A
female
age
41-50,
*lyssa
writes:Hi all, please help. My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years. We own a home together, have a 1 month old son, and I have a 4 year old daughter who he treats as his own. Last week he confronted me on some things that I've lied about during the course of our relationship. I owned up to the truth. The argument became heated at one point but ended very positive. I know I've hurt him so much and it's killing me. I love him. Today he began telling me he's miserable and I make him hate his life. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, alyssa +, writes (10 September 2007):
alyssa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much, well except Tommy7 :)... No,Tommy7 had a valid point too as blunt as it was. Anyhow, yes, he was hurting and became nasty because of it. We both have moments where we have a difficult time coping with the recent events, but we are making it a point to discuss things and not pent them up. Thank you all for your attention, feedback and suggestions.
A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (7 September 2007):
 HiYour bf is just hurting and that is the reason for his nastyness. You need to gain his trust again and things should work out for yourll.Let him no that you are sorry and regret everything that you have done to hurt him and reassure him that it would never happen again. If things cannot be worked out between the 2 of yourll then i think counselling would do you good.Also just give him time to deal with everything and once the heathas cooled down then you should work on recovering your relationship.Good Luck,Mail me if you wanna talk
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A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (7 September 2007):
 The following is from this site:
http://www.ehow.com/how_2040630_spouse-trust-again.html
(1)The very first thing you need to do is to STOP doing whatever behavior is hurting your him and/or causing him to find it difficult to trust you. In other words, you must immediately make your life completely transparent to your boyfriend.
(2)Having stopped the offending behavior, you now must begin the LONG-TERM task of rebuilding trust. Begin by apologizing in a way that will have real meaning to your spouse. It is not enough to say "I'm sorry." It is essential that you show:
1. your deep understanding of how it must have been for him/her,
2. your genuine sorrow (what "sorry" really means) for causing the negative feelings
3. that you take responsibility for how your actions led to your spouse's inability to trust you
4. your plan for how to do things differently in the future
5. your absolute commitment to changing your behavior, out of love for him
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (6 September 2007):
 Hi
I had this problem with a guy, but it was him that was lying and denying it when i knew he was lying.
After a year i got fed up with it and ended it. Then he came clean about the things and it was too late. I dont like lies. Ive been with enough decent guys to know i dont have to put up with lying.
The only thing you can do is keep reassuring him. His instincts might be a lot better now, and he needs to learn to trust them, then he will relax maybe.
Its difficult. I knew i wasnt ever gonna trust him, but you two have children. Thats a whoooole different ball of wax! Maybe couple counselling could help?
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (6 September 2007):
 How about sharing what type of things youlied about. That will help to get better feed back.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (6 September 2007):
 He needs to learn to trust you again and trust needs to be earned. Let him know how much you love him and tell him you will NEVER ever lie to him again. Do something nice for him, paint his name on a banner "__________ (name) I love you signed ___________(your name) and hang it outside his work for everyone to see. It will certainly get the point across and show him you really mean it regardless of who sees it. If you don't want to do that you could hang it up outside your house so that when he comes home from work he'll see it!
It takes years to build up trust but only seconds to destroy it! Prove to him by your actions...
Eve
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A
female
reader, M_M4ever +, writes (6 September 2007):
 As long as you dont do anything you have done in the past again just reassure him that it is all over and only he matters now and the kids. He will probably say how can I believe you, its a hard but simple answer if you both love each other truely you will be able to trust each other. With that trust you should follow through with no doing what you did againBest Wishes
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (6 September 2007):
Miss Liar, you're about to be dumped.
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (6 September 2007):
 Maybe he just needs some time to come around. Depending on what you lied about he may come around. I wouldn't call it quits yet. If I where you I would keep my fingers crossed and try reassuring him that you love him and that everyone makes mistakes hopefully he will forgive you. Good luck.
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