A
male
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anonymous
writes:Can someone please clear this up for me!!! I just came out of a relationship were I still to this day have feelings for my ex. I'm coping and trying to move on with my life. Anyway, I met someone who works in the same building with me and she is really nice. I'm moved into a new apartment and she bought me dishes. Everytime she goes out for break she will send me an e-mail and ask me to come with. When she knows I haven't been to lunch she will come by and ask me what I want to eat. She picks crumbs off my mouth if there are some. I lost my wallet and she volunteered to give me money for the weekend. My uncle tells me that she is into me. I just think she is really nice and we are really good friends. Even though she says I'm a great guy and very handsome. We are also scheduled to have lunch next week at one of her favorite restaurants. I only see her as a good friend but does she want more??? She has been reading this book called "He's really not into you" so I know she won't approach me with it and if she did I would decline because I don't want anything serious as I still have strong feelings for someone else. So does anyone out there think she is into me and if so what should I do?
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female
reader, bonym  +, writes (19 August 2006):
 Well she seems to care very much for you, thats clearly obvious, but the question is, do you want to reciprocate those feelings? Go for a trial date, i.e. just go out as mates having a laugh and see how things work out from there, but as I say it does seem that she is attracted to you. xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2006): From where I sit, it appears she does have a crush on you, especially if she's only doing this with you, in recent times, since you lost your other love. What does it matter, anyways? It sounds like she knows you aren't a safe bet. She knows you are nursing some open wounds. A woman would be nuts to place her hope and heart in someone, who can’t promise he will ever be there, in her future. If you think she's doing this then..that's her choice isn't it? (she's a big girl) And there's not much you can do about it.
On the other hand, I think it's important to realize..some people have 'hearts of gold' and are genuine, good quality friends. Some people will see another friend suffering and will be a benelovent, helpful friend. Could this be her? Don't make it into anymore than what it is and just enjoy her generousity and why not just enjoy her company. Who knows, there could come day when you will heal and you will risk everything once again maybe with her...maybe not. That's a decsion you will make when the time is right for you. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, seenitdoneit +, writes (18 August 2006):
I think she is in to you and you need to be subtle. You could try dropping a sentence into the conversation like 'it is so nice to spend time with a female who just likes you as a friend as I am not looking for a relationship at the moment' or something like that. That way you have passed on the message without causing embarassment. Her immediate facial reaction to this comment, before she has time to mask her feelings, should make where you stand a lot clearer. If her response makes you suspect she hsa a crush on you then be gentle - unrequited love is the most painful thing in the world.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2006): It sounds like she is a good friend and also that she has a big time intrest in you.
Take it slow. Are you ready to date again?
Make some ground rules; don't rush into love.
Good Luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2006): I find it difficult to read your question because in a way, I am 'this' woman. Even your story has a similar thread except I haven't bought anyone dishes!
I think she has a massive crush on you and may believe she loves you and wants more. The danger is, you could hurt her badly if you do 'care' about her and use her. You imply by your comment that you don't want anything serious because you have strong feelings for someone else applies to me also, as the guy I have fell for is still in love with his ex wife, yet I know he likes me a lot, it is torture working with him, yet pleasurable too.
From your perspective there seems three ways. 1. You could go out with her and it will ease your pain but nothing may come of it but disappointment for her. 2. You MAY actually fall in love with her, which may seem impossible, but that is in your present state of mind. If you did fall for her, you may both find happiness or have a relationship on the rebound, but there is no crystal ball to tell you which way it will go. 3. Just be open minded and friendly but don't challenge her on anything as it will embarrass her. I think this is the best option as this way you have no obligations and you could develop a friendship that may change later when your feelings have moved on and she will respect you for being honest. She may help you to think of alternatives instead of pining for one you cannot have. In my case, I see a man being torn apart and lonely, missing the one he hoped to stay with, and I respect that. I even find solace in him expressing his feelings to me because I care for him and value his trust. Perhaps you could try this approach without confiding too much until you know you can trust her, that way she will realise you are emotionally still trying to come to terms with your loss and if she is worth her salt she will stick around to be your friend for now and you will both have time to sort things out. If you just want her for sex, then don't. It is too soon for the right reasons and unfair to her.
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A
male
reader, badbrit +, writes (18 August 2006):
depends how you feel, if you are not interested then make that clear, and dont give her false hope.
Is it definetly over with the ex? any chance of it reigniting? If it is a definate no, then think clearly whether this girl may have a future for you.
Sounds too early, but keep her as a friend, with honesty about how you feel and maybe you will be ready one day
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