A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Three of my boyfriend's close friends are getting married, two of which he is the best man. His boys have been raving about this bachelors eve parties for the past couple of months.I don't know how to behave or act. SHould I act cool about it or say something?I know what goes down at these parties and even though I trust my man, I still think the possibilities to misbehave is open to him.To all females, how do you behave when your man is attending a bachelors eve which you know its going to wild. Let me ask another question ahead of time, married women, how did you act or behave on your husband's bachelors eve. I am just trying to prepare my mind for it.And for the men, what are you guys thinking? Do you care or think about our bachelorette parties? Do you feel jealous or threatened? How did you behave? And can you share some of the secrets of what really goes down? Does sex happen 99% of the time?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2011): When I am first dating and we talk about getting 'serious' or 'long term'. I tell them there, what my expectations are. What monogamy and fidelity means to me. How I live and what I uphold and what I seek in a partner. I lay all the cards on the table about pornography, strippers, parties, wholesome recreation. Things I live and do to uphold the integrity of the relationship. Love, Honour, Respect.
Most of the men actually like that I know what I want, share similar beliefs and standars as I. So such things have never been an issue.
All because honest, open, adult communication has occured. I get asked why this or why that. It has everything to do with how My Parents Love and Uphold their Marriage Vows and Commitments to one another.
Usually it turns into a heavy discussion but speaking openly about things that matter to me and I hold dear; the spirit of truth of my words come across and thats usually when a man says- I sign on.
I happen to know a few male and female strippers and I will say, I have been told stories that for the right amount of money, it can turn into anything goes.
I don't classify such events or entertainment as something that promotes happy, healthy relationships and upholds fidelity. It certainly can become a place of temptation and with alcohol present (in Canada, some provinces have very STRICT laws that strippers and alcohol cannot be in the same room/bar/building To avoid sex crimes and financial scamming.) and the when in Rome attitude or what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, save the STI you take as a memento. ;)
Wisdom never seems to prevail over having a good time.
It comes down to what you think and feel about it and then having a deep, honest, open discussion about it with your partner.
When it comes to difficult topics, why not take it before a couples counsellor. This way you both can have your points of views discussed and validation occurs and you have a coach that will aid the both of you coming to a win/win decision.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2011): I think he is telling you that you are welcome to go because he knows you wont! Surprise his a** and show up to it! LOL ;) Guys are sneaky..... especially when they all get together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI turst him enough to let him go to a bachelors party but for some reason they are hyping up this bachelors party that is to take place after Newsyear. I was suppose to travel with my man but can't.I just read another comment on facebook where his boy is asking him if he is ready and his response is "You know how we do...It can go down just like your bachelor's party last year" . This was one of the ones that I heard was really wild last year where a stripper had a cigarette in her coochie and was smoking through her coochie. Just nasty.I remeber last five months ago, I went to visit my man for the weekend and to also accompany him to his friends wedding. Well I missed my flight that Friday and arrived late. I asked him why he wasn't at the bachelors party and he told me, he wanted us to go together. With bright full eyes I looked at him in dismay "Together?" I don't think i will be welcome there I said. He said he didn't care. And it was then that i told him I wouldn't have gone if he asked. Does this show that he really doesn't care enough about what goes on down there for him to want to bring me to such an event. I am perplexed so to speak about this.For those telling me to communicate. I don't know what to say. I can't tell him not to go because I don't want to control him. He is a grown man. And I feel like anytime you tell someone not to do something when they probably wasn't thinking to do anything that is when they will act on it just like a child.
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A
female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (17 December 2011):
 Well, if my boyfriend went, I'd probably have only one rule:
Dont F*** any prostitutes!
Other than that, I'd be ok with him going, and hopefully he understands the look but dont touch rule. Or at least, what I dont know wont kill him. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2011): I would not want my guy going to a batchlor party! Even if he doesn't have sex with a stripper, I wouldn't want him touching her or or vise versa. It's all about temptation...The combination of drinking & sexy women there is a no no in my book. Just my opionion... ;)
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (17 December 2011):
 Sometimes men do cross the line at bachelor parties. I am not saying all men cheat at these events (99% seems a bit high). However, usually adult entertainment exists, which usually means there is a stripper.
While not all strippers are prostitutes, I have heard of "extras" going on at such events. Usually it depends if the guys are willing to pony up the extra cash and the girl is willing.
For me, attending these types of bachelor parties is always a character call. I don't like putting temptation in my path, so I would personally avoid it (if there were strippers there). I know other people who are of religious nature who will go to the pre-stripper party of the party and leave when the goings get dubious.
This is one of those areas that are definitely open to discussion with your boyfriend. If you feel uncomfortable about it, bring it up. That's what communication is for. Some people are definitely okay with it, others not so much. Your boyfriend, if he is serious and shares the same morale values as you, will be able to come to some sort of agreement as to what is acceptable and what isn't.
Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2011): I agree, don't fret :) I think if you honestly trust your boyfriend, everything will be fine. If you think about it, temptation is around us all the time, sometimes in the unlikeliest of places. What matters is whether we give in or not. I'd treat this party as just another event. Arrange something nice for you to do during the evening, then tell your boyfriend to have fun, stay safe - and be good! I'm sure he won't let you down. Good luck and take care x
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2011): I personally tell my man to have a good night and enjoy himself. It is a party, and no sex does not happen 99% of the time. Stop worrying about it, you trust him and that is it. It is just a night out with the boys. In preparing yourself, just remember that he loves you and your the woman he wants to be with, and the one he comes home to.
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A
male
reader, eek  +, writes (17 December 2011):
 i think your worrying too much. Its just a party with a funky name. A time to just have some fun and unwind. Dont let it stress you out. Wish him a good time and let him go with his friends.
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