'm not sure if I should. If winter comes along and it turns out she didn't sleep with anyone and I made love to like, 3 girls, how am I supposed to convince her that I still love her and she should love me? The question is, do I bank on her hooking up with other people and do the same myself, or try and do the true love thing and hold out for her? She didn't want to do LDR because she didn't know how she'd feel after a few months and wouldn't want to cheat on me, which I understand. But at the same time she's not necessarily the kind of girl to go sleeping around. I am confused on how/who I want to be regarding her.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2012): This situation is not equal. You, being male, will not sleep with other people unless you go out and hit on other girls making an effort to do it. But she, being female, will get virtually attacked with male attention and attempts to sleep with her, spend time with her, date her, etc.
You both need to discuss this. Either you have to agree CLEARLY OUT LOUD that there is to be NO sleeping with others, or else you should assume she will be doing it. If you just "go with the flow" then you will probably discover that she ended up messing with other people while you did not.
A
male
reader, Trusie +, writes (19 August 2012):
Trusie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. It's all good stuff. I just can't decide what I want to do. I don't want to feel like I wasted my time waiting for a girl who isn't coming back. At the same time, she's special to me and it feels noble to wait for her rather than sleeping around just because I can.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (19 August 2012):
 Just go with the flow and what happens happens. If you feel too in love with your ex to have sex with another person then don't. If you want to then do, you arent together anymore for that exact reason. I agree with karlos, if you two were that in love and committed you wouldn't have broken up in the first place just incase she met someone else. Do what you want, that's the point of being single at this time. Same for her. When you meet later who knows how it'll be, but if she had the nerve to get mad at you for having sex while SINGLE by her choice, then she's fucked up. You can't measure love in terms of time and though you may think you will live her for a semester you don't know how either of you will feel. I think you will know what's right for you as you go on in college.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2012): Well I would say if you both love each other and are committed enough to each other, you wouldn't have to split up and you would trust each other.
But since she has already said she doesn't want a LDR because she doesn't know if she can stay true to you, then maybe you should just remain friends.
If in the future you meet up again and you're both single and if there's any feelings left, you could have another crack at a relationship, but remember whatever happened when you were both "Just friends" has to be accepted by the other.
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (19 August 2012):
 Well maybe you should talk to her about it?
I used to be in an LDR with my boyfriend. We met online, and after a year of friendship we met each other in person. Neither of us was with anyone else during that time because we had both decided we wanted to commit to this and make it happen. Then after he left, it was another 7 months til he moved here to be with me.
If you love her, don't sleep around. You can't measure love and time like "I'll love her to the next semester".
There are ways of maintaining your relationship, but it takes a LOT of effort from BOTH of you. If neither of you is willing to put in the effort, don't do it. If it's to work, you need to keep in constant contact and keep each other up to date with your lived. Communication needs to be entirely open and honest. Visits need to be planned or at least worked towards so that you have something to look forward to.
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