A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:For anyone with an interest in psychology/human behavior, I'd LOVE to hear your opinions. I'm a sensitive person and usually have a pretty good gut instinct bout people. My new neighbors, a married 50's couple, put my stomach in knots!Firstly, so you understand the whole picture. My partner and I are private, quiet people. We enjoy hanging out at home - live a quiet life. Not nosy.Our neighbors driveway looks onto our yard. I usually see whatever's happening on their driveway because my kitchen looks onto it and I cook A LOT. Here's a list of the weirdness:When they first moved in, I was gardening and saw the husband, wheeling his garbage bin down the driveway. I went to my gate and introduced myself and welcomed him to the neighborhood. He was polite enough, but seemed annoyed I'd spoken to him. From that day forward, he NEVER wheeled his bin down the driveway again in the daytime. I hear it being wheeled down at midnight.I saw the wife a couple of hours later and said hello, she ignored me.. but I thought maybe she didn't hear me, so I didn't take it personally.That evening, they were walking down the driveway and we were in our yard, so we waved out and said hello, since we hadn't greeted the lady yet. She yelled HELLO!!!! as abruptly as she could. The WORD was "hello" but it sounded more like "P-SS OFF"Of course, these things are so minor so I thought I was just being paranoid. A few days later, the lady was pulling into her driveway and I was shutting my front gate. I looked over to give her a wave, and she suddenly turned her head, in the opposite direction and just sat there, like that, till I turned away. They walk in the evening. Sometimes I'm walking my dog at that time. If they see me, they hide. Yes, hide. One time, they hurried to the end of the street and stood with their back to me, looking over their shoulder to check when I was back up my driveway. They wouldn't have known I even saw it, but I felt horrible afterwards! Another time, they saw me and quickly turned away and hurried in the other direction, and then when I turned the corner, and my back was to them, they ran down the street and up their driveway. I actually came home feeling pretty upset after that. If one of them walks down the driveway during the day, they will crouch and hide behind our plants. It looks so wierd! If they are coming down their driveway to walk in the evening and they see me in my garden, they will begin talking really loudly to each other banter at the top of their voices while ignoring my presence. I can't explain it but it sounds like they're putting on a show, like they want everyone to see how happy they are. I always feel terrible whenever I see them because they so blatantly ignore me and treat me as though I'm diseased. Has anyone ever had neighbors like this? All our other neighbors are like us.. quiet, polite, they smile and wave. I have been obsessing a bit bout this, as you can tell, because I can't figure out why they'd go to such lengths to avoid me, when I only said hello a couple of times. Oh, and they never sleep. They are up with all their house lights on ALL NIGHT. They're basically nocturnal and only come out in the dark. I'm always wracking my brains to try and figure out why they have a problem with me. As you can tell, I've really let it get to me. Any similar experiences with weirdos?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2022): Wow. That's unbelievably antisocial behavior! Quite rightly I'd feel disturbed to live over the fence from people like that. Hiding from you after you tried to greet and welcome them... PATHETIC.
The fact you're even worrying it's something you've said, please don't. You did nothing at all wrong. I agree with your followup posts OP. That people would turn on you and pick apart your behavior is laughable. Even private people should e able to manage a smile. We are supposed to be a community for Pete's sake.
Of course you'd show an interest in who lives in close proximity to you. I'd be worried for my safety if I lived next to people that treated me with such disdain for no reason!
Hold your head high. Private people or not, they should have been grateful you were kind and welcoming. Revolting lot of answers on this one.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2022): What you don't say is you're shy and reserved because if you was you would have recognised this couple find it uncomfortable that in a short space of time you appearing and going out your way several times in a short space unnerved them. By the way you describe it and as you say honestly they think you are always there, even down to we cook A LOT indicates you are saying you are always in the kitchen and I think your way of saying always in the kitchen and if not there always in your garden and by your own admission your blinds being open to peek at them. I've lived next to neighbours like you in which I'll go out to my garden with no noise and suddenly the neighbour is there, just wandering around and if you are a private person it's annoying. I've also lived next to neighbours who are genuinely just out in their garden doing their own thing and neither of us disturb each other except for a smile and a nod and IF we want to a chat but with neither being obtrusive. You've unnerved them, they must have their reasons for not wanting to talk even if it's just they are plain shy.Leave them be, allow them to live their own lives, stop trying to speak to them, almost certainly stop trying to look and work out their movements because nothing you have said suggests they are doing anything that concerns you.Peace out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2022): OP based on your follow up replies and I haven't given my opinion before as just read your question. I think unfortunately it seems they may have decided you appeared frequently to say hello and based on their own reasons which really could be a number of things they are not wanting the interaction. If as you say this is their behaviour then its their problem not yours.
My dad got stabbed in the neck many years ago by his next door neighbour and unsurprisingly my parents didn't interact with neighbours at all, that was twenty years ago and it's only been very recently they have started to trust and be friendly with what are now decent neighbours.
They aren't hurting you, they are wanting privacy and for whatever reason they don't want to speak, from my own personal experience I also limit interaction with neighbours, you simply don't know their story.
My advice is don't make a point of ignoring them just learn to understand that they may have genuine reasons and honestly the more you fret about this I've noticed the more you are likely to see them. Just keep a neutral reaction, don't try and work out their movements by looking, quite honestly if they think you are being overly attempted to interact with them they may very well have seen you peeking, sorry but you may actually be unnerving them!
I don't agree with blanking them if eventually they calm down and say hello, just accept that they must have their reasons, live your own life and let them live theirs, so long as they are trying to be private it's of no concern how they choose to live it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2022): One of the posters on 18 Feb was plain disturbing. A sick person's perspective on the matter, complete with accusations I'm lying. It did help. I need reminding at times some humans are empty voids - no feelings, emotions, empathy. I was 100% honest in my question. I described EVERYTHING that happened and omitted nothing.I'm so sorry for your poor neighbor, who was visiting you searching for some companionship. You did the right thing though. I hope she can find a genuine heart to connect with. There is something wrong with you, fundamentally, and she needed to know that.To the other poster from 18 Feb, thank you. Thank you for sharing your similar experience, and for your kind words to me. Appreciated you taking the time to write.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2022): ConfusedCarrie84,
What was the point of your post? It's an advice website. ConfusedCarrie84, I think you should question the reasons for your own strange behavior.
While I've thanked everyone for their advice and perspectives, as that's what I asked for, I was surprised to hear so many say MY behavior is the problem and I'm not 'respectful'?
Because I said hello to new neighbors? Because I felt hurt when these people ran and HID from me? Because I wanted, then, to find out who these people, I share a fence with, are?
Shows how sick society is... that people would believe someone who says hello and then feels hurt when people run away from them and hide, is the weird one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2022): I can relate.
I have neighbours like this, unbelievably rude to me and my partner yet seem to have all the time in the world for everyone else.
So a short while ago I started doing the exact same thing back to them. I walk straight past them and don't acknowledge their existence. Suddenly once I did that they started to say hello...by that time though i'd used up all my kindness and I just carry on my life now as if they're invisible.
You sound a little bit like me - nice to people for the sake of it. Too worried about what people think to be anything but 'nice'. Unfortunately, there are extremely rude people out there who don't deserve your nice side and i'd say these neighbours of yours fall into that category.
So I dare you to do this - pretend they don't exist. Next time you see them, walk straight past, no wave, no 'hello', nothing. It is hard as first and a little awkward but after a little practice it becomes easier and you will learn to treat them with the same distain that they treat you.
Just to add also - I don't think you're nosy as others have suggested, just somebody who like to make effort with others. Just choose who deserves your effort and who doesn't xx
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A
female
reader, ConfusedCarrie84  +, writes (18 February 2022):
You say you and your partner are private and live a quiet life yet accuse your neighbours of being weird. You are the weird one. You sound obsessed by them and incredibly nosey.
Some people don't wasnt to get to know their neighbiurs so let them be.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2022): You have a pretty good gut instinct about people? Please! No you do not. Or you could have figured this simple thing out for yourself without the need to ask strangers.You claim you want a quiet life, this is not true either or this would not bother you so much. Or do you love the idea of everyone wanting to chat to you and be with you but it being you that rejects them and is too busy for them? Everyone is entitled to peace and quiet if that is what they prefer. You say you prefer it, they do to, so there should be no problem. You ought to be so busy enjoying life you do not notice or care what these people do. What is wrong with your life? Put it right and stop being so obsessed with strangers.My partner and I live in a quiet, law abiding road (we made sure of it). Some of our neighbours have never ever spoken to us. Why? Because most people are at home a lot and when they go out they just jump into the car and drive off - the other way around when they come home. If you saw them and went over to say hi they would be in the home with the door shut before you get there. And as we have never spoken to them and do not know their names, and they may well be busy, we leave them be. We sometimes have one of the neighbours that we know come over when she is alone and bored, we had to politely remind her that we are busy and don't like people just turning up - it could be when we are having a bath, sleeping, eating, working when it is plain intrusive and inconvenient. Everyone is different. You seem to believe you are allowed to be quiet and private but other people are not.To be honest I do not believe your account of what is happening. I think the thing about coming out at night when you are asleep is more to do with wanting to avoid you.And they would not do that if you were leaving them alone.You must have been trying to start up conversations or asking them questions when you saw them, and they are thinking" hey, I only came out for a few mins to move my dustbin, leave me alone". I know what that is like! It has happened to us. We sometimes make sure that our next door neighbour has gone shopping or whatever before we go out into the front garden for that very reason. But you don't do that if the other person is keeping themselves to themselves. These people are not weirdos. It's weird you want to label them this way. You are the one who is getting all het up and making a meal of nothing. Have you never heard the saying -live and let live.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2022): It's wonderful to have so many replies and perspectives. Thank you so so much everyone! I should've clarified a couple of things: Since those incidents, I've never tried to engage again, but also not made it obvious either. I've just pretended I don't see them. The bin thing. I mentioned this because, based on the fact they HIDE from me, I'm assuming they wait till midnight so they know I'm well and truly inside my house. The nocturnal thing. I've never been a nosy neighbour, but yeah, I do tend to peek out my blinds at them a bit. I feel uneasy living next to people that show disturbing behavior. I honestly think that's normal to be, based on the situation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2022): It’s clear they want nothing to do with anyone but each other. I think maybe they had a bad experience in the past that has made them avoid people and become paranoid. It’s also possible one (or both) of them cheated on the other in the past, so now they both just avoid ALL other people as to try to regain the trust and prove their loyalty to the other. No one can know why they behave this way except them, we can only guess. I’d just ignore them if I were in your shoes, as long as they aren’t doing anything to harm you, your partner, or your property.
If you really feel you have to know, though, then just ask. Say something like, “Hey, I couldn’t help but notice you seem to do everything you can to avoid me. Since we’re neighbors, I’d like it if we could get along. If I offended you in some way, I’d like to talk about it so we can resolve it.” If they still ignore you, or give you a nasty response, don’t push it any further. Give them one, only one, chance to explain themselves. If they choose not to, you need to let it go for your own sanity and possibly your safety. As for the lights being on at night, it doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t sleep. When I lived at my parents’ house, my dad had a habit of staying up to watch T.V. after my mom went to bed, but he would always fall asleep in front of the T.V. after the program he liked to watch ended, and every light in the living room would still be on long after he fell asleep. If I was still up when he fell asleep, I’d turn off the lights and T.V. before going to bed. You never know what peoples’ habits are without knowing them.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (17 February 2022):
 Perhaps the question you should be asking yourself is why are you so obsessed with your neighbors? For someone who professes "My partner and I are private, quiet people. We enjoy hanging out at home - live a quiet life. Not nosy.", I have to say you sound dreadfully nosy. What has it got to do with you that they are "nocturnal"? What has it got to do with you what time they put out their bins?
You can't control what other people do. However, you CAN control how you react to it. These people have made it as plain as they can that they do not wish to socialize IN ANY WAY with you, including saying "hello" or "waving" when they see you. They have a right to do that and you should respect the fact that they do not wish to be friendly with you. Keep pushing them and you will be coming back on here, saying they have been nasty to you. They talk loudly to each other when they see you to discourage you from speaking to them. Take the hint. Leave them alone. You know nothing about them as people. Perhaps one or both or them have mental health issues, or social anxiety issues.
I understand your wish to be friendly but you should equally respect theirs to keep themselves to themselves and not get involved with their neighbors. As long as they are not doing anything which is detrimental to you, leave them to live their lives as they see fit and get on with living yours in the way YOU see fit.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2022): Sounds like the behavior of people under witness-protection. If they own the house, they're not running from anything. It's unfriendly, not necessarily weird to keep to yourselves. Assume they may be hiding-out; so less you know the better!
It's best to ignore them, if that's what they want you to do. How blatant and obvious do they have to be? Don't be a Gladys Kravitz! She's a character from the popular sitcom from the 60's,"Bewitched." She saw more than she ever wanted or needed to see! If it's not on your property, it's their business.
You don't know their reasoning for being so anti-social; just be vigilant that nothing they do crosses over onto your property. Otherwise, respect their right to privacy and yield them their space. Depending on where you come from; all people aren't chummy and friendly. No-one is compelled to conform to your ways; but isolation and indifference from those around them sometimes makes people feel lonely. They come-around. They may have had some bad experiences with overly-friendly neighbors. All you do know is that they just want to be left alone. You have no right to judge them.
Sometimes, it takes a tragedy or some sort of need for help that forces people to be more neighborly. Otherwise, leave unneighbourly-people alone. It's for your own safety, privacy, and the fact you should mind your own business.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (17 February 2022):
 It does sound very odd behavior, using avoidance tactics after only being there such a short time is strange. I agree with Honeypie, its not you, its them.
Maybe they are just not sociable people, but even so being friendly takes no effort at all.
I think as long as there is no animosity, just keep what you are doing and continue being friendly when you see them, if they choose to be weird and jump behind a bush then that is their problem isen't it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 February 2022):
"I'm always wracking my brains to try and figure out why they have a problem with me."
I don't think it's you, I think it's them. Or you were trying a little too hard to be the "nice neighbor" and it feel a bit much for them. Or they think you are that nosy neighbor who always seems to pop up when they are near your yard.
They seem like rude people who do not want to be friendly with neighbors, so if I was in your shoes I would STOP trying to be a friendly neighbor. No hellos, no wave no nothing. You tried being nice, now just ignore them. Pretend you don't see them.
Maybe where they used to live people were rude and obnoxious. Or maybe they just are this way.
If they want to leave the lights on all night, well that is THEIR electric bill and none of your business.
As for WHEN they wheel down their trash bin, why is that any of your business either?
We have some rather odd neighbors but I really don't care, I have maybe "talked" to them twice in 3 years.
Some people don't want to get to know their neighbors, accept it and live your life as you did before they moved in.
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