A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I came back from deployment in Afghanistan 3 months ago and since I've realised that I don't have the same feelings for my boyfriend of 4 years. He loves me and breaking up would break his heart but I feel like he's just not what I'm looking for anymore. I've given it 3 months to see if my feelings would come back and they haven't so I don't know what to do. Whilst I was away he wrote and sent me packages regularly, looked after my affairs for me and we have had happy times together. If I left him would I be saying thanks for staying around and looking after things whilst I was away but you dumped. Would I be wrong to leave him.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (7 December 2009):
You can't stay with someone because you feel guilty about him waiting for you.
You gave it 3 months and things aren't the same so you need to move on.
HOWEVER... as an army wife I can tell you that a lot of this could have to do with the tour you've just been on. It's really hard on relationships, and my husband and I had problems for several months as he struggled after his last tour.
Give it a bit of time and have a think if this is really you talking or post tour depression.
Good Luck!! xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): I dont think you would be wrong to leave him. At the end of the day it would be unfair on him if you stayed with him when you dont feel the same. If you are 100% sure this is not what you want then maybe you need to sit down with him and tell him exactly how you feel n be honest so that he doesnt get confused. Then you can both move on with your lives and be happy. I know its not going to be easy for you nor him but it will only prolong the unhappieness your going through and it is unfair on him to be living a life that is built on something he thinks is there but really isnt n that is love. You need to break it to him gently, to his face and be honest with him its the least he deserves.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): Hi there, As hard as it may be for your boyfriend staying with him if your heart is not in the relationship is not best for you both in the long run. It sounds like you have given it your best shot and tried to regain those feelings for him. You are young and it is natural for some relationships to run thier course.As hard as it may be for him to hear that you dont want to be in a relationship with him anymore it is also important that you think of yourself in this too. You sound like you really dont want to hurt him so the only way to really go about it is to find a time when you can sit and let him know as gently as possible how you feel. It will be hard to let him know but in time he will move on as will you and you may even maintain a good friendship if you decide you really do want to break up. Best of luck to you and to your boyfriend!
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