A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Met a guy at work, left my ex for him 5 years ago. guy at work had a reputation for being a womaniser. The whole time we were together never met his family, friends always hd separate christmases. End of 2018 he started another affair at work with another girl behind my back (i only found this out july 2021). Anyway he asked me to move to his in april 2019 because he wanted to get this flashy finance car and also would save me paying rent. I agreed moved in, was awful lived like a dog in a box, couldnt share things properly, he started a degree i was writing all his essays for him. He hid things all the time was never in never wanted to spend time with me or take me out. I cooked, cleaned paid my rent, hardly slept together. whole time i was there we argued because i just knew something was off. He denied said i was crazy and that he was a loyal boyfriend. I went along with it until it was unbearable to live together. I left January 2021. In April 2021 I found a valentines card to him from this girl at work. The date on it was 2019 so i thought wow, this started before i moved in. Called her no answer left a voicemail confronted him he said oh she was just obsessed with him that they're just friends he's brilliant at m manipulation, it's an art to him. Anyway, in July she contacted via social media told me they'd started something September 2018, they were staying in hotels behind my back (probably on my rent money). That he used to work from her house (instead of the office) they call each other everyday and all this she knew a lot about me and he'd told her also I was "crazy". My heart sank, confronted him he finally said she was just a "fling" because we were going through bad times. I asked how he could wake up to me everyday knowing what he was doing and all the times i asked him he could never be honest and continued it. "It just happened" I'm sorry blah blah blah. In the pandemic i was crying out for love or human touch, nothing, now I know why. The girl is in a new relationship now. Although I dont live with him he still hovers around, still calls me everyday, we don't sleep together he never takes me out and only turns up at my house and rings me down when his essay is due. I am not saying im an angel myself but the level of betrayal right under my nose I cant get over it, I cant forgive him and i cant forget because i went through hell in 2019, gave up my home lost 2 family members then a pandemic and the whole entire time i was being cheated on and stabbed in the back. How do I move forward? Can I forgive him? Should i even believe him? He says he wants a family he wants this and that but his actions never match up, NEVER. I am not repeating another year like the last few i have and although I love and want him, all he brings to my life is pain and manipulates me to write his degree because he must know how I feel. Another thing is after the card I found last year i slept with someone else got pregnant at last and the day I had my scan was the day I found all this out, I then miscarried. Not like he cares I guess as long as I stay a dirty secret and pass his degree. I often wish I could just move away completely. I cant believe he made me feel I was crazy when i was completely right and on the money.
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affair, at work, christmas, girl at work, money, moved in, my ex, womaniser Reply to this Question
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male
reader, kenny +, writes (17 February 2022):
 In all fairness you know he had a reputation for being a womaniser, so yo knew full well what you were getting into.
What has unfolded is really what what we would expect from a womaniser. There have been many red flags presented to you on a plate OP, yo have chosen not to listen to any of them.
Of course he had you feel like you were crazy, and that its all your fault, he is a manipulator, gaslighter, liar, and he using you as a doormatt.
Yo are doing everything, even his college work. OP you need to ditch this guy now, sooner rather than later. Start seeking alternative accomodation now. I feel the longer you leave it the harder it will get.
He has used you, and broken the trust barrier several times. Trust is important in relationships, without it its impossible to succeed. This guy will never change, and he will continue treating you like this until you step up to the plate and ditch his sorry arse.
OP, you and i both know that you deserve better than this.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2022): As others have pointed out, you ARE crazy!
You provide all this evidence of him using and abusing you and yet you stay in contact with him.
If you want to move away then be a big girl and do it!
Girl i've been in your shoes and i'm telling you now, the only one who changes this is you! You pull yourself together and take damn responsibility for your own happiness!
...or you carry on bitching about the situation for another few years until he dumps you for no longer being of any use to him!
Your choice!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (16 February 2022):
 Savage FA .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2022): Well, when you've had enough of this drama, you'll pickup your dolls and tea set and be on your way!
Grab your pearls, girlfriend! Here comes the tough-love!
The wrong-way to end a failed/failing-relationship is to start an affair with somebody else, and then dumping your ex. It may seem like sweet-revenge, or a way to circumvent loneliness; but cheating is cheating. You've compromised your credibility; because you've chosen betrayal as a vehicle of transition into what you hope to be love. The person you've cheated for now thinks you and he are two of a kind; so, he thinks when you point one finger, three will point back. Who are you to fault him for cheating? After all, that's how he found you! This is where irony and hypocrisy shake hands!
How did you get this guy? You dumped your ex for him. You started it off by cheating with him. He's your prize!
You will reap what you sow. If you sow seeds of betrayal and heartbreak; you will harvest the fruit of betrayal, heartbreak, and taste the bitter-fruit of despair. If you break a heart in the process of fulfilling a selfish desire; the heart you broke is due payback, justice, retribution...whatever you want to call it. He did not suffer in vain, you have given him his due justice; thus, you are living through the very hell you have put him (your ex) through. If he was an awful person, you didn't need to cheat to chuck him!
If you are in a bad-relationship, you don't end it by cheating. You don't seek your revenge by using someone else as a tool of vengeance against your ex. You breakup, and move on. You take the downtime alone to heal, work on your weaknesses, correct past mistakes; and to rebuild and reinvent yourself. You grow from there. Easy come, easy-go! Shortcuts and haste make waste! Jumping from one mess to the next, equals a load of regret!
You've found evidence the guy is a two-timing no-good cheat; but these were the very traits he had when he met you! What on earth were you expecting, girlfriend???
How is he still able to keep contacting you, while you're supposedly broken-up? Why are you still writing his essays? Lock the door! If you leave the door open, even the devil will invite himself in! What are you complaining about, when you're doing your ex's homework? You are living in this live soap opera, and yet complaining about the drama!
Well, as they say, payback is a witch! What has gone-around, has now come around. Now you can set things straight by wiping the slate completely clean. Detach, and dump the human crack you've addicted yourself to. Go cold-turkey, and endure the agonizing cramps of withdrawal; and the cold-sweats, as you detox him out of your system.
If you just came here to complain, and vent your woes for sympathy; as long as you hang-on to the king of cheaters, your pain is self-inflicted. You can't pat a cactus and not get pricked! You don't need anybody's pity, and wallowing in self-pity shows you've learned absolutely nothing in this life-lesson. Girlfriend, you're pushing 40; and still caught-up in this afterschool teenage TV-drama! You don't even have to do his essays! You've sentenced yourself to slow mental-torture by giving him a reason to comeback. Catapult that jerk into the next dimension!
If you only came here to vent, alright. You've got my attention. If you read this, I thank you for taking the time. I hope you'll also heed the advice.
Let him go, and move on. Close, delete, erase, plug, and shutdown all means of access! Ghost the hell out of him!!! If you just want people to read and feel sorry for you, maybe you'll get that too!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (15 February 2022):
 He's right; you ARE crazy. Despite everything that he has done to you, despite the way he has used and abused you, you still profess to love him and want someone - even a complete stranger on a public forum - to tell you there is some sort of hope for this ersatz relationship. For God's sake, what will it take for you to open your eyes and see him for the manipulative, cheating, dishonest article he really is?
I can tell you one thing for sure: HE does not love YOU. He might like having you around because - let's face it - you are useful to him. Not only do you provide sex on tap, but you share his rent, keep house for him and are doing half his degree work for him. What's not to like? He spits in your eye and tells you it's raining and you believe him. What the hell is going on, girl? What is wrong with you?
The only time you can change someone is if they are in a nappy. This is who he is. The big question here is: why do you think you don't deserve better?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2022): Once you've completed his last essay he will declare himself much smarter than you are and will want to move on.
You are only there for what he can get out of you.
So, do the decent thing and stop writing essays for him.
If he fails he will blame you.
If he passes he will blame you for not getting a good enough degree.
Just end it and make the essay thing something of the past.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 February 2022):
You call him a "narcissist, manipulator & gas lighter."
So why stay?
STOP doing his homework, I mean WTF?! it's HIS responsibility and HIS job to do his own darn homework".
Secondly, he cheated on you and you retaliated by not only cheating on him, but doing so while having unprotected sex?! So you stooped to his level. And how did that work out for you?
Probably not great, right?
" often wish I could just move away completely."
So DO IT!!! Get out from under this guy. ASAP
Find a roommate situation you can afford, or ask friends/family for help while you look for a place.
Pack your stuff and get out.
YOU CAN'T fix this guy. And he seems to pull you right in the gutter with him.
"although I love and want him,"
What exactly is that you "love"? The way he treats you and probably other women? The fact that he doesn't REALLY care for you except to keep you around so he can get his degree? you resent him deeply, that much is clear. Love and resentment is not compatible long term.
Get out, find a good therapist, and cut all contact with this guy.
You two are oil and water.
You know what you need to do, so do it. There is no quick or magical fix here. Only for you to accept reality and get on with life WITHOUT him.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (15 February 2022):
 When you write his homework, do you use paragraphs?
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