A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:sorry for the length but please guys can anyone advise. ive known a guy for over a year. I thought we were good friends hes had a lot of personal issues and trauma which ive been there for him, hes borrowed a fairly large amount £400 ? in bits over the past year-when he gets aid never mentions it. ive bought him loads of stff-anything from ps3 games to dvds as presents-stupidly i admit i was very fond of him and now i see im a fool. what my real problem is i feel hes always been skant with the truth and comes out with wild elaborate tales always like hes got a car and a £60,000 share in a business and he always seems skint and i feel hes making a fool of me. without wanting return ive freely given him time and the other stuff so why would he repay me by lying ? the other day he was talking about his ex wifes mum who neede some building work and that he'd have to find a surveyor. i gave him a weird look and he said what ? and i said dont you own a share in a building firm ??? why cant they help and he looked sheepish. so i said 'what this companies name again ?' and he said i was distrusting of him and stormed off. im so fed up all ive tried to do is be a friend abut i feel like a right ass. what should i do guys ? sorry its so long :(
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female
reader, aloregirl  +, writes (2 January 2011):
honestly,i think this guy has studied you,known your weak point coupled with the fact that you are fond of him and is exploiting you. Pls break all forms of contact wit this guy and stay away from him, its obvious you are his friend but he is not your friend. How well do you know this person,since when and how close? Do you know his family,do they know you? If you are that close then confront him wit evidence about your suspicions and if he can satisfactorily explain himself,pls stay clear of him in order not to incur a greater loss in the future.
A
male
reader, airwaterearthfirebender  +, writes (2 January 2011):
 Sounds like you've tried to be a helpful friend. On the other hand, your guy friend is obviously feeding you a load of crap. Now we can go into his personal problems and wonder why he feels the need to lie to you (and his likely personal insecurities...yada yada...which we all have to a degree but doesn't mean we feel a need to lie all the time) but at the end of the day at face value he is a lying friend. So, I think you've come to that realization. How stupid is he and/or how stupid does he think you are? You have every right ti inquire and ask questions and because you confronted his bs and his lies now he is mad? Ha ha, seriously, I laugh Now, I think it depends what this guy means to you if anything. If it were me I would just as soon forget he money he owes and just go my own way as there are much better friends to be had. If you want to give this guy's character a reality challenge and you think t may actually help him then I would confront his lying ways (you can do it genuinely with concern) and see if he will admit to his bsing ways as a start to acting more honorably.
Again, me personally, my gut is on the former because if someone had lied that long it just becomes part of who they are and I would just as soon let him know what you really think (nicely), and tell him to forget about giving the money back (in the unlikely event he was actually going to pay it back as otherwise you will never be rid of him). This way you can make a clean break and be on your way and you don't owe this guy anything. From his standpoint, you have cleared his debts with you so he has no reason to contact you further. Hopefully you will have learned something as well. Friendships not reciprocated and/or based on money or material things are not real friendships and you will hopefully be more inquisitive and analytical earlier on in a friendship/relationship the first time your spider senses start tingling. Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): I've always believed if you have a nagging feeling something is wrong, it usually is. Something about this guy isn't adding up. You have been a good friend. But if you feel you are being played, there is no reason you have to just sit there and take it. Drop him like a sack of potatoes and if he doesn't come back, you'll know what kind of friend he really was.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (2 January 2011):
 It really is bad the way the borrower tries to make the lender look like the bad one?
I am so glad I learnt this lesson years ago in High school. After I had been abused by the girl (when I asked for and I'd asked her 8 times over a month she finally repaid me. But we never spoke again. And i realised the old proverb 'neither a lender nor a borrower be' was a proverb with great wisdom.
Do you have any proof/receipt/his signature to prove the debt?
Never mind if you don't. - although if in doubt ask the court official what you need to 'support the existence of the debt'
Go to your local court and file a 'small claim'' action on him. Then you can serve the paperwork on him. Then he will be told to repay you
Do not lend him any money ever again
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): He lives in a fantasy world, he probably even belives his own lies at times. You must see him for what he is - so don't be taken in. Don't lend him money. Be a friend but don't get to involved in his affairs as he sounds a bit unstable and you won't be helping him in the long run if you get taken in.
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A
male
reader, cupid_1234 +, writes (2 January 2011):
 Well, this is not at all lengthy.
You are such a wonderful person for helping him without asking for anything. If he has not returned your money then there is an issue. And if he is lying on top of that, then there is really a big issue.
What you should do is just let it go, forgive him, forgive yourself and move ahead. I know it sounds hard but hating yourself/him for it is not going to help at all. Your intentions were good and you should be proud of it. I am sure you will get a wonderful friend in the near future. Life is funny and sometimes not fair as we want it to be. We should learn from the mistakes and move ahead.
All the best!!
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