A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a terrible dilemma--I cheated on my husband last night and I don't know if I should tell him or not.We have been together for over seven years (married two), I met him when I was 18 and he's the only guy that I had ever slept with or even really kissed, until last night. I travel a lot for my work and I have had more than one tempting situation, I am extremely good looking so men constantly try to approach me. Yet I stayed strong, until last night. I am living in a foreign country for a few months and have not seen him for three months. Understand, I am not using this as an excuse, I know that cheating is unacceptable and disgusting and I cannot believe I stooped down this low. I would be prepared to accept any consequence my husband would think is fit, even breaking up, even though he is the only guy I could ever love. I just don't want to hurt my husband's feelings. My hookup was a one night stand, I was drunk (but again no excuse), and the guy is also in a relationship, so my husband will never find out about this. And I had safe sex and am going to the hospital later today to get tested for STDs.It's killing me to lie, and killing me to tell him I broke his trust. I know I would never do this again--though the sex was great and the guy was wonderful I felt like vomiting afterwards and could not sleep all night. Should I tell him? And when, right now over the phone or in a week when he comes to spend Christmas holidays with me?
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male
reader, shmueltzvy  +, writes (6 April 2011):
I counseled adults for over fifty years. From everything I heard from them, DON'T BREAK YOUR HUSBAND"S HEART to ease your conscience. You made a mistake? If there are no results (STD's. pregnancy) and it never happens again, put it behind you and just go on. Learn not to be drunk or high in dangerous company. Telling him won't help him in any way; it's just as selfish way of making yourself feel better.
A
male
reader, imnotbob +, writes (16 August 2010):
To start out I have never cheated and neither has my wife, though we have had our own trust issues in the past, but here is my outlook.
Even with kids ALWAYS come clean. Also DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH YOUR HUSBAND UNTIL THIS IS RESOLVED!! The reason behind this is that if you end up staying together it give what should be a loving moment an opportunity for emotional recall (literally Pavlov's dog in the middle of making love). Go see a relationship counselor, if you have kids make sure it is at night when you tell him and have the kids stay somewhere else.
After a couple sessions of counseling you need to talk one on one with your therapist and let them know your limits of healing. A marriage has many different components TRUST being the most major component and SEX being a very beneficial and fun component but not as important in of itself. The issue with cheating is that sex is so much intertwined with trust that they can blend into each other.
Best case scenario he will forgive you. He may even have a secret of his own that could bring you closer together, though in a EXCESSIVELY PAINFUL way. To gain closure you may need to change your sexual lifestyle completely. You may need to become abstinent for the remainder of your marriage (he could loose his sex drive completely and only feel pain when thinking of you having sex), you may have to become involved in an open marriage (which these relationships are mixed in their success but may be the only option to both be in a loving marriage and fulfill both parties sexual needs). You may get divorced, or this could go any other way possible. The key point is that you need to separate the sexual component of your marriage out of your relationship so it does not DEFINE your relationship.
Whatever the outcome, if you are the cheater you need to be accepting of what the cheated needs to do to heal no matter what if you want the relationship to continue. Do not let either of you take revenge in any way (make sure he knows it is not acceptable to go out, get drunk and have an affair to show you how it feels). You will need to be completely humble during this whole process. Also be true to yourself. If you really can NEVER cheat on him again, then fine...but do not say that to him because you did stray once and there is no reason for him to believe you will not stray again.
Decide on how far you are willing to go and if an agreement is impossible then separate…do not go through life with hate for your spouse. Not telling him will also result in a horrible ending. Almost 100% of the time your spouse will find out at some point (most likely from you much later in life when you are preparing for death the human mind needs to clear out their consciousness). If this is the first time he hears of it think of how he would feel suddenly realizing the past 50 years of his life were a lie…there was no love, there was no desire, there was nothing!!! Though that may not be the truth this is what he will feel unless you tell him. Terrible things can go wrong if he finds out this way including suicide, homicide or both. If he becomes unstable and you have kids (especially the children born after the incident) he may try to “erase” any notion of your marriage…including your children. I would rather see a single marriage obliterated than an alternate savage ending. If you tell him now there will be anger and regret, if he finds out later there will be only despair (which one would you rater feel).
If you do go through the process of healing your relationship and it turns out to be a great outcome (both of you forgive you) do not forget. Do not try the “born again” approach, instead look at yourself much like we teach alcoholics to look at themselves (no I do not believe in alcoholism as a disease nor should you look at cheating as such). Alcoholics will always be an alcoholic but strive never to relapse. As a previous cheater you need remember at one time you failed and strive never to fail again. Involve your spouse actively in supporting you not to stray. You may think this to be a reminder of what happened (which it is) but the benefit of regaining trust greatly outweighs the downside. Make sure the rest of your life together is lived in BRUTAL HONESTY!!
***
Also anyone reading this whom has just come “close” to cheating or even just having sex problems…YES THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX. The recommendation of phone sex was a GREAT idea. There is nothing to be embarrassed about in a marriage, be accepting of the others desires and potential infidelity can be avoided. If your spouse tells you they have been thinking about having an affair find out together why. Most of the time it is just to “spice” up their sex life (and yes both husband and wife have separate sex lives and sexual desires…meaning INDEPENDENT of the others). Sometimes one persons need to have sex with someone other than their spouse can be satisfied simply by changing your hair color, wearing colored contacts, eyeglasses, or dressing completely out of character (for girls who are considered “bad girls” dress like an innocent girl, innocent girls dress like a bad girl). Always talk about your sexual desires, even if you think they are repulsive. This doesn’t mean that you will be able to act upon them but they need to be acknowledged by your partner. Never disregard a sexual desire by your spouse. If you are uncomfortable with the proposed situation try to manipulate it into a middle ground. If your spouse wants a 3-some, maybe instead go to a “open sex” party but stay faithful only to each other.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2009): I am in the same situation that I cheated on my husband and I am so ashamed. There're many tempting situations but I was able to handle well in the past 9-10 years since I knew my husband. I decided to tell him and thanks God he forgave me. I told myself I am not going to do it again. I am able to keep my promise just to myself when I don't see that person. But soon after I told my husband, we ran into each other a couple of times and I could not resist when he tried to approach or manipulate me in many ways. I was tempted and trapped in the way. am a very attractive person and I feel like men are taking advantages when we're weak. Our marriage relationship did not go well when I cheated but now our relationship gets stronger and better overtime so I would like to stop this asap to save my marraige. Trust me! if you are willing to confess, if he truly loves you he will forgive you. But the bottom line is if you're attractive to men, there're possibilities that you'll be tempted and make the same mistake again and again. I am in that situation and it's difficult to get out of that deep hole. I am too shamed to tell my husband the second time so I decided to keep a distance from that person and it does work as long as I don't see him. I will never forgive myself but I will not suffer my husband again. It's up to me, not him, and not anyone. I am confident that I will be able to handle this situation and move on with my life.
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reader, sf69 +, writes (5 November 2009):
My wife never told me but I found out anyway..So The relationship can suffer from lies and deciet (not telling him) Or you can tell him and that may be his dominant thought for the next 10 or 20 years. Either way somthing not good will result. Maybe the memory of the great sex will be good but it wont ease the guilt. God is youre best bet. For me it has been 15 years of hearing "you are the only one I ever had" and knowing what happened. Some guys dont care...other guys are left crippled so badly they are better off dead. Again your only chance is from the higher sorce. (Im sorry if I was kinda harsh but this same thing had a bigger affect on my life than any other event) Good luck and God bless you.. SF 69
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): You asked this a while ago but if anyone new is reading this with this type of dilemma of whether or not to tell their husbands if they have cheated, from a 28 y.o. who has cheated on her husband with 2 different men (at different times) and had tried to keep it a secret, finally told him, and only now can I say that honesty is the best way to go.
If you dont have honesty in a marriage, your marriage is not worth much. I am not saying trust, I'm talking about honesty. If you keep a secret like that inside (and for you he thinks he is your ONLY) which is a HUGE secret to make him think you've never slept with another, and it will eat away at you like cancer. I am telling you this from experience. He was not my only, but if you are truly a good person than you will not be able to look at yourself as a good person as hard as you try and try to fool yourself into making excuses about what you have done. You said vows with your husband and it is up to him to make the choice whether or not he wants to stay with you. He will know. You dont even have to say anything. HE WILL KNOW IN HIS HEART.
Don't keep this inside you, it will make you feel worse keeping it in rather than setting your self free. Your husband will respect you more for coming forward on your own as well, and if he truly does love you, you guys will get through this.
Good luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): Hey there,
If he would forgive you then it's better he never knows as long as you never do it again that is. You know if you do it again that there are problems in your relationship or that you need to tell him because one slip up is bad but after that it's absurd, the relationship would break down anyway even if he never knew you would grow apart. Your story sounds like you would never do this again and I really hope if my fiance, who is wonderful, ever cheated when drunk, that he'd never tell me, the pain would hurt too much for me to take and ruin everything and I know if he ever did cheat he would have to be very drunk and careless and be having a bad day. I also believe the pain of guilt would stop him ever doing it again. Telling me would only help alleviate his guilt. and ruin everything
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): The number of cheaters who say "I won't hurt my spouse by telling him/her" always seems a lot higher than the number of cheated-on people who say "I wish he/she just hadn't ever told me that they cheated!"
I think the "I won't inflict this pain on him/her by telling them the truth" is a load of crap. It's a self-serving way to justify not coming clean about cheating.
(What if the cheater were to keep on cheating? Would it be better to never tell the partner about any of it? Would it ALL be a secret kept for the unknowing spouse's "protection"?)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): Yes, it is his Hearts intelligence you speak of, and he will already be knowing something is badly wrong. May be a rough ride but you will both live through it Together. Tell him the truth, all of it, your feelings for the other guy, everything, He will be badly hurt but it is the lesser evil as he is being hurt each and every day by your Aura, his heart feels something is wrong and he will blame HIMSELF for your unhappiness and begin to hate himself and it will surely destroy him and the marriage. Just be honest and you have another chance
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): He deserves to know. You Are likely to do this again whether you tell him or not, but please, if you love him as you say you do, tell him. follow your heart, and like the first reply advises, seek help, but speak to your husband first. Wishing you well
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008): As someone who just found out last night that my husband had a one night stand with a lady from our local pub, MAKE SURE HE WILL NEVER FIND OUT! I am bleeding inside and don't have any idea how to cope with the news. I hope that your husband never needs to experience the pain that I am in right now.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008): Don't tell him. You will hurt him by telling him only to help you deal with the guilt. That is not fair on him, you will detroy him and damage your marriage and that wound would stay there between you forever.
Get professional help by yourself to forgive yourself and re invest in your marriage.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): I hate cheaters because it eventually catches up with them and it ruins everything. As for samurai i would expect the lies from a cheater anyway. You love your husband so much that you just happen to forget him and pleasure yourself. That is love. yeah sure. I believe in old fashioned values and anything other then 2 people is a sin. I can do all the good things with sex but i refuse to stray even if that means i tell myself each day. Once a cheat always a cheat. You had something very rare and honourable by only being with one man and no matter how much sexual crap is thrown at you, you should have kept it. If you told me that you had a chance but refused because you value your morals then i personally not that i count would hold respect to the highest degree. Cheater are the lowest on my list no matter how it happens because they can stop themselves by not even wanting to do it. You wanted to do it so tell him. Why should he be punished if he is faithful to you. I hope you don't have kids and then tell him because believe me their lives will be ruined by you too.
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reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (20 December 2007):
 If you truly love your husband and you want to keep your marriage good for the rest of your life I urge you not to burden him with this.
Have you ever seen the movie the Bridges of Madison County? It’s a about a woman who has this 4-day affair with a man who enters her life. They fall in love for that brief time and they part never to see each other again. She never tells her husband about it. She goes on to have a happy marriage with her husband until the day she dies. Her children find out about this affair when they read her dairy about it. One of the big points of the movie is that she held her family together and stayed the course and they grew up living happy lives together, her kids, and her husband…it was actually a happy ending to her life. Some people would have you think that’s a tragedy!
If she had told him about the affair it would have been the breaking up of their family together. You could never tell how he would have reacted to her, but one thing is for certain…it would have hurt him. And as I relate this to you I can tell you with no doubt it will hurt your husband to know of this brief one-night that you had. No matter how he reacts to it just telling him about it is as selfish as the act of cheating itself. The only purpose of it would be to remove the guilt from your shoulders and have him bear some of it. That wouldn’t be fair.
Do not think that this sin as only yours to bear…God knows about it. God can forgive you and understand. I often think that people advising others to unburden their sins and the guilt to others, just for the sake of relieving guilt, just don’t believe in God. My dear, you are not alone in this pain of guilt you feel. You are never alone. Life is filled with bittersweet pain and this is something you have to live with.
What you did you know you did wrong. You know you will never do it again. You also say you are seeking therapy to help you. That’s another soul that will know of your guilt and can help. You are already on the road to living with this and moving on.
But I stand by what I say, and I also say this from experience. Do not tell your husband. Let his Christmas present from you be knowing you are his one and only wife and that you will stand by his side no matter what, that you will hold the guilt of this act inside you and be his wife forever faithful after.
If I were your husband that’s what I would want. I would never want to know you did this. I would prefer to live in the ignorance of this than to have it haunt me and tear us apart.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): Hey. I know how you feel. I'm married too. I cheated on my husband and told him the same day--BAD IDEA. Why are you going to make your husband suffer too Aren't you suffering also?? It will just hurt him. Do you want to hurt him? Just make sure you dont do it again. And believe me you wont feel relieved when you tell him, you will feel stupid it you tell him. Because your relationship will get worse and he wont trust you again. The guilt WONT go away... Just make sure to treat him right from now on and eventually the guilt WILL go away with time.. If you love your husband than dont hurt him by telling him.. Guys say they want to know...but if you are truly sorry and wont do it again than DONT TELL HIM. Just be faithful from now on and do whats right from now on. WHAT DOESNT KILL YOU ONLY MAKES YOU STRONGER and DONT REGRET ANYTHING THAT MADE YOU HAPPY AT THE MOMENT...
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): Do not tell him. It was a one off. Telling him might ease your guilt but it will hurt him, so he ends up paying to ease your guilt.
You say it will never happen again so bury it and make sure in dosnt.
If my wief cheated on me once I would not want to know
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): Please tell him. I have been in this situation too and thought I could keep it secret. Now we have kids and I love him more than ever and it hurts more than ever that I lied. I feel now 6 years on it has to come out as its still eating away at me now and has to come out. I hate lying and it shouldnt be done to the one you love. If he loves you he will forgive you but get counselling it will help you both.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): if you decide you are going to tell him, tell him to his face. it's best to have him where you can see him.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): Cheating is one thing, having sex for recreation is another. If you had great time having one night stand then you should think seriously about leaving stable relationship! maybe it's now time for you to experiment and learn more about yourself!
You have to tell him what happened and move on with your life. Also think about weather your bad feelings come from fear of loosing your husband or disgust of having one night stand as a 'normal way' to fullfil your sexual needs?
Stop paniking and think! talk to somebody you can trust before you talk to him about this. You need conclusion about what next!
good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): first of all you need to ask yourself two questions, did you cheat because you had been away for so long or did you cheat because you had temptations that you just couldnt resist. You said that you had temptations to cheat more than once but it never actually happened, so did you know in the back of your mind, that eventually this was going to happen. the saying what you dont know dont hurt you is simply true and also applies to your husband, but what you seriously have to think about is why you were getting these temptations to cheat in the first place. was he not sexually pleasing you or is it that you just wanted more. if it is that you just wanted more and you say you wont cheat again, i find this quite hard to beleive. If you acted out of character and are very happy with the sex life you have with your husband then you should keep this one night stand to yourself, but that is only IF you truly are, because if your not this will happen again. There is nothing wrong with having a flirt but NEVER give into your temptations again, because then you will have to think twice about why you are actually married and where your marriage will go in the future. But i think that you sound very happy with your husband and am giving you the benefit of the doubt that your not greedy, you just missed him at the time, so i think you should keep this to yourself. good luck
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female
reader, angelblueeyes  +, writes (12 December 2007):
 I'm afraid to say that the best way to deal with this is to tell him the truth, otherwise you have built your life on a lie.
I have done this (affair tho not 1 night) so i know better than most what this is like, me and my husband worked through this together my god it was hard but almost 14 yrs on and we are fantastic!!
Obviously i am only offering my opinion & only you can decide what the best thing for you to do.
Good luck
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male
reader, edd_edd +, writes (12 December 2007):
Hi, I can understand this must be very difficult. But if you want a good relationship then having secrets that may or maynot come out in the future is not good. You will always know that you cheated on him. You are not hte first person to ever do this and the fact you feel so bad about it shows that you feel ashamed that you have let youself and your relationship down. Would you like to know if your husband had cheated on you? Some people would others not. Be prepared if you tell him for him to be very angry but if you do tell him he will appreciate the fact that you were honest and will respect that. You canot expect him to feel secure if you are going to work away alot and he knows this has happened before. You will need to spend all your time together and not work away so consider a job closer to home if you tell hime and want to work it out.You will have a better relationship if you tell him and your can work though this tahn if you dont tell him and carry that burden with you. Yes you do risk ending the relationship if he cant forgive you but thats a risk you may need to take to repair your relationship. Because even though he doesnt know your relationship will suffer as a result.I really hope you sort everything out. You sound like a good person.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): First of all, either you chose to willingly cheat on your husband or you were raped. Pick one.
You'll probably get a lot of people telling you to keep it a secret, but would THEY want that secret to be kept from them? Not likely.
Everything seems like a victimless crime right up until you're the victim.
Take some responsibility, keep your marriage rooted in honesty, and tell him. It won't be easy but living a lie for decades is not easy either.
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reader, Collaroy  +, writes (12 December 2007):
 Hi,
I cant believe all the people who are saying its bound to happen if you are away from your partner.
I have been away from my partner for periods of time and all it does is make me want her more, not someone else. So I think that is a very shallow reason for people to be giving.
At the end of the day its happened, you can't change that, so why should you make your husband suffer just so you can get it off your chest? I dont understand this reasoning, he will be bitterly upset and he might even divorce you for adultery. How can that possibly be a good result?
I think you are just going to have to learn to deal with it yourself, you made the mistake and you have realised it was insane , a counsellor will help you find ways to cope, I just don't get what there is to achieve by telling your husband, unless of course you want to spoil his christmas holiday period with you.
This reasoning where the cheater feels the need to involve the injured party in the deceit is just selfish behaviour to me. If my wife told me she had cheated on me like this, she would be spending the Christmas on her own.
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reader, LandonM +, writes (11 December 2007):
You giving him too much credit. You are sure that the three months you were gone he didn't do anything? I am a very good partner. But at three months, I will be looking for something (or someone) to do.
What happened there was a mistake on your part. It only becomes a sin when you let that affair ruin your relationship with him. You didn't see this one coming. You tried your hardest and gave in to the circumstance.
If this isn't going to fix anything, don't have to tell him. But you do, deep inside, owe him a lot of make up time. You will need to push harder and treat him right because you are now obligated to. Don't tell him, but don't do it again, and you need to treat your husband in any venue with priority and exclusivity. In bed, be much better than you were with that one nighter. In attraction, be attracted to him more than that fling. In actions, enslave yourself in serving him.
Your problem is guilt, not the fling. You are over the fling. The guilt is something you have to solve within yourself. Do the above. You are obligated to.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007): I've been married for 36 years.(We're still together)I was not the best husband. Her needs were neglected. 23 years ago she cheated with a family friend.When she stopped she did nothing to filter him out of our lives. He drowned recently. Also recently a co-worker took a shine to me.No secret on my part. In a fit of jealousy she blurted out the affair. I was devastated. I had no idea.She told me at a stage when all I had to do was hit the "start button" for a "full blown" affair. And guess what little weak me did? Yes,I'm afraid so!Now I have to confess the rest to her.Already the fallout is severe. The kids and even the grand kids have been hurt.You see, the truth will fester its way out sooner or later. Get professional help. Prepare yourself. Work on your marriage. Pick your moment, and tell him.Don't delay too long. It will compound matters.God bless you both.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, Phil--that is exactly what I've been doing all day, shower, bath, wash all the sheets, spray air freshener around...Thank you so much for your kind words, they really help. I feel so awful right now I wish God, if he exists, would just strike me dead with a thunderbolt.Thanks everyone else as well: to answer your questions, I don't have children. The hookup WAS a total fluke--I felt a very intense attraction to the person at that moment, but it's not an emotional relationship and I'd never want to see him again. And anyway, sex is always great for me, but with my husband it is a million times better.And finally, I'm following the suggestions to see a therapist (this Fri, keeping my fingers crossed), especially because I'm starting to realize that part of the reason for this aberrant behavior is the accumulating stress from my extremely competitive job, and my feelings that I'm failing at it and am lazy and unfocused. Depending on how I feel after the initial session, I'll decide what to do.
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female
reader, jea49 +, writes (11 December 2007):
I know exactly what you are going through. i have lived with guilt most of my life so i know what that feels like. I am not going to judge you or tell youv'e done a terrible thing because you are already punishing yourself enough. But it is a good thing you feel guilty now and the reason why is because you know in your heart what you did was wrong. My advice to you is the key is do not continue to beat yourself up it's done and over with and i don't even know but i really believe you would never do this again, mainly because of how bad you feel about it. But if this does continue where you find it difficult to get through a day without thinking about it. I believe you should tell your husband explain to him that all of us are human and we make mistakes. think of it this way if he was the one who cheated, wouldn't you want him to tell you? That way you would know just how guilty he really felt. And please always remember God forgives us all if we sincerely ask him to.
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reader, chatty85 +, writes (11 December 2007):
you should not tell your husband just forgive yourself and keep going. i know its hard for you to be away from your husband, but maybe you should try phone sex, porn,vibrators,or something eles to satisfy your sexual needs, and talk to your husband for emotional needs.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007): I know what you're going through. I've been there. Just the once though. Drunken one night stand. Felt sick to the stomach the following morning, had a bath followed by a shower and went around the house with air freshener. Changed the bedsheets, washed them twice and turned the mattress over.
It might be a bit unconventional, but what I would suggest is that you go to see a hypnotherapist once you've got over the shock, and get them to erase that night from your memory if at all possible.
Don't bash yourself over it, it's not worth it.
Phil
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (11 December 2007):
 It sounds like you may have a very hard time keeping it a secret. If that's the case, the longer you leave it, the worse it will be. He will wonder, for example, why it took you two weeks to decide to tell him.
It's your call.
You can not tell him. You'll have to live with the guilt your entire life. Don't think about telling him 5 or 10 or 20 years from now. This site is full of people who wait years before confessing, and they make the situation worse because of it. Sometimes much worse. And your relationship won't be based on total honesty. Forever. But it may save your relationship.
Or you can tell him. He may leave you, he may cheat on you himself. He may hate you. Me may say terrible things about you to everyone you know. But he may understand you, and be grateful (in his pain) that you told him quickly and that you are horribly sorry and guilty about it. If you manage to make it through this, then you'll have an honest relationship.
Both routes involve a lot of pain. Unfortunately you caused that by what you did, there's no way out of that now. It's which route you feel is best, and only you know the answer to that question.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007): Well, first thing... Is this cheating thing more emotional or physical? Is the other guy a person you know well or just some guy in a bar? If this was a one time fluke I think it would possibly more forgivable, if it is something that was lead to by months of flirting... not so good. I believe in total honesty... I also think the best way would be to tell him in person. Although I don't know if Christmas is a good time as well, but ASAP! I would suggest finding a source to get as much info as possible. From the way you wrote about you and your relationship, it sounds as if you love him... but, I kinda detect a little bit of... want to get out and, like the attention, too sexy for just one guy, and wonder what other people are like... no offense because I could be wrong! You said you can accept the consequence of breaking up, that worries me! do you really feel remorse if your okay with divorcing because you cheated? This gives you more opinions, but I still stick with TELL HIM, IN PERSON, BE HONEST! if there is couples counseling involve and you really feel remorse, going should be a number 1 priority... GOOD LUCK ! http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/59275/you_cheated_should_you_confess.html
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female
reader, frizzylizzy  +, writes (11 December 2007):
 No, don't tell him.. If it didn't mean anything to you and you never want to do it again there'e no point in hurting him. There will be nothing to gain from this situation, only you easing your conscience, You deserve to live with the guilt so don't hurt your husband. I was in a similiar situation before and believe me there is no benefit in knowing something like this. Put it behind you and get on with your life (be extra nioce when he comes to visit), maybe it's time for you to move home so something like this never happens again and give ypour marraige a proper chance, believe me long distance relationships never work out in the end, you'll end up growing apart.
Sorry hun, hope that was a bit of help
good luck
L
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionP.S. Just a clarification: my husband has never cheated on me and I feel sure he never would; he doesn't even notice other women. He's very honest and loving and always trusted me 100%. But he is also extremely intelligent and hypersensitive and I'm afraid he'll see that something is bothering me, especially since right now I almost have something like post-traumatic stress, every time I look at my bed (where the hook-up happened) I start to shake and hyperventilate and can't sleep in it at all.
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (11 December 2007):
 After Christmas.
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