A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Would you consider a relatively young male to be dateable even if he is a 180 degrees from the hard party bad boy persona?I am not saying that I am weak, nor that I can't stick up for myself and who I care about. I simply have no interest in vices such as binge drinking, drug use, extremely casual sex, excessive smoking, or gambling. I do not like parties, bars and especially night clubs. Slaming my genitals into a girl's backside has never been my way of saying hello. The hardest partying I have ever done in my life is being at a few rock concerts and I am a 23 year old man to boot. My interests, passions, and hobbies include everything and anything but partying and living the ''carefree'' and ''young'' lifestyle. Is this a real turn off for any female under the age of 30?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): Thanks Ladies,
Hearing some honest encouragement from th opposite sex really made ne feel better about myself and gave me some real hope. I sincerely believed that I couldn't attract a mate for myself unless I became I party-boy. It's great to know that I am interesting enough as it is!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 August 2011):
 I am way over 30 but I feel qualified to answer being the mother of a guy around your age who is not a big party person.
It all depends from your- and their - idea of "fun". I'd say that many,many girls find the lifestyle you describe as fun as watching paint dry. And personally I'd be wary of any person that ,after an early, sort-of-mandatory "let's sow our wild oats " temporary phase, still identifies "fun" with drunken hook-ups, endless club hopping, and drugs and alcohol binges. A woman in her late 20s who is still fascinated by this scene and by the men into it, well... I don't want to say she sounds pretty desperate, but probably she won't be someone with substance and depth, someone INTERESTING. So, ...I wonder WHY is it a problem if this type of girls is not attracted to you- since, logically, you should not feel attracted to them except in a purely instinctive, animal way. Maybe you are just mingling, or tryng to mingle, with the wrong crowd. If the club scene is not the right one for you- just change scene. The world does NOT revolve around bars and clubs, even if it it may look like that to a superficial, lazy eye.
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A
female
reader, straight to the truth  +, writes (28 August 2011):
I am 27 and this would not put me off at all, your not boring like you seem to think you are simply into different things. I dont drink much , i dont smoke, i dont do drugs and i hate having a man come up to me and start grinding lol. I do however love going out for diners, cinema, i go out dancing but i normallydrink wanter and enjoy the company, i play darts, go swimming and I have loads of hobbies that dont include the things you have listed as non boring. The only problem you might have is actually meeting people because at your age it is the pubs and clubs where you are likely to find a girl. try dating sites instead ifyour having troubles meeting a girl. You have probably got it in your head that you are boring and therefore find it hard to speak with girls. Go out there and enjoy what you like to do and find a lady who wants to share your life and enjoy the same things. Accomodate the things she enjoys to and between the two of you you will get along great.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (28 August 2011):
 The fact that you are asking this question implies you've been having a hard time finding girls who will date you with those attributes (if I'm wrong about that, i apologize in advance).
This behavior does handicap you in one significant way - it's a lot harder to meet girls who are into that type, not because they don't exist, but because they don't tend to congregate in the more traditional venues for meeting chicks, and because they aren't as outgoing.
For instance, you go to a bar or a party, and most of the girls there will be into the more direct, openly sexual advances of the party-hard set. There will be more of them, so it's easier to play a numbers game and just grind on everything that moves until one eventually responds positively. And every girl is dressed up and moving around, drawing attention to herself.
Contrast the type that tends to like the more stable man you're describing - these girls aren't boring by any means, but they're more likely to have a small get-together with close friends than to put the word out that everyone in town should come to their house on Saturdays. They're less likely to be drawing attention to themselves, and they travel in smaller groups so you can't really just flirt with everything in sight. Their social circles are more tightly-knit and therefore tougher to get into. You might spot two at a bookstore or grocery store, dressed casually and engaged in quiet conversation, and it's tougher to approach those two than to pick one of a hundred bar skanks at random. If the quiet girls reject your overtures, there are no more opportunities in that venue; in a party or a bar, you can literally turn around and try again.
This is the apex fallacy at work - you're seeing the more visible minority and thinking it represents the majority.
The solution is to go to more everyday venues, or to join clubs and hobby groups, then take the time to carefully enter an existing nice-girl social circle so you can make your move there (as a bonus, a lot of them make pretty good friends). Don't get discouraged if you get shot down, just try again, perhaps with a new venue.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (28 August 2011):
 Its not really about doing the 3rd party things that make someone like you or find you fun. You don't need to drink out of a bottle to have a good time, and if someone tells you that, then they have problems. You don't need to do drugs, this or that. However, you do need to do stuff with your partner. Routine is the death of all relationships. Be spontaneous, and be willing to have adventures with her and just her. It is not like someone is saying kill yourself. They are saying do stuff with your partner. If you don't want to do drugs or drink (which is doing drugs) then fine, don't. Me personally, I don't do any of that stuff. However, I still am all about going out and doing random fun stuff with the woman I am with. Let's go to the beach and watch the waves. Let's go sneak around and have sex in restaurant bathrooms. Let's stay in and watch a movie and enjoy one another's company. You can do all of these things. Ultimately, what is important is that you want to spend time with your partner, make them feel wanted, and you feel wanted as well.Otherwise, what is the point?
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (28 August 2011):
 I'd pick you over a wild clubber any day! I mean, there's nothing wrong with going to clubs and parties if that's what one likes and plays it safe but I personally find that fun is versatile. I can have fun reading an awesome book, I can have fun hiking, I can have fun at the beach, I can have fun telling and hearing jokes. Fun, for me, is not just "going out." A party-boy would bore me fast. I'm under 23 and only have been to a club once and left twenty minutes later. Personally, I like simplicity. I think so much is overlooked when people quest for "fun." Trust me, a LOT of women love the idea of a man like you. Nice to know men like you are out there!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): No, not at all. I'm a 20 year old female, and have never had interested in drinking/smoking etc.
Thank goodness there are still men like you around!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 August 2011):
 No, this doesn't matter really. Well, depends on the girl of course, but out of my last 4 boyfriends only one was someone I could go out and party with, moderately. I still preferred to go on my own as he wasn't the same type of partyer as me. My last boyfriend isn't a guy who likes drinking (never gets drunk), doesn't dance, doesn't go out clubbing, is against drugs and will start an argument over it if someone brings the topic up, haha. He doesn't like concerts either, so you're more of a party person than he is even!
Anyway, it didn't matter to me, because he was my boyfriend and not my party-person. I have other people I party with, and a boyfriend doesn't need to join me. Being someone who likes to party or not doesn't define how "fun" you are. My exes were all fun. We had a blast together! That's why I got with them to begin with, because they all had a good sense of humour, knew how to enjoy themselves, were light hearted and could laugh easily, share things, and in general offer great company, someone I enjoyed spending time with.
If you've got a great sense of humour, then you are fun. No need to be a party-person.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): Guys who act the way you described (drinking, partying, etc.) do not fall into the "fun" category in my book. I would describe them as losers. Girls who are interested in them are the same type of people. But normal, decent girls are looking for normal, decent guys, and you sound like quite a catch.
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A
female
reader, TamyKarcz  +, writes (28 August 2011):
 Wow! Such guys still exists????? Consider yourself lucky! I would give anything to meet a guy like you...and yes i am under 30! I am actually 20 and i would kill to encounter more guys who think and act like you! Story of my life: the good guys are either taken, gay, or tooo far away! Oh well....So there! You're perfect the way you are, trust me girls may like bad-BOYS, but they LOVE to have a MAN by their side. And you're the MAN! Good luck in finding someone who will appreciate your approach and attitude!!! (i know i would)Good luck! ^_~
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): You are exactly the kind of man I would go for. Thank heavens somebody like you exists!I - like you - refuse to date anyone my age(25) because all they want to do is drink, smoke, club there life away were as I have ambitions. I prefer to save for holidays abroad, take up new courses, and do usefull things with my life.For this reason I have always gone for older men who are mature enough to see me for more than just a 'bore'. I have lots of fun in other ways, I have a great sense of humour and can interact without being bladdered out of my skull! Sadly I feel nowadays most people in our age group can't and maybe that's why they feel the need to waste there life away when they could be spending there time and money more wisely and concentrating on the next 10 years rather than the next weekend!I'm so glad you wrote that question, its made me happy to know there is somebody else like me in my age group with goals.Good luck finding a respectfull young lady who will be very greatfull for your sensible attitude towards life. I'm proud of you x
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (28 August 2011):
 My husband has the same ideals as you and he was and is my perfect match. I was 20 when I met him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): Okay, I am not age 30 I have to admit (I'm 40), but 10 years ago you still would have been my type. It sounds like you should be looking for an intelligent and deep young woman, as not all of us are into that kind of shallow foreplay. And you're very funny with that comment on "not considering slamming your genitals into someone's back as a way of saying hello." There are plenty of young women who have interests other than what they're being fed by the media...outdoors, hiking, art, cafes, hiking, reading, writing, watching intelligent movies, etc. I remember in my 20s I was attracted to a guy that I ran into every now and then - he was funny and attractive...and then when I found out that all he did was go to clubs on weekends (and even weeknights) to drink, dance and meet people I was completely turned off. The guy owned like 4 books. I've always been like this, and am considered "attractive" so I assume there are plenty of other young women out there who are not into the club scene and like to get to actually know people, not drunkenly scream and laugh at strangers over deafeningly loud music.
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A
female
reader, babu3u +, writes (28 August 2011):
 No way! Not all girls consider someone who parties a fun person. I guess I am boring too. Because I don't party, have casual sex, Nor do drugs and do Not drink alcohol. Hahaha Everyone has different perspective of what fun is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): Okay so I am 30 but I will answer that I personally have never been a fan of any of the things you mentioned: binge drinking, drug use, extreme casual sex, smoking anything, parties, bars or night clubs. I do like to gamble and let loose but not a constant. And by no mean do I want someone to slam their genitals to my backside. Hold out and I know you will find someone who will appreciate you for you!
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