A
female
age
30-35,
*oxglove
writes:Hi there, I am in a bit of an odd situation here...So, many years ago back in 10th grade, I met a girl, and fell hopelessly in love with her. I thought about her every single day. She was perfect to me, and I connected with her on an intellectual leve I'd never felt before.Through the remaining years of high school, my infatuation with her persisted. I suffered quietly because I thought she probably had to be straight. I identify as bisexual, and at that point I had never been out to anybody.Two years later, and she comes out as a lesbian. The same day, I foolishly let out my feelings to her like an idiot, in an online conversation! She tastefully turned me down, but I was absolutely heartbroken like never before. She basically said that while she appreciated my honesty, I shouldn't expect anything to ever come of it. I pretended to be cool about it. My heart was so broken, it was physically painful.Over the next three years, I learned to let her go. But every time I see her, I feel a subtle ache when we lock eyes. I feel like I ruined what could have been a close friendship with her, had I kept my mouth shut. Now, since roughly four months ago, I noticed her and her best friend were acting very affectionately toward one another. I initially thought that was normal for them. Though this escelated over time, and last night I finally asked my other friend if they were going out. When she said yes, I wanted to be happy for her... I wanted to be happy for them both, but... I can't make sense of why these feelings I have for her are coming back. Am I jealous? Do I wish I were in her best friend's place? Why wasn't I good enough for her? I thought they were all gone. Last night I had a dream that she kissed me, and I woke up crying. Currently I am in a very stable and loving relationship with a man, which makes me feel even worse!I know that in the possibly very near future, I will have to deal with seeing her and her now girlfriend in intimate situations. And if I want to keep them both as friends, I'm going to need to sort this out fast.After trying and failing for years, how can I ever let her go for good?
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best friend, heartbroken, jealous, lesbian Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Foxglove +, writes (30 October 2012):
Foxglove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses!
Also, thank you for putting up with my long winded rant, I needed to get my feelings out.
Right now, I need to focus on how I'm going to handle seeing them together. What has me most worried, is that I might act differently around them without realizing, and she'll notice.
Then again, I've never really been able to act normal around her since I basically word-vomited my love confession on her... so maybe it won't even make a difference...
A
male
reader, TomWilkinson +, writes (30 October 2012):
 Irrespective of sex / sexuality, this is typical "one that got away syndrome", I and I imagine the vast majority of people have felt this about someone, months and years after we thought we'd forgotten about those feelings. Therefore, it's completely normal to feel that way and unfortunately, there's no real "remedy".
It's important to realise that this has no bearing on any current relationship, if you're happy, great, if you're not, address the true reasons why.
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