A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hoping for some common sense input here. I am a female working with a guy (that's how we met about 2 years ago) who is about 9 years younger than I am. There has been some light flirting in person but he is now some 2,000 miles away so our contact has been phone, email, text, for a good 6-7 solid months now.The question is, it is sometimes hard for me to know for sure what is evolving between us. Yes, we keep it professional with no lines crossed on the surface, but that he is only at ease with me when I am treating him with kid gloves, seems to thrive on making me happy, goes out of his way to help/please me, yet he sulks like a 2 year-old when I (his superior) when he even thinks I am being critical of him and gets very hurt/angry at those times... this does not feel like just working with someone.I am attracted to him and have treated him very well and have gone out of my way to make this experience good for him.At times he calls me 'darling' and/or 'kiddo' and to be honest, we both react very emotionally to anything negative coming from either side; it took us both more than ten days to patch things up after a small, insignificant matter recently.So this is hard to call because we are not face to face, but whatever you can tell me here as to why you think he is so sensitive with me would help, because guys in general do tend to be more egotisical than women and maybe that's only what it is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnyway, I forgot to add that I was kinda just keeping a little more distance from him lately and suddenly on Mother's Say he text me to say Happy Mother's Day, which of course, was very thoughtful of him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011): Tem,
Yes, that IS an issue re. quality of work, in small ways, because honestly he got the job because his standards are just as high as mine, so off the bat we have that in common and I basically haven't worried that he'd do it poorly; but that he constantly wants me to 100% agree with him, praise him, etc., is difficult to deal with. And that he takes it oh so personally on the occasions that I do is just hard to understand. And that's the reason for the question here in the first place, trying to understand why he gets all bent out of shape more-so than I do?
If it's merely dealing with a sensitive person as the cause, I don't know that I could've made it any more clear to him in words, deeds and actions, that he was chosen above several other people for this and that it was total faith in his abilities... if it's an attraction thing, I still don't know.
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (12 May 2011):
 Ah, you did not say you were in the entertainment business. I can see where his type of behavior is much more tolerated - almost accepted. Good to stay on your toes and set boundaries though. If not, you might lose perceptive. I mean you might not be as objective towards the quality of his work as perhaps you need to be. It must be more difficult with him as the feelings are reciprocated. It's must also be more difficult to figure out whether or not his feelings are genuine. I think being the female boss of a younger man is always a touchy situation, film industry or not. You sound like you have it under control though.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to both of you for your advice and insight on the matter. It is often difficult to judge these things objectively when you're the one who's in it. But since our last disagreement (where I had no choice but to set boundaries because he stepped on my toes) he seems to have 'gotten it' that he has to be a bit more careful in how he conducts himself. He may have a crucial/vital role on this project, but he needed to be reminded that I was the one who had final say on certain matters. That has been established. It took a few reminders to make that clear to him.The other thing is, in the film industry, 'talent' always misbehaves and such behavior is widely accepted, it is even expected... but that there is some emotional thing brewing doesn't make that expected strained relationship any easier to deal with. So this is the norm, but just harder when this other level works its way into the picture.He claims that his over-reacting to a small matter recently with me is because his dad has cancer and things don't look so good.
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A
male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (11 May 2011):
Romantic relationships in the workplace, while more common now than they used to be, are fraught with difficulties. If you can dial it back to where you are just co-workers, I would recommend you do that. As his superior, you are taking a risk for yourself and your company by carrying on a flirty relationship with a subordinate -- a sulky subordinate at that.
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (11 May 2011):
Okay - you wanted common sense advice. Here it is: There are two ways to look at this, objectively, that is. It could be that he has a bit of a crush on you. It is possible that the flirting, use of endearing words, and sensitivity to criticism, are a result of romantic feelings he has for you, his superior. It appears that this is not a one-way street as you have stated, "I am attracted to him and have treated him very well and have gone out of my way to make this experience good for him."
It could also be that he is sucking up to you. He senses that you are attracted to him and may be using this to his advantage. You have not responded in a professional manner to his (what I would consider) inappropriate behavior in the work place. It sounds as if you have actually enjoyed and encouraged it. Have you also given him preferential treatment? Better be careful with that, especially if you are in a position to evaluate his work. Others might take notice.
So, there you have both sides of the coin. I cannot say for sure which is the true scenario. I do think you should be careful though. This is your livelihood, and from where I'm sitting, it looks as if you have placed it in jeopardy.
Be careful.
TEM
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