A
female
age
36-40,
*taved_2009
writes:hi i am the one with the lack of oral stimulation and a man with premature ejaculation problems.i have asked for what want and why i dont get any,yet, it he wants me to give him oral.and he tells the reason he dont do it is because he dont want.im completely clean and everything and yet i cant figure out why.we have done whole toys thing and it dont work.he wont go to the doctor for it.any help would be better this joke our sex life is rapidly becoming..........
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female
reader, staved_2009 +, writes (28 February 2009):
staved_2009 is verified as being by the original poster of the question i give up on men.lol.they are such complwx creatures.lol
A
male
reader, Guitarist  +, writes (25 February 2009):
 Actually its a fear of throwing up, i used to love giving oral (apart from the taste) until it made me ill, AND IT WASN'T A DAMN STD! so i looked it up online etc and found out i wasn't the only person who'd experienced it. why people are saying i'm stupid etc for what i've experienced, i don't know.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 February 2009):
 Sexually incompatible; he won't 'assist' you in any way to have your own pleasure; he won't discuss it; he won't go to the doctor; he is indifferent to your distress about this. Hmmm. I have a couple of thoughts for you.
He's a selfish pig. Or he has a phobia.
Or another possibility that has just occurred to me is that he is actually a closeted gay man and can't keep up the pretense of being attracted to your body any longer. That could explain the demand for oral sex and the rush to finish during vaginal intercourse. Then he doesn't want anything to do with your genitals beyond that. Oral sex on you would then be something to be avoided completely. I know that's a stretch but you might add it to the pile of things to consider.
Look, you are clearly at the end of your rope here. He doesn't seem to be demonstrating any willingness to assist you with your sexual pleasure. I don't see anything for it but to go to a sex therapist, and actually I think it should be a couples counselor. You've tried all the obvious stuff, you're angry as hell and he's indifferent or avoiding the whole issue. What else can you do?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009): I think we're all a little confused Stave 2009 as to why he won't do it and won't even give you a reasonable explanation.
One thing no-one here is confused about though is that you shouldn't be ashamed of your body, this is his issue with himself, it's very possible that, like Guitarist he has some weird, irrational fear of the Vagina.
I never thought that possible until Guitarist proved me wrong, perhaps it's a phobia, like the fear of heights or something.
My only suggestion is to seek help for the premature ejaculation thing, it seems that's the only way he'll be willing to give you an orgasm, if he refuses this too, then you'll have to consider what kind of future you're going to have with this guy.
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A
male
reader, Guitarist +, writes (25 February 2009):
If he's being like that....LEAVE HIM. He sounds like an idiot who doesn't deserve anything from you. Sorry about my previous replies, just get wound up when people contradict themselves (satin) if she wants argue more she can message me cause it's not fair to be arguing on someone else question.
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A
female
reader, staved_2009 +, writes (25 February 2009):
staved_2009 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am not being selfish.i do what he wants me to do in bed.ive tried edible flavored lubes,toys,dirty talk,and nothing has worked.he still is coming too soon,i havent had a full blown orgasm with my husband in a month.i do not think it right that he can satisfy his needs and not my own.i do realize all men are different but he has not given me a reaonable excuse as to why he wont go down on me. im disease free(always have been)i completely clean and trim everyday.when he did it i let him know that i loved it and now..nothing.im not ranting, i just feel hurt and confused and ashamed about my body because of it..any real help would be nice.not one-sided nonsense.i do appreciate the replies to my pleas of help.
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A
male
reader, Guitarist +, writes (20 February 2009):
i said you're being selfish for demanding oral. and about the mucus part, would you lick someones runny nose? something tells me you wouldn't.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 February 2009):
It sounds to me that you are sexually incompatible with your guy. The lack of interest in your pleasure is a problem, as from what you write, he doesn't particularly care one way or the other.
You have to decide now, you've given him a year to 'improve.' Are you happy with things as they are? Because this is as good as it's ever going to get.
If you decide that you will stick with him, I really hope that we don't see you posting again a year from now, with the same complaint.
He's happy with things the way they are. You are not. You cannot change the way he feels or acts, it seems to me. So it really is up to you. I don't know what else to advise, you've done all the obvious stuff and I expect have had many discussions with him.
He's not going to change. You either have to accept that and cope with it or you need to move on. It doesn't sound like there's a middle ground here.
To the uncle who vomits and gets sick, perhaps it would be best that you get yourself checked out to make sure you're healthy? Because I have not heard of this as being a problem, and I have a suspicion that the issue lies in you, not in the act or the women. There is something else going on, I think, perhaps a phobia?
Good luck, both of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009): Seriously Guitarist, what are you on about? Do you go down alley's and look for homeless drunken women to eat out or something?
I've never heard of anyone becoming seriously ill from cunnilingus and I really can't see how it's possible to get "severe stomach cramps and vomiting" from it either, I mean a womans natural lubricant is mucus, the same stuff that you get when you have a runny nose, do you get seriously ill from that too?
I'm not making fun of you Guitarist, I think if this is really happening to you, you should go see a doctor. Cos giving head is a beautiful gift you are really missing out on.
As for you staved 2009 "it's not the same"? What the hell does he mean by that? That's as lame as the "I don't want to" excuse, I don't understand his reluctance at all. Basically he gets his and he doesn't care whether you get any at all. That's a strange concept to me, I don't understand how he can be so non-chalant about it.
Sounds like you've exhausted your options and he won't give you a reasonable explanation at all, time to buy yourself a really good vibrator.
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A
female
reader, staved_2009 +, writes (19 February 2009):
staved_2009 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionStill nothing as of late.been a year and counting for me an im frustrated.ive demanded, tried tricking him,withheld oral from him.nothing.he still orgasms before i do.i havent had a full orgasm in a week and that with masterbating.he still comes right before i get off and im left unsatisfied.he wont get me off after he has because he says its not the same.
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A
male
reader, Guitarist +, writes (18 February 2009):
so its not fair when you can become seriously ill from giving it? giving a woman oral can give severe stomach cramps and vomiting. and you're saying you wouldn't date a guy who refused to give you oral? sorry but that is unbelievably selfish.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): For comprehensive information on PE and on Priligy please visit:www.pehomepage.com
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): SatinDesire is right male anon, you must have been with some filthy women, it's not fair enough to ask for oral and not be willing to return the favour.
Even if you don't like the taste there are ways around that, such as ensuring cleanliness and flavoured lube.
Personally I love the taste, but everyone is different, ask him why he won't and not "wanting to" is an unacceptable answer there must be a reason. When you know what it is you can work out a solution.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): dont you think you're being slightly selfish as well? all your question was just a rant about what you're not getting. if he doesn't want to give oral then fair enough, have you tasted a vagina? it's not very pleasant to be honest. and if you dont want to give him oral, then dont.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): stop giving him oral
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): He is being completely selfish!! My ex was exactly the same, he would do it but not for long and then he would get bored and want to go straight into sex. Similarly to you, when we did have sex it was over VERY quickly and I started to get the feeling he didn't even care as every session would become a quicky when i knew he could last longer as he had in the past!It was very frustrating for me and i would have to supress this, yet it was hard as like you it was the only thing that made me come. He used excuses too such as it hurt his tongue going for so long (!!) even tho i gave him head til my jaw practically locked!! As you probably realise, withholding oral from him won't do much to solve the problem as he can come easily in other ways such as sex so he'll never realise the full frustration. I tried using flavoured lube on each other which worked a bit.I think the problem is they say they are sorry for coming too quickly yet they refuse to do the one thing they could do to truly make up for it which makes you think they're not really sorry or that bothered atall! He is being stubborn and selfish because he knows you will put up with it and he is still getting what he wants. This might sound harsh to some people but in my case i put up with it for a long time and acting like it didnt matter until one day i had it out with him and told him i was fed up with the quickies and that he was being selfish. It seemed to get through to him and things were much better after that x
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A
male
reader, anoms +, writes (17 February 2009):
 thats unfortunate, if he has premature issues he really should look to please you in other ways aswell, i would suggest making a deal so you both get what you want but if you were to stop giving him oral then their really wouldnt be that much foreplay going on then would there. all i can say is tell him you really are'nt getting off on any of it, give the outlines of these issues and your lack of enjoyment, and be firm that you two have to meet in the middle somwhere or you will be put off with having sex, well gudluk.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): If he won't give you oral then don't give him oral, it's as simple as that.
I mean he's making no attempt to make sure he pleasures you at all so why should you pleasure him?
As far as premature ejaculation goes, I can understand his reluctance to find help, it is quite an embbarassing problem.
But that's no excuse for him not to even try and satisfy your needs, he sounds very selfish, I mean I've come too fast a couple of times, it happens to every guy once in a while, but I go straight down and give head, that way it's less embarrassing and not as big a deal.
There really is no point in satisfying him if he's too selfish to reciporicate, so until he learns to consider your needs he should be satisfied with having his hand as his only lover.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): perhaps he thinks its disgusting. well i have 2 solutions for u my dear:1. dont give him any unless he gives u some.2. get a new bf like mine who loves to eat me .good luck!
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