A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 20 and my boyfriend is 21. We are planning on getting married but have been putting it off so that we can save for a big wedding. We both want children one day but my issue is, I just found out that I am pregnant...right now. So, I'm struggling with the idea to keep or abort. We already own a home and he has a pretty well paying career for his age, but I am unemployed and am afraid we may not be financially stable to care for another human life that constantly needs our attention. I don't want to wait too long to have children because I would like to still be young when they are grown and have children of their own but at the same time I worry that I may miss out on my "young years" right now and that maybe I should wait until after I finish college (2 years for accounting). Anyone have any advice?
View related questions:
want children, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): Im 19 and im pregnant and when i found out i decided to get an abortion cuz i know i abou afford to give my baby the life it deserves right now but i know i will have another chance to have a baby when im ready financially it took me some weeks to come to this decision but i know its the right thing to do and if you have any more doubts i found this website that helped me make my final decision w/o feeling bad bout it cuz not every woman does and i think you should check it out its called imnotsorry.net and its hundreds of stories of woman who weren't ready to have babies and had abortion but were able to have kids once they were ready and no abortion doesn't sterilize you no matter what they say . . . But good luck either way you go do whats gon be best 4 you in the long run - thats what im doing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): Hi
I'm a fairly regular 'Aunt' on this board, but wanted to keep my anonimity this time.
I have been where you are now. I was 19 and my, now husband, was 25 when I found out I was pregnant 7 years ago. For various reasons - financial, not feeling ready etc, we decided to terminate the pregnany.
I pretty much blocked it out over the years and eventually after 6 happy years we married.
I fell pregnant again - and that was when my termination came back to haunt me. We now have a beautiful son, but I look back and question the strength of my reasons for ending the life of my first child. I feel my son should have an older brother or sister and I feel sick that my other child is not here with us.
Even though it seemed right at the time, I look back and deeply regret what I did and, although I will NEVER tell you what to do - all I will say is think very long and very hard before making your decision.
There are always ways to manage if you have your child, but if you don't - you will never be able to turn back the clock and you need to be sure that you will be OK and able to live with your decision afterwards.
Sending you lots of hugs xx
...............................
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (13 October 2008):
 I was faced with this situation myself. I read in a book how somebody else dealt with it and it worked for me - close your eyes and visualize yourself without the baby. If you are breathing a sigh of relief - an abortion may be better for your life situation. If you feel sadness, regret without the baby, that's your heart telling you to keep the baby.
An abortion is YOUR CHOICE. You can take others opinions into consideration, but there is no shame in making the calls in your life for your situation. An abortion may be the best thing for you and ultimately - your baby. Bringing a child into the world when you aren't prepared isn't fair to yourself or to the child.
Having a child is a challenge, but a blessing. You can find ways to make your life go on, you can get that accounting degree - you'll just have to shift around your life a bit. It will still be attainable. You and your husband may find yourselves happier than ever with a little baby in the household and you can begin to build your family a little sooner than expected.
Just reminding you that the decision is between you and your fella. Consult your doctor, or head to a Planned Parenthood (love those guys) and talk about your options. They sometimes have counseling services available to help you in your decision.
Good luck, my darling. You sound like a smart girl with a great guy... and you two will no doubt have a wonderful life with a baby now or a little while down the road.
xx
India
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2008): Dear Poster
This is a very difficult decision that you and your partner need to make; probably the most difficult in your life until now; however, what ever you decide it will have an impact on your life; I don't want to influence you and merely want to stress to you; you and your partner need to COMMUNICATE about this and about your FEELINGS openly and honestly; COMMUNICATION now is VITAL; if you don't share all your feelings and thoughts with each other now, it might cause problems such as blame and regret;
PLEASE think about your decision and discuss it with each other; it is your lives and your future; you need to FOCUS on what will be the best for ALL concerned. Do not make the decision in a rush; if need be, if you are in doubt or have a difference of opinion; seek counseling; take good care and think carefully before you make an decision.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Lots of hugs and SMILES.
Please keep us posted.
...............................
A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (13 October 2008):
 He has a good job,you have a home,you love each other. Most couples starting out don't have anything but Love. If he has some insurance that will help for medical needs during the time the baby is comming and after it's birth. Just a note....Some people are never really fincial stable for lots of reasons and have housefull of children. I had 4 brother's and 3 sisters. Mom and Dad married after only a few months and lived together for over 38 years. Dirt poor we were yet most of my family have nice homes, cars, etc. Most of us own or have owned business'. Get put your mind to it and do your best. You will do fine. God provides.
If you want to become an accountant you can go to school while while you are pregnant or put it off until after the baby's birth. Many of the top colleges and training facilities have childcare on their campus. Check and find out your options.
A big wedding is nice, I had one, but getting married at a courthouse the second time around made me just as married and just as happy. When you love someone where you get married is not as important as if they love you too and if you both are committed to the marriage.
Having an abortion is something that can cause emotional, physical or mental health problems. It's a personal choice based upon how you feel at the time. There are many things to consider. Remember that this baby is a PART of two people who LOVE one another. It's a big decision and should never be taken lightly. Take time to really discuss all of the pros and cons. Consider all options before you decide. It's a decision that will affect you for the rest of your life.
If you decide to have the baby, you can always have a nice wedding, just have a cut down version and when you are in a better financial situation, say 5 or 10 years ...Renew those vows and the baby can be in the wedding! You can even opt to have the baby and have the wedding soon after with baby there. So many ways to get married and only one way to have this Speical Little Angel, a gift from God. Just a note..sometimes when abortions are preformed it causes severe depression, or other physical and mental health problems. Sometimes it prevents you from ever carrying again. Pray about this and choose from your heart.(what is truely best for everyone concerned)
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
...............................
A
female
reader, logan reeves  +, writes (13 October 2008):
Well you are both so young, and i understand that you may not think that you are stable enough to have this baby.
But there are alot of other couples in your situation but are alot worse of. I personally was brought into a world when i only had a mum who didnt work and was only 17. And she hadno family either. But she worked hard and by the time i was 3 we had everything we could ever have wished for. You and your parner can make this work. My advice is to keep the baby ... just because you are not sure if you are stable enough or not doesnt mean that you can't give this baby a chance.
Also an having an abortion is not only a strain physically it is also hard mentally .
please go and see a doctor, he/she will beable to give you more advice and will talk with you through your options
...............................
A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (13 October 2008):
 Write out a lists of pros and cons of having the child. Take into consideration how you will feel after the abortion. I mean you are potentially getting rid of a child you will never again have a chance to meet.
Personally I wouldn't have an abortion. Morally the baby is half me and I could never make a decision to end my childs life. It is an alien concept to me. That doesn't mean to say you dont and even though I will not understand if you do take a decision like that I would be the last person to judge cause it is your body, your life, your genes.
If you decide to abort then make sure to talk and stay open with your partner as abortions have been known to break relationships up.
If you decide to keep it, I still suggest staying open and talking with your partner. Look into all your finances and see if there is anywhere you can make cutback. Anyone that can help you with taking care of the baby till you finish schooling and get a job.
What ever decision you make there will be consequences and hopefully you will figure out which one suits you best.
Goodluck
HonningKanin
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2008): It depends on what you can live with. If you chose to end the pregnancy, will it haunt you? Or will you know it was what you had to do? What does your guy think? Make sure you get his true feelings. I have been where you are, and terminated the pregnancy. My husband and I already had 2 children, and we truly didn't feel we could afford another. It was the most painful thing I have ever been through in my life, I was 27 at the time. I always wonder "what if"?? So think carefully dear, because once its done..its done. In my heart, I know we would have made the same decision, but even after all this time, 20 years later, its still a very painful memory. Having a child can be so scary, no matter how old you are, but if you want a child young, perhaps you should just go ahead and have it. Please weigh all the options. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Desertsreign +, writes (13 October 2008):
first off think of the unborn child..she/he didtn ask to come into this world...if you do not feel up to raising the baby then adoption is an option..babies are a very precious thing and struggling people even make it too ..i am a single mo of two kids attending college and on welfare.. i love my kids an dthey are my world they might not have the best life right now but they do have the best love... money isnt everything...i am working to get a good job so my girls can have a good life they are 5 months and 16 months ...but if you are not ready to be a mom dont put your kid through that many moms out there dont treat kids the way they deserve to be treated cause there moms wasnt ready to have them...but truely consider adoption if you do not want the child there are plenty of familes that want a child so bad but cant concieve....on another note getting an abortion can mess your body up and could cause you to never be able to concieve again..not to mention the regret and what ifs yo uwill face later
...............................
|
