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writes: I'm pretty sure that I already know what a bunch of you are about to say...but I have a quick question regarding bringing intimacy early on into a developing/dating/relationship. Do you guys think that it will make or break the current situation that I'm in?Here's the deal...Met this guy online and we have been talking off and on for about a month via mails. Finally after some nudging (since we are both relatively shy and awkward when it comes to online dating), we finally went on our first date and everything went surprisingly well. It's not too often that you are able to meet someone right off the back and have nearly a 6 hour conversation with them. It went that well, that we even extended the date a bit longer so that we could get to know each other even more.There was obviously allllllooooot of chemistry between us-- and we made plans to make another date. In between that time, we kept intense contact with each other...and were really keen on getting to know each other.Second date came around. It went well obviously... But we wound up being intimate. It was very sensual and intense and we were both amazed at what happened. He was very affectionate afterwards and expressed that he was happy that he and I had met. Days afterwards, we are still communicating with each other a lot-- learning more about each other-- and he is making a conscious effort to get to know me. He seems genuinely sencere and has even even met a friend or two of mine. 3-4th date we wound up being intimate again. Again, it was very intense and mind-blowing. But he made a small comment as we were holding each other-- something on the line of "Wow...We're on our fourth date and already it seems as though we've been dating 3-4 weeks.". I know that I may just be be over-analyzing it...but was he referring to us being intimate or him developing feelings/whatever in a short amount of time?Even though I enjoy what has developed thus far, do you guys think that it is a mistake continuing to be intimate with each other when we are in the processes of us getting to know each other? Could it cloud things for he and I later on? Should I stop...even though I don't want to? I've seen so many mixed messages reading other posts here on the forum...
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2012): I can't really say why he would add another girl to his dating profile if he's dating you, as I've never used them sites. As for your profile, I don't think there's really any need to deactivate it, just don't go on there if you're dating someone already. I guess its always useful to keep open for future use if things don't work out and you are finally ready to date again.Relationships are about trust so I suggest not to go on there to check if he's on/been on there as you are just looking for tell tale signs that he's going to be the unfaithful type.He may think the same about you, if he knows you've visited his profile he maybe wondering why you have been on there to be honest. But if he says nothing to you on the subject then don't say anything to him. There's a saying "Innocent until proven guilty". And if you bring this up with him he may get the impression you're spying on him and don't trust him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice everyone. I took most of it to heart and pretty much decided to go with the flow on everything. Since my question submission, the guy and I have gone out on a series of dates. We still keep in contact pretty much if not everyday (he still sends me texts throughout the days) and seems like a real gentleman. I even at one point was introduced to his friends and hung out with them for a while. We are still being intimate...but we are balancing out everything by making a conscious effort to get to know one another. If you guys don't mind... I'd like to bring another question to the forefront. I am rather new to this online dating thing. How long would you all deem appropriate to -- I guess remove or inactivate your dating profile and expect the same thing from the person you are seeing? I signed on earlier today because someone had randomly sent me a message and I was contemplating inactivating my profile since I wanted to focus on "him". I find it rather hard dating more than one person at a time. Anyhoo, out of mere curiosity... I checked to see if "he" had been active on the page in a while. To my surprise he was actually logged in at the same time. I wasn't affected by it since again -- I'm trying to take it all in slowly. But it kinda hurt to see that he has added a girl...a newly joined member from the dating site to his personal FB. It could be coincidence since the site is aimed at cultural/musical enthusiasts in our city. But still, I'm not going to lie. It stung a tiny-bit.What should I do? What makes it even a bit more saddening is roughly ten minutes after I checked out his profile and deleted mine....he texts me to ask me if I wanted to hang out with him this evening. I guess he saw that I visited his page.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): My reaction would be to say you have to go with you heart and gut feeling. If it felt right to you, then that's ok. Whether the relationship will develop further is something it's hard to gauge. But I doubt that being intimate so early will be a damper to the future. Life is a mystery, no one can predict so just relax and see where this goes.
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reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (9 July 2012):
 I don't think it could damper a possible relationship, but you are moving pretty quickly. You have not really taken much time to get to know one another, so you may eventually find that you are not as compatible as once thought. Or, you could find you are just as or more compatible than you thought. It just depends on you as inviduals. I know people who slept together on the first date and are still together and happy after several years of marriage. So, there really is no predicting this. Just go with it, enjoy your time together, and see where it goes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): I don't see any issue here at all OP. You don't seem to be counting all the back and forth correspondence that you had over that month.
"Wow...We're on our fourth date and already it seems as though we've been dating 3-4 weeks."
No shit Sherlock! That's because you have been getting to know each other for longer than that, strange huh?
Haha.
Honestly OP, 3rd, 4th date is not like it's the only time you've been getting to know each other you know? I don't see the issue here at all.
Just make sure you keep a balance between emotional and intellectual interest. Make sure this is wanting to know you as a person too, if all your conversations and chats are heavily sexual and there is little else in them then this may only be about sex. But if you keep that balance you'll be fine. Just enjoy yourself and see what happens, so far I see nothing in what's happening to suggest anything bad.
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reader, DoberDark  +, writes (9 July 2012):
First of all... this sounds sooooooooooooo familiar. I'm sad to say that that is how it went with my ex and glad to say that that is how it started with my current fiancée ;) so it works both ways.
Early intimacy: To me, there is absolutely no problem there. You are both consentual adults with a definite chemistry. If you both feel comfortable with being intimate with each other then... Why stop a good thing?
His comment: "Wow...We're on our fourth date and already it seems as though we've been dating 3-4 weeks." I remember saying the exact same words and hearing the exact same words as well. In both cases, it can be translated to this "Wow, we have so many things in common. It's like I've know you forever".
Are you over-analyzing? YES!!! This may be due to past failures in relationships and you being afraid to be hurt. STOP analyzing. ENJOY the moment. Don't plan your marriage just yet and enjoy these happy times :D.
CAREFUL: As I said, I've lived this twice both in a positive way and a negative way. On one hand you have to be careful not to be swept head over heels for this almost too good to be true guy, the passion, the great sex, etc. but on the other hand you can't over analyze everthing. My best advice to you is 3 simple rules:
1- TAKE YOUR TIME: You just met him. Take time to get to know him. Enjoy every passionate moment you get. Don't plan too far ahead.
2- NO REGRETS: So long as you can walk out of the relation saying "I regret NOTHING" your chances of being hurt are almost nil.
3- HAVE FUN! HAVE FUN! HAVE FUN!
Let me know how things develop ;).
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): Well you're practically boyfriend and girlfriend aren't you...
I mean at what point do you become aware that the dating phase is over and the relationship has gone official?
You both get along, and he came back for a 3rd and 4th date despite the fact you were intimate on the second date with him, things seems to be going well so what is there to doubt really?
You are obviously comfortable to be intimate with him so early on, so what are you really worried about? Possible effects on the relationship, or other peoples opinions?
I can't really see what problems intimacy with bring in the future, but stopping intimacy will make him think something strange of it considering it hasn't been a problem for you thus far.
Just enjoy, he doesn't seem to be using you just for sex otherwise I doubt he would have bothered seeing you again and he just wouldn't make such an effort to keep in contact with you when you're apart.
What he said about feeling as though he's known u for longer than he actually has, I would imagine he means how well things have taken off between you in such a short space of time, I don't just mean the sex but the whole getting to know you, then dating, then discovering you both get along great, and yes, probably the sex part too lol
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