A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship with a man for about a year. He recently moved in to my house. He tends to be a bit odd he has been cheated on and so- he tends to peek thru my phone and I don't mind because I have done nothing wrong. I had anouther woman at worked I liked and she liked me (before I started dating him. I told him all about it upfront and broke it off with her. I have tried to remain friends with her, only as a friend because her husband is cruel to her. Well I just found out, by him tonight that this girl who was so------ mean to me at work even threw away my personal effacts... Had asked him out and supposably he said no-. I knew at that time they were talking, because he slipped up and txt me instead of her. But I had no proof* just my gutt feeling. Well it turns out my gutt feeling was right. I found out he talked to her and she was flirting and stuff. I asked if he still has her info and talks to her he said NO.Well I was looking for his mom's # in his cell and I seen her # last weekend. I did not say anything because I did not think it would be right to do...Now I am thinking why so long to tell me the truth, why lie to me about the phone number, and she is on his myspace page.. I love him, but I was upfront contously and he was not with me.What should I due?How due I approach him?(Mod Note - OP's own title)
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female
reader, ilaila +, writes (25 January 2010):
When you saw her phone number for last weekend do you know if they talked or maybe she called and he didn't answer? It's interesting that he knows how much it hurts be be cheated on and lied to and yet there's a possibility that he's doing that to you. Maybe - giving him the benefit of the doubt he doesn't talk to her anymore and maybe he forgot that her phone number was still in his contacts (I can't figure if you saw a call from her or if just in the address book?) so didn't even think twice when he told you that he doesn't talk to her anymore. As for myspace - people keep so many random connections on those sites that I wouldn't put much stock in that meaning anything. I would talk to him about it - bring everything into the open and figure it out from there. I wouldn't accuse him of anything but I would point out the inconsistencies that you've noticed and see what he has to say for himself. I hope that it's all just a misunderstanding and that he can earn your trust again. All the best!
A
male
reader, Boombadaboom  +, writes (25 January 2010):
 Everybody has issues, the best way to deal with them is to have all your cards in the open, that means both of you. Convince him to be completely honest in a good way and do it by showing him you are doing the same. Do and say all that needs to be done and said in one big moment if possible and recover the conversation again after a few more days. It'll help the both of you. Don't force him at all, just convince him he can trust you to the depths of his heart. Let his love for you open his heart and use the right words and your own heart to talk to him.
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