A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have the worst trouble finding a boyfriend. I am almost 21 and still single (yeah very pathetic hahaha!) I just want to know what I'm doing wrong. I can be shy but I'm not as shy as I used to be. Is there any fool proof ways to get a guy?And is online dating sites a good way to go? If so know any decent free ones?
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female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (11 May 2008):
 It is not pathetic. I'm around your age and single. You don't need a boyfriend. You need to be happy with your life and be able to be happy being alone, it is the absolute truth. Being with someone when you are not able to be alone makes you put up with crap you shouldn't out of fear of being alone again. Plus needing someone is no way to be. Guys love independence, no one likes a girl clinging to them. Have your own life and when it is the right time someone will come to you. Most likely it will be when you aren't looking. Besides having the love of your life is a better thing to be looking for than just a boyfriend. And don't feel pathetic, anyone can have a boyfriend and I'm sure plenty of guys would date you, you just have a standard which is good. Dating someone below the level you have set will just keep disappointing you. Oh and get a job you like! Life is too short to be unhappy for any period of time. You may feel lonely at times as it is natural but hang in there, he will come to you. A fool proof way to get a guy is confidence in yourself. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2008): Be the flame, not the moth. (from Casanova, 2005)
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A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (11 May 2008):
The other advice given is really good, but I also think you should be cautious in your attitudes to feeling desperate for a BF. Unfortunately there are guys out there who if they think you are desperate will try to manipulate and control you and many women fall for this because they do not want to feel left out. Of course the reverse is also true and many guys fall for this as well.
Just be happy in yourself. If you feel you need to change anything then try to be more like the kind of person you want to attract. Like attracts like.
Stay cool, you have plenty of time yet. Also make allowances for the fact that most guys your age are more immature than you. Widen your scope a little and you might just be surprised.
Cheers
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am relaxed with other areas of my life. I mean I hate my job but am looking for new work. I do get looks off guys and flirty comments but for some reason no one of a similar age to me seems to want to ask me out. it's irritating!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (11 May 2008):
 Be confidence of who and what you are and do not appear to be clingy.
That is the two major rules ,you need to remember by.
The rest is just common sense.
Have faith and belief that God will send you one.
Be optimistic always.
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A
female
reader, bemused  +, writes (11 May 2008):
 Hi hun
Two things stand out from your post. You do not seem relaxed about the whole thing and you also seem to think you are a lesser person because you do not have a boyfriend.
You are young...21 and there should be no paticular urgency here. I guess the peer thing comes into play but the old golden rule still applies. Are you happy with yourself. Are you excited about your life, your hopes, dreams and goals? If all of this is in a good place then I would think that that your sense of urgency and being unhappy with being single would get pushed to the side a bit and you would be more relaxed.
Guys seem to like relaxed, guys seem to like someone with a life of her own and stuff going on. Guys are not big on needy and 'looking' I do not think.
You do not tell us a lot about yourself but I would suggest that you get out there and wade into life be it volunteer work, a part time job..loosen up and have fun. You will no doubt make new friends and someone will no doubt come your way..when you are not looking.
I would not suggest online dating
Good luck hun
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