A
female
age
36-40,
*ren
writes:I recently started dating my best friend. We have been together a couple months, I know it was wrong of me but i went on his facebook and I found a conversation between him and someone. My best friend and I slept together a couple times a few years ago. The facebook message was from last year but he bascially bragged about having sex with me to this other person but said he would never make me his girlfriend because I wuz ugly and I looked like a dog. He said some really hurtful things about me. The message was from June of last year, at the time he and i were just friends, but we were BEST FRIENDS, so I thought. Now that I'm with him I dont know how to feel. I wanna break up with him because I know we were not together but at that time we were friends and he should not have said those things.Please help I dont know what to do or how to feel.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2010): Personally, I would probably confront him about it.
Then if he was genuinely sorry and made it up Id stay with him and if he wasnt and didnt, Id be gone.
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male
reader, nictom  +, writes (10 December 2009):
He only said that to act the big man, my friends stay things about girls related to what your bf said about you all the time. I even say stuff I should'nt about my gf but I still love her. These things happen dont get to worked up about it and just move on. Thrust me!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): I'm guessing someone said something negative so he went along to save his own reputation at yur expense. Guys can say stupid things to seek approval of their friends.Some lame way attempt to look good in their eyes.My opinion is he didn't mean it just acting stupid.If you ever heard boys locker room talk thats mild.He acted like a jerk and got caught.He wouldn't be with you if he thought you were ugly.Hopefully he'll grow up.
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female
reader, snowph  +, writes (8 December 2009):
I agree completely with love0129. I was in a very similar situation not that long ago and after talking things out with my b/f we got it resolved. He owes you an explanation, not just as your boyfriend but as your best friend as well. Maybe you did hack into his facebook, but if you feel like he's hiding things from you then you have every right. Just let him know why you read his emails and he'll understand.
At the end of the day, if he can't properly explain himself then he's not worth having a relationship with
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): Boy that is a tough one. A similar thing happened to me and I am an adult and my boyfriend told his ex girlfriend that he thought I wasn't as hot as another girl he had asked out and had a terrible time with. This was very early in our dating life and I can tell you without a doubt he didn't mean what he said. He is very sexually attracted to me and like you we became best friends and basically had a two year relationship. Why would he say such a thing? I think it boils down to two things insecurity, and the desire to keep the attention on himself with the other person he is speaking too, such as his ex at the time wanted to feel like she was still special to him, still hot, etc, and her ex, my boyfriend was starting to spend a lot of time with me and would never see her, only talked to her on the phone and emailed her, so I guess he was trying to keep her sweet maybe as a back up.
The only thing I will say is that my relationship with this guy did not work out because the fact that he was insecure about himself and needed attention from other women manifested itself in other hurtful things he did to me, and I ended up not being happy in the relationship or feeling loved. But I knew even though I knew he basically called me ugly, that in no way did he really feel that way at all. In fact we have been broken up for 10 months and the last four months he practically begged me to see him and he always wanted sex until I told him to stop pushing for that. He found a new girlfriend so there you go, he got what he wanted, sex.
So that is my story and you will just have to decide for yourself how your story is going to go, and that depends on whether or not you can let his past comment go and realize that all you have to do now is pay attention to his actions, not his words. He can say what ever he wanted to a friend who knows why, wanted to appear cool and single??? But if he is acting like he cares about you and wants to be with you and not just saying a bunch of BS, then I think you have yourself a boyfriend.
However, his character may be not up to your standards and may cause some major problems down the road. But if you are just wanting to have some fun for as long as it lasts and as long as he is good to you, that is about the best any of us can do. No one has guarantess in realtionships, but pay attention to the red flags that are waving in your face and deal with them as you see best.
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reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (7 December 2009):
 This is all so wrong.
First the past is one of the only ways we have to predict the future.
Second, a best friend doesn't use you and brag about it.
Third, a best friend doesn't say hurtful things about you to make themselves look good.
Fourth, if he has access to your body, you have access to his email. That is the required level of trust.
Fifth, a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell.
He used you. He is using you again. Feel free to dump him. He has shown that he has no real feelings for you. If you don't he will do it for you soon enough.
I'm sorry you have been taken in by this louse. The good news is perhaps someone will be able to learn from your experience. Thanks for sharing.
FA
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reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 December 2009):
Can you forgive him? I think carefully about that. If you can't, let him go now.
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female
reader, love0219 +, writes (7 December 2009):
First I want to tell you that it was a mistake by looking through his facebook. But I honestly believe that every woman has a little private investigator in themselves and I have done it before also.I have looked through my Fiance's stuff when we were boyfriend and girlfriend, and if anything bothered me I told him the truth. Yes, I may have been risking him to get mad at me for looking through his stuff, but I let him know that I have been feeling a little insecure and I apologized for it. Luckily he was not mad at all, he was so understanding. If you do not tell hm what you read, you are going to bottle up all your feelings and insecurities inside of you , and that's not a smart thing to do. Tell him what you read girlie, I am sure you will feel better after you talk to him about it.Make sure it's not through the phone. Talking to him about it in person is way better.
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reader, Emjo +, writes (7 December 2009):
 Before you jump to conclusions, how sure are you that it was about you?
if you are sure then doesn't the fact that he's with you suggest that he cant possibly think that anymore,
but on the other hand are you sure you want to be with someone who would be so nasty about a girl he'd just slept with? Weather it was about you or someone else?
I guess in a year a person grows a lot and chances are he's grown up since then and matured a lot, good luck x
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reader, jren +, writes (7 December 2009):
jren is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know for a fact he was talking about me, he said my name. He talked about some private things that only he and I knew of. He said he would never date me because " I wasnt his type in the looks department" now he's with me. He tried to make his self look good by making me look bad. I think him saying i look like a dog and saying we would have been more if i wasnt ugly is UNFORGIVABLE, but some say I'm a drama queen so i dont know if I'm overreacting.
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reader, pinktopaz +, writes (7 December 2009):
It's kind of funny (not your situation necessarily) but I recently answered a question about a girl who was upset because her bf changed passwords on her so she couldn't log on to his Facebook etc. anymore. And this is specifically one of the reasons why I said it's not a good idea to give out your password to your bf or gf.
Anyway, what he did say was some pretty hurtful things. Are you sure that he was talking about you? Did he actually write your name or say something about you that without a doubt was an indicator that he was talking about you? I think he may have been saying things to his friend to probably act like he didn't care about you. I don't think he really means any of that about you, otherwise he wouldn't be with you today.
If I were in your shoes, I'd be really hurt by it and probably even feel insecure around him now. I think it's up to you as to how you're going to feel in the long run if you want to stay with him. If you're going to constantly be questioning how he really feels about you, then it will be the demise of the relationship anyway. You can tell him, but I guarantee you that he's going to be really pissed off that you invaded his privacy like that. I'm sorry I don't have really clear cut answer for you because although he did say some nasty stuff about you, it was never meant for your eyes, and he probably didn't really mean it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): That's awful I feel really sorry for you :-( Basically he's not worth it, in my humble opinion. I mean, guys brag about things and say things they don't mean to their mates but that's a bit far, especially when you were meant to be best friends. I would talk to him about it and tell him how you feel. But you should seriously remember that you're worth more than to just put up with that! I'm not saying smack him one and then dump him, just admit that you looked on his facebook and saw the message and that you're really upset/angry about it. Good luck, xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): its just the past, I would really advice you to forget about that. cause it's the past and you can't change the past. Anyways he lost at his own game, he made you his girlfriend. I truly believe things happen for a reason. I don't thing it's a big deal what he said before you were together. Try to make the most of being with someone you really enjoy being with. In relationship there are more major issues that you have to deal with.
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