A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: advice please. i think ive really offended my friend. we went for lunch yesterday and she was going on about some baby toy for her 5 month old for a while and i went into the shop to look for it to buy for her and was quite tired yesterday and just mentioned-probably not in the right way that it looked a bit fragile for her baby-not realising she wanted it for her when she was a bit older. anyway after my foot in mouth she was snappy and said fine if you dnt want to get it for her get her something else then. i felt awful as it all came out wrong anyway tried to make huge amends today-went to buy the gift for her and some chocs to say sorry-she was cool with me and didnt say much. i emailed her aswell apologising for offending her but she never replied. she can be snappy sometimes-just her way but im out of ideas i cant do anymore and i feel awful. was i really that bad and what can i do to make amends to her please advise me Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 October 2010):
You know, you can only say 'sorry' so much before it becomes someone else's problem that they're not forgiving. You've said sorry, you bought her the gift and emailed her an apology. That's as far as it needs to go. She's supposed to be your friend, not someone who treats you like a doormat. You've done your part, you've said sorry for something you really didn't need to say sorry for anyway. Let her come to you. You're her friend, not someone who has 'wipe your feet' tattooed on your forehead. Don't do anything else.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (21 October 2010):
 You shouldn't give in when you haven't done anything wrong. If you are friends, then she needs to be told that she is being oversensitive, that she is naturally hormonal at this time and that you DID offer to buy her baby a gift none-the-less.
It sounds like you were a bit snappy and she was a bit hormonal.
Making the transition from singles-to marrieds-to mommies is all a bit overwhelming. RESPECT and BOUNDARIES has to be the foundation for overcoming misunderstandings, which can be difficult when hormones are involved, and they are involved in ABUNDANCE after giving birth. Gentle reminders are helpful, sarcasm is not...
None-the-less - Childbirth should never be used as extortion over friendship!
When you are not tired, consider using your words CAREFULLY and suggesting that your friend should be reciprocal in her friendship! Becoming a Mother doesn't mean that the whole world should revere her as 'motherhood incarnate'. A good mother knows that she has to consider others before herself. She should still be considerate of her friends feelings, whether she is a mother or not.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (21 October 2010):
 It's possible you came off as insulting her as a mother..That you know what's best for her child. She sounded a little touchy and oversensitive. She should be happy that you bought the toy for her child in the first place. Oh well, you can't tiptoe around everyone's feelings. I have a few friends like that, they usually get over it within a few days when I accidentally offend them.
You bought her the gift and an added bonus of chocolates. Plus, you emailed her just in case you didn't get the message across. If chocolates don't say sorry then I don't know what does. You did all you could, anymore apologizing will just look like you're being pushy. Give her some time to come around. If she doesn't forgive you then she has got some serious underlying issues.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010): I would talk to her again. Have a sit down explain that you were tired, and why you have been. Say you are really sorry didn't mean it that way when you said it was too fragile say you were just saying something to cushion the fact that it wasn't in there. It's not like you said anything really bad so, she should apologize too because she was unnecessarily snappy towards you and that's not right. Hope all works out
xoxox meow
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