A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im 19 yrs old and i just found out that im pregnant. I was taking the pill, have been for 3 mos. Idk how but i must have taken it wrong or maybe it just failed. Anyways my current bf and i have been dating 8mos. He is rather self absorbed, and is very needy as in needs me to cook clean, do his laundry he cant take care of himself. We live together, we rent. I work his parents pay his rent and pay 4 him to go to school. My dad helps me buy food when i need help, i pay my own rent. I daresay i love my bf, i think its more of an infatuation or was. I was considering breaking up with him and moving.( he doesnt treat me like a person, more like a thing hes also terribly addicted to porn) My mom and my bf want me to have an abortion, my dad supports any decision i make. Idk what to do. My bf is hounding me w abortion. Please help adoption or abortion? Or keep the bby?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2012): I was 18 when I got pregnant from a no good boyfriend.
I actually was considering to keep the baby, adoption wasn't an option for me, because I knew thAt I wouldn't be able to give up my baby.
I had an abortion when I was at 4 weeks.
It wasn't a drama for me. I felt relief, and felt like I made a smart decision.
Then I went on with my life. Finished college, met my husband when I was 21, and 2 years later at the age of 23, with college behind me had a healthy beatifull baby girl. There is proper time for everything. To have a baby without a husband, or sufficient income to raise a child is irresponsible decision. Its hard as it is to raise a child, but to make it even harder is just doesn't seem smart to me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2012): The only decision or opinion that matters here is yours. Not your mom's nor your boyfriends.From the sounds of it, you're not financially stable, but then again neither was I when I had my son at nineteen. I chose to keep mine much to the dismay of everyone else.This is an intensley personal decision and shouldn't be taken lightly.I believe it's the woman's right to choose, I could never do an abortion and I couldn't part with my son when he was born, so I kept him.This is up to you. WEigh all the pros and cons, don't factor your moms or your bf's wants/needs into your decision.Although I would consider kicking him out of your life. I know that's harsh and really hard to do when you love someone, but he doesn't sound good for you.He sounds like a needy child that is handed everything. Can you handle having two children if you decide to keep the baby?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2012): Adoption. But if you decide to keep the baby I think it would be better for everyone involved if your bf signs away his parental rights. He does not want this baby, he has made that clear so even if you do want to keep the baby its not fair to force him into fatherhood just because you want motherhood. Therefore if you keep the baby you should release your bf from all legal obligations to it and go it alone.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2012): Slightly disagree with consensus in that you shouldn't be making the decision strictly based on what you believe is best for you, you should be considering what is best for the child, which from the kid's POV may be much different. a.) Would you want to be born as the unwanted, unplanned result of failed birth control to an unmarried teenager involved in a dysfunctional short-term shack-up relationship with a self-absorbed, needy, immature, unemployed student who literally can't take care of himself and is still financially dependent on his parents?b.) Or would you rather be brought home as the newborn child of two loving, stable, mature, married adults secure in themselves and their relationship; established in their lives and careers; and who can immediately provide the happy, secure, nurturing home every child deserves?c.) Or would you rather just not be born at all?If abortion is an option for you, then tough call between "b" and "c." In any event, from a kid POV I've already eliminated "a."Don't mean to be unkind, just realistic, but you are in absolutely NO position to even consider keeping this child as you are currently incapable of providing the basic necessities of life for yourself. As a young woman dealing with an unwanted preganncy, you must choose best way for you to overcome this unhappy traumatic event and move on with your life. With that in mind, I'll make another consensus unanimous: dump the loser boyfriend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2012): I echo the thoughts of the others, the only advice we can give you is to abort the boyfriend out of your life.
As regards your pregnancy you need to research all that yourself.
Think about things like what are your finances like if you have a baby.
Do you want this guy in your life forever which he will if you share a child?
Where will you live? Work? Will you be able to do all the things you dream of?
What's your life going to be like for the child for the next 18 years?
What happens if that child is born severely disabled?
As far as adoption goes you have to consider the mental aspects of knowing you gave birth to a child and gave it away, knowing that it may come back as an adult and want to know why. Always wondering whether it's happy or being abused or what.
As far as abortion goes that can be exceptionally tough mentally too. You need to understand the procedures and have some sort of support waiting should you need it afterwards. a lot of women find it very tough to deal that removal of cells from their body.
Now while this is your decision alone I think you need to talk to someone in detail about all the above things and all the different scenarios, perhaps a doctor, counsellor or go in to your local family planning clinic and ask to speak to someone there.
But dump the douche OP, he doesn't get a say in what happens here, your body and your choice whether to have a baby or not, he made his choice when he came inside you.
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A
female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (13 September 2012):
 Yes, like everyone else has said, this is your decision to make.
I've been in your shoes, and everyone who knew was telling me to get an abortion. It's quite depressing on top of all the emotions you're already feeling. In the end, that's the road I chose to take and I don't regret it. It was the right choice for ME.
I agree with those who have told you to lose the boyfriend. You have pretty much replaced his mother, and that's not the role you should be taking as his girlfriend. He doesn't seem very supportive about the pregnancy, and you have already determined what you felt for him was infatuation. The last thing you need right now is a guy who doesn't treat you right and spends more time whacking off in front of a computer screen than he does with you. He's definitely not the one.
My suggestion is to really take some time to think about what it is you want. Talk to your doctor about what your options are. My doctor was very helpful and very informative, but most importantly he was neutral. He didn't give an opinion, but he listened.
It's such a hard decision and I really feel for you. If you ever want to talk, feel free to pm me.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 September 2012):
 I too agree with YouWish. This (as tough as it is) is your DECISION.
But I would, no matter WHAT you decide, dump the BF.
If you decide to keep the baby is he ready and willing to help? Can you take care of a baby on your own? ( I seriously doubt he will be of much use)
If you decide to adopt, is he willing to sign the papers for it? Do you think YOU can do it?
And last but not least, if you do decide to abort, make sure you find a counselor, because you will need one afterwards, same with adoption.
It is a lot to think on, but YOU need to be the one making this decision.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (12 September 2012):
 I agree with Youwish. The decision you are facing is one that YOU and ONLY you should make. We here on DC don't know you except the little that you tell us. This isn't a decision that total strangers should make for you. I can tell you that having a child at a young age is VERY difficult. I know, I had a baby when I was 19. I accidentally got pregnant like you, got married, and had the baby. My marriage fell apart within a year and 1/2, the ex husband ran off, and I was left fending for myself and a small infant. It wasn't at all easy. Thank God I have a very caring and understanding family..mom, sister, dad and grandmother to help me. I never would have made it without them. I managed to put myself through college and work, but trust me, it wasn't easy at all. I was not ready or prepared to have a child, I know I wasn't mature enough, but I managed.
What you have to do is think about where do you see yourself for the next 18 years? Because that is how long you will be LEGALLY responsible for a child.
I'd forget about the guy, he sounds like someone that you certainly can't count on.
Talk to your parents, search your heart...what do you really want??
I wish you all the best, you have a very difficult decision ahead of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2012): I'm sorry for your situation. While a baby should be a happy event, when you're not ready, it is scary. Think long & hard before you make a decision. I remember when my young son told me his girlfriend was pregnant, I was so upset & couldn't stop crying. I now have a beautiful granddaughter & I thank God for her every day. You don't realize how much you will love this child. Sometimes you don't see the blessing in a difficult situation. I think of that song "there goes my life"... I wish you all the best.
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female
reader, _crystalxo  +, writes (12 September 2012):
Do not think about what your mother or boyfriend want...Think about what you want. It sounds like you are wondering whether or not to do the abortion based on the relationship with your boyfriend. A baby will not save the relationship but it is not impossible to be a single mother. Your boyfriend sounds useless because if you are taking care of him like how you explained hes sounding more and more like a child himself. he is hounding you because he doesnt like responsibilities and he doesnt want this baby with you. Think about what YOU want and whats best for you and this baby
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 September 2012):
 There's no one in the world who can make that decision but you. This is one of the questions where we're just not qualified to advise you, nor should we in the matter of your pregnancy.
However, the matter of your boyfriend is open season. You should have already broken up with him if he's this bad. What are you waiting for? And why are you spending a penny on his education in the first place?
Whatever your intentions are with your pregnancy, you need to drop this guy and never go back to him. He is using you, and 8 months is much too soon to live together as it is.
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