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female
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anonymous
writes: It is totally incredible to me that some women will still want to have sex with a man who uses porn.Ladies doesn't this make you sick? Why would you want to have sex with a man whos gets horny over other women? I dont understand. To the arguement that 'he comes home to me and is just looking at the menu" Why isnt your menu enough? Why do you feel that you must tolerate this.To the arguement that 'its better than cheating' Why cant you expect him to be faithful and not use porn??Its not that incredible.To the arguement that' men are more visual' This has been proven time and time again to be false. Its simply that we to;lerate and encourage this behaviour in men not in women.All these excuses ....why cant we just expect the faithfulness and respect from them? Why cant they honour the fact we are sharing our bodies with them and save their lust for us?To those women who say they enjoy porn I just dont understand how you can when the whole idea of porn is that only certain ways of looking and behaving are desirabel. Mainstream porn rejects real women in favour of 'barbie doll types" How could any woman support this.I really feel men will not quit this crap until we stop accepting it
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2006): to the anomymous male writer who says he 'doesnt see what the big deal is with porn' Of course you wouldnt.....your not a woman who lives in a world where we are constantly told that how we look is inadequate, that a womens only worth is in her body and it must look a certain way, a world where the rape of women and girls occurs by the SECOND, a world where men feel that our gift of sharingf our naked bodies with them means sooooo little that they will just go a get a hard on over some aked woman they never met...
Wake up, porn is an abuse towards women and any man who participates in it is constributing to the problems that face women daily...he is part of the reason women cant walk down the street ithout being ogled by filthy council workers. he is part of the reason mothers have to cover their childrens eyes when they walk into a newsagency where naked women (or mostly naked) cover the wallls. he is part of the reason that teenage girls are dying from anorexia in an effort to look beautiful. he is part of the reason women are mum has to explain to her kids that dad just ran off with a 20yr old cause she fitted the media image closer than the wife who gave life to his children. he is part of the reason pimps are making profit from exploiting young women who have troubled backgrounds and perhaps even drug problems.....
IF YOU SEE NO PROBLEM WITH PORN THEN QUITE SIMPLY YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2006): Ok i dont get what the big deal is with porn it doesnt mean anything to guys we are visually stimulated hence we use porn, i buy my girl flowers, give her massages after long hard days at work, cook, clean listen and confirm her feelings and all i want in return is my sports motorbike and porn, I would dearly love to have sex with my g/f morning and night everyday but she would rather it 2 or 3x a week hence i use porn and i exercise alot to burn off my excess energy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2006): A lot of men are saying they only started looking at porn when they stopped having a lot of sex with their partners well my man and I used to have sex constantly then HE started looking at porn and has no interest in having sex with me anymore and I've talked to him and ive initiated it but unfortunately our relationship is completely ruined because he doesnt want me anymore- sexually.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2006): To the 'good' Christian;
10th commandment mean any thing to you?
Your wife may not be like the women that the media pushes to you every day, however, I think you would do very well to examine this manufactured ideal and the way your wife is.
I have this feeling that she is probably a wonderful mother to your children and an otherwise dedicated and faithful wife. You should look in to the qualities your wife has, and the qualities you feel she lacks and see if they really are so easily compatible. I think not.
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female
reader, midgetgem +, writes (15 August 2006):
 Sounds like your man is using every excuse under the sun to support his habit.I agree with you, porn is ultimately degrading to women and if you're in a relationship with a man he shouldn't be looking at it FULL STOP.Tell him you want him to stop because it's upsetting you and making you feel insecure. If he tries to argue his way out of it, put your foot down, make it clear it's not open for discussion. I'm not saying you should amke an ultimatum, just make it crystal clear that you don't feel that he should be looking at pictures of other naked women when he's with you. He wouldn't like it if you did it so why should you accept it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2006): To the 'good christian' who says 'I wish that I did not HAVE to look at porn but it is either that or a divorce, and my three kids need their dad more than my wife needs my virgin eyes...LOL, really I think your wife deserves a better man than you are and hopefully she can find a better daddy for your kids too...one who's not always looking at porn because he says he HAS to look at porn!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2006): I agree with Yos. I don't think I have ever read any thing to support the idea that we are biologically wired in a way that actually justifies using porn.
Whilst it is in our nature of being a human that we have desires, it is also in our nature to use reason to challenge desire. If you justify porn by saying desire needs to be satisfied, you could equally jusitfy rape, murder, violence and any other act that involves acting on desire and emotion. It is through reasoning, that we seperate ourselves from the animal world. Without it, there would be no such thing as civilization nor social progress.
Within the context of a relationship it is obviously a matter of being with someone that shares the same kind of view as yourself. If one person thinks it's ok, and the other doesn't, I should imagine it's something very hard to compromise over. If not impossible! This subject (that is one of the biggest subjects on here) shows to us that it is very important to get to know the beliefs and opinions that a potential partner has before becoming intimate with them.
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (14 August 2006):
 Personally I find arguments using 'hormonal differences' to justify porn very weak. If you really want to argue that from some scientific viewpoint, you need to point to convincing experiments proving your point. But there are no sucessful experiments showing how male hormones are linked to porn, let alone how they may in some way 'justify' porn. You are making this up because it 'sounds plausible', not because you can point to any actual science behind that opinion.
In reality, the great majority of actual scientific research into porn (mainly social sciences) shows that porn can and frequently causes a wide range of problems.
To be frank, your argument seems under the surface just to be the classic pro-porn argument "I am a man, I have a sex drive, a sex drive that can never be truly satisfied by one woman. Either I will be unfaithful, or I'll use porn. You should accept the lesser of two evils".
A man using porn is redirecting his energy away from his partner. This can never be a good thing in a relationship.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2006): If men gave a rats arse about their partners or the general exploitation of women in this world they wouldnt even DREAM of supporting this industry and using porn
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2006): Of course he's an ungrateful mysogynist........what planet are you living on??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2006): I don't think a lot of the women posting here understand the fact that men and women are completely different creatures when it comes to sex. Hormonally, guys are WIRED for it-- under normal circumstances most men are thinking about it around the clock. If a guy looks at porn while he's in a relationship, he's not being the ungrateful mysogonist you're making him out to be. You have to understand that the hormonal differences create a completely different perspective between the sexes. I love my girlfriend, and when we were sexually active I very rarely looked at porn. When I did, it wasn't an issue of being dissatisfied. The urge is there, it's persistent, it's strong and if it's not taken care of I get distracted from daily responsibilities and I become irritable. Understand that it has nothing to do with you, ladies. He's not using porn in your stead, and he's not trying to satiate some desire to see a "more perfect" woman in a sexual context. If it bothers you that much, talk to him about it. Try and keep an open mind, and if he's worth anything, he'll try and do the same and maybe you two can develop a better understanding of each other.
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male
reader, Yos +, writes (10 August 2006):
I find it interesting when men say they 'need' porn, or are 'entitled' to it, or similar.
Bear in mind that porn has only been around any any quantity since the mid-twentieth century, and only really been socially acceptable since the 1970s.
What did all the men do prior to porn then? The ones that 'need' it and 'can't do without it'?. What about the previous several hundred thousand years? And no, I don't buy that women were just subservient back then as an excuse. Porn is about desire for other women, not your own wife or girlfriend.
I'll agree that in certain specific situations porn can be beneficial (net benefit, it still has downsides), but overall I see it as highly negative. I am particularly dismayed how much porn has become a part of popular culture. Porn is now fashionable, and its influence is everywhere.
I fear that it is one factor that is resulting in a generation (or more) of sexually and relationship-disfunctional people. It makes me sad to see 14 year old girls post on here about brazilian waxes and about how their boyfriends want anal sex and threesomes. Want to know why their boyfriends are asking them for these things? Because they've been jerking off to hardcore porn on the internet from the age of 11. It is scary enough for a teenager to cope with sex, let alone when they have the images and culture of extreme hardcore porn defining what sex is to them.
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female
reader, pica +, writes (10 August 2006):
I'm sorry but I disagree on this one. Men and women generally speaking are wired differently. Women prefer emotional porn - crying at weepy films, love stories etc. Men don't see the attraction in that. The idea that your man should never have a sexual thought about another woman is just unrealistic. Thing is though, it doesn't mean to them what it means to women. I know there are porn addicts - get him out your life - who have an unhealthy interest but on the whole, guys like the female form. They like sex. They enjoy the thought of the two together. And if you make a fuss he'll just hide it. Surely they are entitled to their own thoughts, within reason??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2006): I'd much rather have sex with my girlfriend than look at porn but recently she stopped wanting to have sex as much. We used to have sex at least twice a day and now it's once a week if I'm lucky. Love and sex are synonymous in my mind so when I'm rejected it hurts me. That's why I started looking at porn. In my opinion it's not nearly as bad as her disgusting sexual history. It may be in her past but I'm the one who has to deal with knowing she screwed random guys out back at parties and had a threesome. She didn't show any self restraint and self discipline then so why should I now? Hasn't she devalued the whole experience of sex with her?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2006): Immuno, sweetie, You deserve so much better than a man who looks at porn...
Honestly I know you think you are doing the right thing but you have the right to expect the respect of your partner enough to save his eyes and lust for you beautiful body only. Please dont be cheated ...you may not feel you are being done wrong but YOU ARE...If you partner has the deire to look at other womens bodies cut him loose and find a man who desires ONLY you. Please dont let your self esteem be low enough to think that would never happen. There are wonderful men out there who would love and desire your body only...and who are not interested in porn believe me...you deserve one.
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female
reader, shibbydms121 +, writes (9 August 2006):
 look women know u will never meet that women so it does not bother them as much as if u were watching ur next door neighbor
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (9 August 2006):
 Porn is necessary for men with little or no imagination.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): Love is not about a menu.
A woman is more than some material to wank to.
Good, decent, self aware, caring, considerate men do not feel the need to use or rely on porn to fulfill their needs; the trust in and turn to the women they love.
An educated and respecful man who has a good and healthy view of his sexuality and how to love, respect, and honor a woman would see porn as distasteful and offensive.
Porn isn't healthy and stop saying such a thing as it is only a means to defend your porn viewing.
Porn is destructive. Ask the many children and spouses if this is true.
Porn is addictive. Talk to the many counsellors who see this day after day.
This in no way denotes to me that Porn is healthy and "normal".
It is amazing how so many people forget the meanings of the word self restraint, and self discipline.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): Life is too short to worry about porn!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): This is from a "good christian" guy's perspective. I am married, and I was so excited to get married because I thought for sure that it signifyed the end of wanting to see women nude. Thinking that getting married would solve this desire was foolish at best. To further complicate my problem, my wife a "good christian" likes to hide under the covers in bed, and only does missionary style. It is very frustrating. I thought that when I got married I would be having a somewhat open normal sexual realtionship. Now I am even more frustrated. To further complicate things I am only allowed to have sex once a week, maybe twice if I am lucky. NUTS! What about my needs? So to remain a "good husband" I use porn, and masturbation to keep my wife from feeling guilty, she doesn't know but I think she might suspect. Personally I don't feel bad with Jesus or my wife. The only alternatives are bug her about sex more... which leads to feeling rejected and alone... Instead of judging, and looking down on him, try to understand a little. I wish that I did not HAVE to look at porn but it is either that or a divorce, and my three kids need their dad more than my wife needs my virgin eyes...
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female
reader, immuno +, writes (9 August 2006):
 I find that every man, that I personally, have ever been around has enjoyed looking at all women in general (fully clothed, unclothed, big, little, it really doesn’t matter). I think this is totally natural. I do not want my partner to feel that he has to hide anything from me and I think I would find it difficult to trust a man that said he did not enjoy looking at a beautiful woman. I want to be with someone who can be honest with themselves as well as me. I love and respect my partner and I know what his likes and dislikes are, I have even gone so far as to point out women that I know he would enjoy looking at. I find it amusing and we can use that energy later on in our lovemaking. Some women would never allow this but I feel like it gives me the power to become every fantasy for him. The mind is our greatest sexual organ. Everyone has fantasies and as long as you are both comfortable with yourself and your relationship you can enjoy them together.
Good luck with finding the answers you are looking for!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): I wouldn't put up with a man looking at porn. I'm gonna get meself a nice christian man, who loves and puts Jesus first. INot all men are into porn, I've known a couple of friends who think it is bad and nasty and makes them feel sick (guys)
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): to the poster of this question, all i have to say is i totally agree, id like a man to try and live a day in a women's shoes, then they would realise the endless bullshit we have to put up with every day, perfection and porn is in our face every single day. I bet if the foot was in the other shoe and men where just seen as a piece of meat and images of perfection wher in there face all the time they would not last. i believe that men may have been made phyically stronger but women are alot more mentally stronger because i doubt men would be able to deal with what we do each day.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): If it was all about the sex and not the women then the women wouldnt all look like damn barbie dolls. Right?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): I don't like it, of course, but I do love him. I still want to make love with him because I love him and care for him, and he loves and cares for me. When I asked my guy why, he said that it wasn't so much him getting horny over other women, but the sex itself. He says he thinks of us when he looks at it since I can't be there with him (long term relationship, but we still do not live together). Either way, I believe that a 'real' guy doesn't need porn nor thinks women should look like porn stars. Guys will always be guys whether there is porn or not-its about finding a guy that can realize it's not everything.
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