A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my girlfriend for about five years and lived with her and I have reapeatedly told her that I don't love her and I don't want her to be the mother of my kids I just don't know what to do. She has lost her job and now has a new job but only part time and I an paying rent and everything I still really care for her and I really don't like hurting people I have tried so many times to end it but she is so stubborn and just won't listen I have been so blunt to her I hate thisposition and I just hate life somuch and I'm loosing friends over all this.What do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice I will try again with her and be honest but I know what she's like when this happens she just goes crazy and won't let me go but anyway thanks everyone for ya help
A
female
reader, Rose_red_09  +, writes (20 September 2009):
Nobody wants to hurt anyone but I honestly think that the longer you stay with her - the more you are truly hurting her. She deserves to be someone that loves her and DOES want her to be the mother of their children. No doubt she is scared and horrified at the thought of being without you but you so do need to make a plan and move on. Really -it's not fair to either of you.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (20 September 2009):
 Put a plan in place to leave her and accept nothing to get in the way. Give her three months to find an alternate living situation and get her feet on the ground. And don't waffle on this.
You've stated to us and to her that you don't love her yet you continue to lead her on and now it's 5 years. You say you don't want to hurt her but honestly, every day you continue to give into her needs is a day of hope for her that you will change your mind. The more days of hope she has the more it will hurt her when you eventually go.
So, the choice is clear...leave and lead your own life or marry her already and check your life at the alter.
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A
female
reader, Julie D +, writes (20 September 2009):
this is more simple than it sounds i know but u must leave her. you have trid discussing it with her and she is refusing to listen. this is not good 4 either of u. to stay in a relationship when love is no longer there. u r only making a bad situation much worse, as u said u r not happy and i doubt that she is either. to make a complete break is the kindest thing u can do 4 the both of u, she may feel hurt but it will not come as a complete shock as u have already told her quite a few times that u don't love her, and it's not as hurtful and destructive as staying in a loveless relationship. that is just going to get worse and making ur lives hell. u must be strong 4 u both and do the right thing, walk away!
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A
female
reader, obsticalfree +, writes (20 September 2009):
Ummm unless she is a stalker it is hard to have a 5 year relationship with someone that is completely one-sided. It seems that by telling her those things you have left yourself off the hook without responsibility in the relationship so you've enjoyed the convenience perhaps? She probably sees it as a challenge that if she stays and stays you will eventually change your mind. I don't think this is good for either of you and I can see why you are losing friends . Because some will think you are using and abusing her and owe her for the 5 years already spent whilst others will think you have no cajones for continuing it. I think... regardless of her situation the best thing to do is end it and move on. If you wish to help her financially than do so. You didn't say it but it seems like you are living together. Basically actions speak louder than words if you are taking financial responsibility, have 'been' with her for 5 years , given her your time , your energies no wonder she feels like you are in a 'relationship' even you said "we are still together" basically you are in a relationship with someone you don't love ...but only have to end it not divorce so do it. Continuing this way will only make it worse and use up both of your lives and time. Best of Luck
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